Impetus
by Elphaba-Rose
Summary: Impetus: 1. a moving force, impulse, stimulus. 2. the momentum of a moving body. Could love be an impetus? What if there was something in the way? LeonardoUsagi pairing.
1. Surprise!

1A.N: THE NEW TMNT MOVIE IS OUT ON THE 23RD MARCH IN THE UK!!!!! ... As you can tell I'm more than a little excited. As soon as we can book tickets I'll be there lol. God it looks so amazing! And the graphics! Like wow! Geez I just can't wait lol. Moving on, I know I shouldn't really start a new fic but I couldn't help it, I mean I have Black Balloon, Rose Tint My World and Writing on the Wall to update, not to mention write the follow ups to Faith and Hope. Wow I really need to sort myself out lol. Anyway, you should really thank Goblin Kat KC for inspiring me to write this. And guess what? No angst! Lol I wanted a change, plus I'm a recently converted fan of this couple lol. So anyway, have fun lol.

Disclaimer: I do not own TMNT, but I shall soon own a ticket to go see the new movie!!

Impetus

Chapter One

Surprise!

Leonardo's POV

"Leo, will ya just relax already!"

"But they're late! He could be home any second!"

"Fer cryin' out loud! Y'know what he's like when he goes to the store for candles! He's there hours,"

"I know, but-"

"No buts. Go and help Mike serve the damn food,"

I didn't like it, but I obeyed my younger brother. I knew I was being restless and paranoid. I knew I was a nervous wreck and was doing more harm than good. But it's the master's birthday, can you blame me? This surprise party has to be absolutely perfect, otherwise it would all just be one big waste.

I think we all did a pretty good job of forgetting our Sensei's birthday, purposely of course. Although Donny nearly slipped and asked if Mikey had made a cake, if not he could get one from the store. Thankfully Master Splinter did not seem to notice, he was too busy looking for the candles Mike had marvellously hidden. This in turn led him to believe he had genuinely ran out, therefore provoking his trip to the candle shop near April's.

Raphael was right, Sensei was always there for ages, but it still did not stop me from worrying. April, Casey and Usagi weren't here yet and they were nearly a whole half hour late. They couldn't be late! We can't have Master Splinter arriving before the guests!

We'd been planning this party for weeks. It was Mikey's idea. He'd said he couldn't remember the last time we'd celebrated our father's birthday with a party. Well if truth be told, I don't think we ever have. There's a party for us every year, even now. I don't think we'll ever truly grow too old for parties because it's one of the very few days of the year we can guiltlessly let go and really go all out. We don't have to worry about Karai and the Foot, or NYC, or Purple Dragons, or anything. It is our day, just like Christmas.

I took up a couple of plates of food, which Mikey had graciously prepared, and made my way to the table in the front room with them. I cursed the cat purring and rubbing itself around my ankles, nearly making me trip and send little jam tarts and chips all over the walls. Klunk mewed indignantly at me and trotted off to find Mike, who was sure as shell going to offer him tidbits.

Don't get me wrong, I love Klunk to bits, he's part of the family now, but I must admit, he certainly takes after Mike in the ability to annoy department. For example, every time I settle down for my regular afternoon meditation, the ginger tabby comes pawing and mewing, demanding to be played with, every day without fail. I wouldn't be surprised if Michelangelo had taught him that little trick.

But seriously, life is so good now, I want to enjoy it. I don't think I could feel more content. Foot activity is low, Karai seems to be taking a backseat, April and Casey are dating, we are young, we are healthy and we are happy. I don't think anything could make me feel any better right about now.

I'm happy with how everything is. Although I must admit something else, I don't feel the need to start looking for girlfriends now like my brothers. They've begun to befriend girls, slowly and surely developing safe friendships that may prosper into something more if luck is with them.

I think I've lost count of the times I've lectured them about responsibilities and protecting our identities and whatever else. I hope they listen to me for once, that applies more to Raphael and Michelangelo than Donatello of course. I worry about them, _all _of them. I don't want them to risk exposure for unrequited love. Not in case we are discovered, but because they don't deserve broken hearts.

And me?

I'm not ready for love. There is so much left for me in this world, and at the moment, love isn't one of those things. I have plenty of new things to learn, plenty of new martial arts as well as those arts to do with drawings and words.

So therefore I'm not jealous of my brother's endeavours. Love will come to me when I'm ready, not before. If my brothers are ready then good for them, I wish them the best of luck. I just wish they'd be careful. I trust them, of course I do, but you know what they say.

Love is blind.

I've always been different to my brothers when it came to girls anyway. Raphael had his first kiss when he was thirteen down the back of some alley if you must know. Michelangelo suggested the female in question must have been drunk beyond belief but I don't believe that. My hotheaded rebel of a brother has some morals.

As far as I know, the rest of us have never been kissed. April doesn't count. I mean properly kissed. And we're seventeen. Not that I mind of course. Like I said, I can wait. I'm different. Let me explain.

I'm different in the way that I'm not attracted to women. Don't stare at me like that, I'm telling the truth. Ever since I can remember, they liked women's underwear commercials, I liked men's. They don't know that of course, I could never tell them. No, I'm not a freak.

I'm gay.

I suppose seventeen is a little young to be so secure about your sexuality but that's how it is. It's how it's always been, ever since I was old enough to know what homosexuality was. Before that I was confused and scared. I thought there was something seriously wrong with me.

Now I know I'm completely fine, there is nothing wrong with me. So I'm gay, big deal. Nothing about Leonardo has changed. It doesn't matter which gender I'm attracted to. It's ok. I've finally found the real Leonardo, and life is pretty damn good.

So if I'm proud of and content with my sexuality, why do I hide it I hear you ask? Well, in answer to your question, I'm frightened. I'm terrified of what my family might think. I mean, Raphael and Michelangelo are always using the word 'gay' as an insult and get disgusted when they see gays on television, you know? I fear they'll be disgusted in _me. _And my master, he's so old fashioned sometimes, it's worrisome.

"You ok Leo?" Mike asked, tearing me from my thoughts.

"What? Yeah, sure, just thinking that's all," I reassured him, laying my plates of food onto the table.

"Oh, that's ok, you just looked a bit off this planet," He grinned at me and I smiled in return.

"I'm fine really, thanks for asking though Michel,"

"Dude, it's Michel_angelo_," He grumbled under his breath, making me laugh. He hates being called Michel just as much as I hate being called Leon.

Ever since I fell into depression after we defeated the Shredder a few months ago, my brothers have treated me as if I'm something special, which makes me feel both loved and embarrassed. Sometimes they speak as if I'm a time bomb and the slightest wrong thing said would set me off again. Sometimes they consider my feelings and thoughts as if they truly matter. Sometimes they remember I'm their brother and not just an existence.

And I'm happy about that. Sure there could be room for improvement, but I'm good. I still feel responsible for some events that hateful night and I still only live for them, but I have a life and feelings too. Sure, it took an almost fatal final frontier with our foe and some crazy old Japanese Sensei who liked to call me a kumquat to make my brothers and I realise this, but at least we eventually did.

Now I'm living my life how _I _want to, just like they are. Sure, I still look after them as if my life depended on it, but now I do things _I _want to do. Instead of training for another hour or two, I might read a book or even paint.

I love to paint. I love merging colours and creating art, seeing what would happen if I stroked my brush this way with that colour, that way with this colour, almost like some artistic Frankenstein. I can see a Mona Lisa smile in the darkest of pieces, a sinister scream in the brightest of works. Oh how I love to paint!

I took one of the plainly salted chips from the dish and nibbled on it thoughtfully. The main room now looked as if a huge party popper had exploded inside. There were streamers and banners and paper chains and balloons everywhere. It made me chuckle how Raph had just chucked decorations wherever he felt like it with no structure at all. I know if I'd have done it, everything would have to be strategically placed, perfect and precise. I liked his way better.

Just as I swallowed my chip, the doorbell rang out clear and true. I jumped half a mile and leapt towards the door, meandering around obstacles like a turtle possessed in my haste to answer it. I knew it could only be April or Casey or Usagi, Splinter wouldn't bother to ring the doorbell of his own home.

For some reason, the thought of greeting Usagi filled me with nervous butterflies. I can't understand why, we've been friends for two years. It seems so much longer. After everything we've been through together. Ever since we met, we've shared this sort of connection. Granted, we met in the midst of a battle against bloodthirsty assassins but still.

We had common ground due to the fact we were both swordsmen, even though he was a samurai and I was a ninja. After that fight where he saved my life, everything just clicked, it was like we had known each other years, despite the fact he was seven years older than I was.

I guess if you look at us together, it must seem quite odd that a turtle and a rabbit are such good friends but that's how it is. When we spend time with each other we end up talking all night until the early hours. And we chat about anything and everything, from the Nexus Tournament (Can't wait for next year) to a film we'd just watched to our favourite soda and snack (He likes root beer and carrot cake, go figure).

I think Sensei is pleased I have made a genuine friend and because Usagi is older and more experienced therefore wiser he hopes I will listen to the rabbit samurai. I definitely listen to him, he has offered me great counsel in my times of need, especially when I was angry with life. I can tell him everything and I know he won't judge me, only listen patiently and guide me loyally.

There is of course one thing I haven't told him. I haven't even talked to Klunk about my sexuality, and he's a cat! I don't know why I haven't told Usagi. Fear of rejection I suppose. I've heard of stories where your oldest and dearest friends abandon you because of your preferences.

Usagi, April and Casey are my only friends. I don't want them to abandon me. I need them.

I fixed a smile on my face despite my mysterious nervousness and pulled the door open, ready to graciously greet whoever it was behind the wooden door. I let it swing open, revealing the guest.

Our dear old friend April O'Neil, looking very pretty in a pair of casual jeans and a tank top. She grinned at me then gave me a peck on the cheek to say hello. She held a gift wrapped in silver paper for our master and I let her step inside. I mentally frowned, why did I feel slightly disappointed?

"Uh, hi April, how are you doing?" I asked, forcing another smile to my face and shutting the door behind her.

"I'm fine thanks Leo. Is Casey here?" She wondered, moving to put her gift on the table next to the one from my brothers and me. I furrowed my brow, following her.

"No, I thought he was coming with you?" I posed thoughtfully.

"He was but he never showed up. I really couldn't leave it any later so I came by myself," She explained, setting her present down. I pulled a face. This didn't sound good.

"Have you tried phoning him?" I suggested, ignoring Mikey yelling at Klunk for trying to lick the frosting on the cake. I seriously hope my brother caught his kitty in time.

"Yeah, it was turned off. I left a message telling him I was here," She shrugged in reply.

"It's ok April, don't worry about it," I smiled reassuringly at her. She nodded and went to say hi to the others.

Casey was as hotheaded as Raphael at times and he wasn't the sharpest knife in the drawer either. I hoped he'd just got caught up at the store or something because Arnold Casey Jones also has a knack for landing himself in deep trouble. I worry about him almost as much as my brothers, and he's a full grown man at that.

I was starting to feel really nervous now. I couldn't understand why. It was just Usagi, why should I feel apprehensive about meeting him again? I don't know why but I surely was if the frantic butterflies in my stomach had anything to say on the matter. It was crazy, was Usagi's soon to arrive presence making me timid?

But that was absurd, wasn't it?

A knock sounded on the door, light and less musical than the doorbell. Casey wouldn't knock like that. There was only one person who it could be. I felt like hiding, I felt so shy. I shook my head forcefully, reprimanding myself for being so silly. Almost reluctantly, I moved and opened the door.

It was indeed the rabbit samurai, Miyamoto Usagi.

I blinked. He looked good. Not good as in healthy, although he was very healthy as far as I could see. No, good as in, well...good. Good like...I can't explain it. I felt almost as if I was _attracted _to him! But that's just stupid, I mean, he's Usagi, he's my best friend, you don't get attracted to your best friends, it's just wrong.

But I found myself wanting to cuddle that soft, white fur. His dark eyes seemed intoxicating, his mouth alluring. I wondered if you took off his kimono, could you see the muscles through his pelt? I felt the urge to embrace him and pondered what his kiss would feel like.

He tilted his head, smiling softly in amusement and confusion at me. I realised I was staring and blushed in embarrassment. He gave a laugh and stepped forward into the house as I made way for him.

"Forgive me Usagi-san, you just...reminded of something," I offered feebly and he nodded in understanding. I heard his voice and all the anxiety melted away like snow in spring.

"That is perfectly alright Leonardo-san. I take it you are well this lovely summer evening?" He asked, setting his bags down next to the coat rack.

"Very well thank you, yourself?" I smiled widely, feeling my cheeks burn. I'd never felt more ridiculous than that moment in time.

"Never better,"

He grinned and before I knew it, he laughed once more and enveloped me in a hug. I numbly returned the gesture, finding myself breathing in his musky, spicy scent and wanting more of it, feeling the fur under mu calloused fingers and wanting more of that too.

He withdrew, holding me at arm's length, observing me through those eyes that made me forget everything else. He was smaller than me, even though he was older. He looked up into my eyes, grinning widely, truly at ease, looking forward to the night ahead.

"I shall have to bring a box with me in the future if you continue to grow," He chortled, regrettably taking his hands from my shoulders and placing them on his hips.

"It's not my fault you're small," I shrugged with a wolfish grin, moving behind him to shut the door.

He tisked, bending down to unzip his bag and take a look inside. I hurriedly looked away as the view of his ass looked very appealing right now. I can't believe I just said that. I shook my head vigorously once more and was grateful when he straightened up again. I took the gift he offered.

"The greatest sake my world has to offer, for your master," He smiled, heaving his back onto his shoulder.

"He'll thank you for that," I laughed, taking it to the table.

"Yo! Usagi-dude! How you doin'?"

I smiled at my brother's greeting (Very Joey-esque) to my friend and took Usagi's bags. He would be sleeping in my room tonight whilst April and Casey had the spare room. I'm not sure if I was supposed to be happy about that or not. He's staying tomorrow night too, like a mini vacation. Not much of a holiday over here though.

I set his bags down in a corner, near to the camp bed I'd prepared earlier. It never used to bother me, but now the fact Usagi and I were sharing a room made me feel kind of shy. What if I embarrassed myself? What if we had nothing to talk about? What if I accidentally walked in on him naked or something? How can that last possibility sound both so good and so bad at the same time?

I rubbed my forehead tiredly. This was going to be a long night. Hopefully no one notices my strange behaviour. I was going to find my unexpected attraction to my friend difficult to hide. Maybe this was just a little phase I'm going through because my brothers are ready to date and I'm not.

Entering the living room I paused and tilted my head, listening. Was it me, or was someone fiddling with the front door latch? From the look on Usagi's face, he'd heard it too. No! He can't be back yet! We're not finished! Casey's not here! I thought we had ages yet!

"Quick! Hide!"

What followed was quite humourous. Raph literally lobbed the last streamers over the fireplace and dived behind Sensei's chair. Donny tripped over Klunk and skidded under the table cloth. April and Mikey bumped haphazardly into each other before April leapt under the table with Don and Mike snatched his cat and hid behind the kitchen door. Usagi and I glanced frantically at one another and he had sense enough to flick out the lights and then flopped behind the couch next to me.

I peeked over the arm and watched in the darkness as the front door opened and closed and we heard the master juggle his shopping with a few Japanese curses.

"My sons?" He called out to the unusually quiet lair.

I saw him hesitate then sniff the air, puzzled. Great, he'd smelt April's perfume. He set down the bag of candles he held and took a confident step into the blackened main room. I frowned in a result of him looking at our hiding places each in turn. When he glanced over in mine and Usagi's direction, he looked me straight in the eyes and smiled widely.

"My sons?" He repeated and switched on the lights.

"SURPRISE!"

Well, he certainly pretended good. He faked astonishment when we jumped out and yelled at him. It almost hurt knowing we couldn't surprise him, but it still felt good knowing he appreciated it. I didn't need to be told he did, I could see it in his eyes.

I watched from a distance as he was greeted and well wished and found myself proud of my brothers. When Usagi congratulated my father I felt I needed to be there, seeking acceptance and comfort to heal my secret.

"Party time dudes and dudette!"

Mikey switched on the cd player and loud, pumping tunes echoed throughout the lair. Surprisingly, the master has taken a liking to dance music, although thankfully he doesn't use it for meditating. I think I'd have to move out. I can only handle Mike's music in small doses.

However, Casey's absence hung over everyone's minds like a storm cloud. I could tell April was getting really worried for her boyfriend. Casey loved parties and food and loud music and the chance to make a huge mess and not get told off for it, so it really was an odd occurrence he wasn't there.

"Hey! Turn it down Mike, ah can hear someone's phone!" Raph cried over the deafening racket.

Michelangelo obeyed and sure as shell you could hear his ring tone, some shrill and annoying dance melody. He fished it out of his belt and whistled at the caller id. He flipped it open and held it to his ear.

"Hey where are ya Case-Man? Party's already started dude!" He said into the device, aware everyone's eyes were on him. "Whaddya mean you 'ran into some trouble'? ... Aw dude they're just Purple Dragons for cryin' out loud! ... There's a lot of 'em? Ok, ok, we'll be right there...party pooper,"

My fears had come true, Casey had gotten involved in a fight. That was just our luck. It had to happen today of all days, now of all times. I know it sounds big headed of me, but at least they were only Purple Dragons. I could relax knowing they would attack Casey because of his vigilante days and not because Karai had told them to.

"We'd better go and rescue the little wimp," Raph sighed in exasperation.

"But why'd he ring me and not you?" Mike frowned, slipping his shell cell back into the pouch on his belt.

"Because we argued over who was gonna win the hockey tournament," Raph shrugged carelessly. Usagi sniggered.

"I'm sorry about this Sensei, we shall be back shortly," I apologised, bowing to our father politely.

"It's alright Leonardo. Go, and do be careful. Miss O'Neil shall keep me company," Master Splinter smiled, waving his hand in dismissal.

"Are you coming with us Usagi-san?" Donatello asked with a grin as we moved to the door. I felt an odd, uncomfortable flash of jealousy in a result of the rabbit grinning back.

"Of course I am. And here I thought I would have a quiet vacation!"

To Be Continued

A.N: Haha I just had a thought, imagine if it was the Foot coming in and not Splinter lol. Now that would have been funny! Anyway, I hope you enjoyed and please review! I'll try not to be too long with an update because I love you guys!


	2. The HockeyBostaff

1A.N: Three reviews, hm, interesting. Is the pairing putting people off or something? Or is it me in general? Well whatever, thanks so much for reviewing DarkIceDragon, Bubbly shell and Nicole, you guys are great, I love you. I'm putting this up for you guys, and if no one else will read it, I know you will Nicky lol. And you'll beat me up for updates too lol. So anyway, enjoy.

Disclaimer: Check chapter one. No circumstances have changed sadly.

Impetus

Chapter Two

The Hockey-Bostaff

Usagi's POV

I must confess, New York City is stunning bathed in the sunset. It looked as if King Midas had spread his touch of golden rays and every skyscraper and building transformed into that heavenly, beautiful metal. Of course we have sunsets at home but we have no towers, no concrete, no burning, righteous Lady Liberty in all her glory.

Sprinting across the rooftops in the warm summer air and hearing my feet pound on the rough, grey floor was a most exhilarating experience. I had never done this at home, I have never felt the need to work as one being with the shadows. Back home I do not need to hide like I do in New York.

I pity my comrades. How difficult it must be to accept you will never belong in society, therefore having to squander in the sewers and make enemies with the marvellous moon and the splendid sun. After living my whole life in a world where I can freely walk the streets, save a soul without a scream, bask in life's light, I realise how very fortunate I am.

Performing in the Battle Nexus Tournament must have refreshed my friends' thirst for life. I know Michelangelo especially adored recognition and acceptance as a result of him being such a social creature. It is quite bizarre really that he and Leonardo are brothers, as they are as different as chalk and cheese.

However to be honest, my four companions really do make an odd yet extremely close family. They are all so alike one another but on the other hand they are as dissimilar as can be. For example, all four turtles have a very strong sense of honour and justice even though they have varied views on life. For instance, Raphael appears quite anti-social, quick to cause trouble but protective and courageous, and yet Donatello is peaceful and controlled, preferring to tinker away the hours quite happily in his extraordinary and admirable laboratory. In contrast, Michelangelo is loud and boisterous and very much a child at heart, whereas Leonardo is quiet, modest, obedient, the perfect student.

Do you understand my concept? It is Leonardo on the other hand I have connected the most with. I think it is because he reminds me of myself when I was younger, both eager to please, ready to learn, even stubborn and unemotional at times. He will come to realise, as I have done, the lessons he will not expect to struggle through will be extremely beneficial, especially those involved with emotions. They are a part of us, and these feelings will still remain and force us to face them eventually, no matter how vigorously we resist them.

I know my presence tonight was making him uneasy. He feels shy and out of place, I can see that in the way he avoids giving me instructions like he does his brothers. I do not begrudge him his responsibility. Out here in the darkness and playing ninja, he is the sensei, and I am very much the student, only he does not see that. I think he will in time. There are many situations in life where our roles are reversed, whether we expect them to or not. They will of course generally take place when we are not. Leonardo just can't see that yet, he is too young.

I am not saying youth is a bad thing. In fact it can be quite profitable but generally you find with age comes wisdom as well as frailty and a darkened outlook. When you are young you are brash and impatient, but also graceful and innocent. You win some, you lose some after all. I suppose both have their advantages and disadvantages.

As I ran, I watched the ninjas darting in and out of the light as if it burned them. I had no choice but to trust and follow them. Ninjas and samurai are so different and yet I am realising they are some of the best friends I have ever had the pleasure to make.

They are quite rare, it's as if they are ninjas with a samurai's honour and morals. I think that may be what draws me to them so strongly. I do find them intriguing, extraordinary. I enjoy spending time with my reptilian companions not only because of their company but because watching them display that honour amuses me. It is quite unlike anything I've seen before.

I must admit though, I believe my ninja friends are far more practical than myself. I disapprove of some of the activities they take part in. For example, in the turtles have just defeated a petty criminal stealing a little cash, they sometimes take a small amount for themselves. I do try to console myself with the fact that without that money they will perish but still I am uncomfortable with the idea, even if they _do _need it. Hell I'd give them the money to survive myself if I had it but I'm struggling to make ends meet as it is, as a travelling ronin often is.

I suppose I could stay with my lord for a while and ask for funds but I don't like that possible solution. I'd rather do this my own way, without help. Besides, so what if I'm not the richest samurai? I have my health, my friends, my swords, a place to sleep, what more could I ask for? I am happy with life and I think life is happy with me for the moment because peace is blissfully lingering.

"Ok guys, just...just do...what we always do, ok?"

I shook my head, recognising Leonardo's nervousness. It was obviously because of my presence. The only time I have fought with and not against him was two years ago versus the Daimyo's son's assassins, and he wasn't expected to take charge then. I'm guessing he feels intimidated now because he fears I will judge and criticize his abilities as an unofficial leader.

That I would not do. Tonight, I follow his command to the end. He and his brothers know a lot more about these 'Purple Dragons' than I do, although they do not seem worried about a purple reptilian threat. I was not aware of New York being under assault of dragons, had there been an outbreak from the zoo? I turned to Michelangelo running next to me, the youngest.

"Michelangelo-san, has the zoo lost its exhibition of lizards?" I asked politely, shivering as the wind whistled through my ears.

To my great surprise, Michelangelo began to laugh loudly, throwing his head to the sky and opening his mouth wide as if to swallow the stars. I stared at him in bewilderment as he guffawed, clearly finding my question amusing. I looked at the others in confusion. Raphael rolled his chocolate eyes and Leonardo sighed in exasperation at their little brothers antics. Donatello smiled patiently at me.

"No Usagi-san, Central Zoo still has its exhibition of lizards. The 'Purple Dragons' are a local gang who like to cause trouble, that's all. And they're human, I'm afraid we're the only anthropomorphics in New York City as far as I know," He explained clearly as Michelangelo continued to chuckle as if it were the most humourous thing on earth. I suddenly felt very foolish.

"I see, please forgive my ignorance," I murmured, feeling a hint of a blush rise to my cheeks. I was grateful for my fur at that moment in time.

"Nah, yer ok Usagi-san, we didn't really expect anythropy-whatever-Don-just-said when we went t'yours," Raphael shrugged in reassurance. That revelation made me feel a lot less idiotic.

I knew we were close approaching the battlefield when we heard war cries and the thuds of wood on steel. It sounded like someone was losing badly if the swearing and cursing was anything to go by. My companions didn't seem too concerned however, Raphael and Michelangelo were actually chortling quietly to themselves. Perhaps these Purple Dragons really were nothing to fret about.

We halted on a rooftop and I knew the awaiting scuffle was in the alley below. Hesitantly I peered over the edge of the building and felt astonishment worm its way through me. The man in question, Casey Jones if I remember correctly, was surrounded by a vast number, fifty or so, of bizarrely dressed teenagers and young men. I could see tattoos winding their way down various biceps and jaws, they looked like different styles of dragons, Chinese, long and thin, short and vicious, smoking and breathing fire, talons exposed, every kind of dragon you could imagine. And they were all the same shade of purple.

Raphael cracked his knuckles and startled me. I regained my composure and scanned the environment as Leonardo did. They alleyway was cramped and filthy and it would be unbearably hot down there too with all the bodies and summer air. Leonardo noticed it was a poor atmosphere also because he was frowning unhappily.

"What an awful place to fight," I exclaimed in dismay.

"Tell me about it," Leonardo sighed, rolling his shoulders and eyeing the opposition.

"Casey has a habit of choosin' the worst places in which t'land himself in trouble," Raphael winked mischievously at me.

"Hey Raph, battle count?" Michelangelo smirked, slipping his nunchaku from his belt.

"Y'didn't even haveta ask," Raphael grinned wolfishly, sliding a finger down the longest tip of one sai.

"Let the best Michelangelo win!" The youngest turtle whooped and leapt over the side of the building and skidded down the rattling steel rails of the side ladders and balconies attached to the walls.

"Don't think so bruv!" Raphael cried, diving after him.

"Battle count?" I raised a puzzled brow at my remaining friends.

"Count every opponent you knock unconscious," Donatello supplied helpfully, offering a smile before joining his brothers. I looked at Leonardo and he smiled softly, stunning blue eyes gleaming as if the stars were imprisoned inside.

"Whoever knocks the most out, wins," He whispered, voice light. I found myself grinning in anticipation, heart beating wildly. Was I excited about the upcoming skirmish, or did Leonardo's husky tone and bright eyes thrill me?

I shook the thoughts from my head and followed his example, scaling down the cold, black metal ladder into the heart of everything. Our unexpected presence dazed our enemy and we pushed forward with eagerness as one being, melting out of the shadows and into the moondust. Mr Jones let out a shrill shriek of gratitude and exuberance.

A youth faced me instantly. He looked to be in about his mid-twenties, like myself, only he must have been at least a whole foot taller. His shoulders seemed twice the size of mine and I eyed his bulging muscles enviously. A snarling oriental dragon snaked its way down his jaw and neck onto his collar bone, bright against the pale skin. Humans certainly coax their hair into outlandish styles! His was teased long in front of his face then back-combed into something that resembled a rather untidy birds' nest. The worst thing was of course its colour, a bright florescent green. Really, where do they think of hairstyles like this?

Just as I was pondering how I was going to defeat this mountain of a human, he lunged for me. I stepped aside as quick as a flash and blinked in surprise as a result of him stumbling. I smiled in recognition. This human behemoth may have huge strength but he had sacrificed his speed for it. Fortunately, I have adequate supplies of both speed and strength. This was going to be easier than I first thought.

As the man bent forwards in consequences of his stagger, I took the hilt of my blade and tapped it against his skull. I was even more awed when he collapsed immediately, his colossal weight making the ground tremble. I was waiting for him to clamber back up but he didn't. I crouched next to him and found him unconscious. My first point.

I looked up from the fallen Purple Dragon and glanced around, finding my comrades occupied. The turtles were finding our task as simple as I had just done so I peered at Casey Jones. The human was coping well now he had reinforcements. I frowned in bewilderment at the weapon he was swinging haphazardly whilst screeching 'Goongulla', whatever that means. It must be an earth term I am not familiar with.

But the weapon Mr. Jones was wielding really was odd. It looked like a long wooden stick, flat and polished, yet it flicked suddenly into a curve at the end. And the handle was wrapped in blue cloth, worn and faded. Was this a new evolution of the bostaff I have not come across before? He certainly handled it rather wildly, quite unlike Donatello.

I turned and focussed my attention back onto our fight. I faced a number of assorted humans ranging from around a mere fifteen to late thirties. The efforts reminded me of when I watched Michelangelo on one of his video games during my last visit here. He was very good at controlling his particular character through the streets, throwing down offending criminals as he went. The orange clad turtle could get very far into that game with ease.

I already had eighteen points. Maybe the big ones count as two? To be honest, I was rather disappointed. I had thought some of the best fighters in the universe came from earth, Hamato Yoshi for example, and yet these humans were sparring worse than amateurs. I can understand Mr. Jones having trouble without us because he was so unfairly outnumbered, yet with four ninjas and a samurai backing him up, the gang had no chance.

After falling Mr. Twenty-Two, I risked a glance around me. Their numbers had greatly thinned and the conflict was almost over, I could tell. Raphael and Michelangelo flourished, both thinking they were the winner of our little competition. Mr. Jones appeared weary but thankful the struggle was nearly finished. Donatello was calm and patient, yet clearly wanting to hurry off into the bliss of home.

I allowed my gaze to wander onto Leonardo in the corner, slipping in the dirt like the rest of us. He fought with such effortless, flowing grace it was like he didn't need to contemplate his next movement. He glided like a river, fluent, smooth and powerful. It was breathtaking really, the way he fought at such a young age. It was almost frightening.

I darted forwards so fast I almost tripped. I saw the long, lead pipe heading straight for his head even if he didn't. He was too busy deflecting three other Purple Dragons, unable to see what was taking place behind him. I threw my sword to the floor and dived at my friend, shoving him clean out of the way and toppling over together.

We crashed to the floor in a tangle of bodies, his shell taking the brunt of our fall. My palms were sore where I had grazed them slamming them before me to stop me from smashing headfirst into the concrete. I heard him groan with our impact and opened my eyes.

I nearly had a heart attack.

Our faces were barely inches apart, I could feel his breath tickling my fur. My arms were braced either side of his head, his hands by his sides after breaking our fall. I straddled his waist, knees pinning him to the floor and effectively trapping him. We stared at each other, completely dazed.

My blood ran cold as I realised it felt _good _to be in this position. My breath hitched and I felt his stomach rise and fall beneath him. My heart beat erratically inside my chest as he nervously licked dry lips. I gulped timidly, cursing myself for finding them so inviting. My palms stung but I didn't dare get up, in case I missed the situation a little too much.

"Usagi-san!"

I tore myself from his body as if it burnt me and scrambled to my feet. Raphael tossed me the sword I had dropped. He had cleared the man attacking Leonardo, administering an admirable flying kick as he informed me later. I tried to dismiss the areas where my body had touched Leonardo's that were tingling infuriatingly. Leonardo gathered his katana on the floor, dropped in a result of his shock.

"So dudes! What's the score?" Michelangelo trilled cheerfully.

I looked around to find the offending humans flat out and moaning in pain, utterly defeated. We had made short work of them. Michelangelo looked proud enough to make up for my dissatisfaction. I was expecting a real fight, not a bunch of amateurs. I let out a little sigh and returned my faithful blade to its sheath.

"Read 'em 'n' weep boys, twenty amazin' KO's!" Raphael boasted smugly, rotating the soreness from his wrists.

"Aw man! You're kidding me! Dude I got nineteen! Nineteen! If I'd have just managed two more!" Michelangelo wailed in distress. I couldn't help but let out a quiet chuckle, well hidden behind my paw of course.

"Hey it's ok Mike, I only got seventeen," Donatello smiled comfortingly, patting his brother on the shoulder. Naturally, this consoled the youngest very much.

"And what about you Fearless?" Raphael smirked at their elder brother, who looked rather curiously distracted.

"What? Oh, um, I lost count. I think it was about eighteen, nineteen, something like that," Leonardo shrugged casually, clearly just to get his rebellious brother's attention hurriedly onto something else and not on his musings. Perhaps I injured him when I shoved him?

"Yeah well, ah beat all o'ya! Ah got twenty-eight!" Casey Jones bragged, preening himself and flicking his hair from his eyes quite egotistically.

"Yeah, and how much longer than us were you fightin' Case?" Raphael asked in exasperation, hands on hips.

"Um...half an hour," Casey grinned sheepishly.

"Exactly, dumbass," Raphael rolled his eyes at me and I offered him a chortle in return. "What about you Usagi-san? Beat me?" He smirked.

"My final score was twenty-two," I was again thankful for my snow white fur which hid my warm, scarlet cheeks.

"No way! Dude, that's awesome! _No one _beats Raph at this game! Not even Leo!" Michelangelo cried, slapping me heartily on the back. Raphael shrugged, surprisingly modest.

"I get the most practice," He answered, beginning the trek to the nearest manhole cover.

"Now dudes and dudette, it's time to paaaar-taaay!!"

"Who's the dudette? There ain't no dudette here,"

"Yeah there is - Casey,"

"Hey! I ain't no chick!"

"I dunno Case, y'certainly got some man-breasts goin' on!"

"Ah do no- ok I do,"

"How d'you know Mike?"

"Dude, you can't really miss 'em, I mean, look!"

"Can we please change the subject?"

"Yeah! Ah don't appreciate my man boobs bein' talked about!"

"Shut up Casey,"

"Shutting up,"

I couldn't help but chortle at the exchange that took place. All my anxieties and troubles instantly melted away at their laughter echoing through the night. I had been looking forward to this break ever since I was invited a whole lunar month ago. Nothing truly refreshed you than spending time in the company of those that made you smile, and Leonardo and his brothers certainly upturned the corners of my mouth.

"Tell me Mr Jones," I requested the moment we were all safe and sound in the sewers once more. "About that remarkable weapon you possess,"

Another reason I pity my reptilian friends is their habitat. I imagine they've become so accustomed to the stench of New York's sewers they hardly notice it. Perhaps it's even their smell that reminds them of home. Some people enjoy the freshly cut grass of their front lawn, or the scent of delicious food gently simmering in their kitchen or maybe even the sickly sweet smell of too many spring blossoms in the air freshener they spray. But whatever their homely smell may be, it shall always remind them of the comforts and pleasures of home.

But what about the aroma I associate with home I hear you question. As a travelling ronin, there are a fair few number of fragrances I have grown to adore (and loathe for that matter). My favourites include the strong, sharp shot of a glass of decent sake; wafts of tasty, mouth-watering broths and stews when they are tenderly brewing ready for dinner and the relaxing, heavy essence of frankincense incense as it slowly smoulders and smokes. However, nothing, absolutely nothing, compares to the dewy breath of the forest near my lord's estate after a heavy rainfall and all the leaves of all the trees have released their heavenly sap through their pores. That is truly the perfume of home for me.

To my great astonishment, my companions began to laugh at me because of my simple inquiry about Mr Jones' odd weapon. I stared around in bewilderment in a result of even Donatello enjoying a little snicker at my expense. To my relief on the other hand, Leonardo rolled his brilliant sapphire eyes at their reaction and smiled comfortingly at me. I mentally frowned, why had my stomach just swiftly knotted and unknotted itself?

"It's not a weapon Usagi-san," He explained kindly. "It's used in one of our sports called hockey, and you have to hit a ball into a net with it. Casey is a sports fanatic, and your resident hockey basket case, which is why he uses sports equipment as weapons,"

I really must accustom myself with these earth phenomenons. They make me feel so ignorant at times.

To Be Continued

A.N: Decided to try alternating POV's and I kinda like it lol. Anyway, hope you all liked it too. Take care.


	3. Hangover Tea and Childhood Memories

1A.N: Hm, guess this story isn't as bad as I thought since it's picking up a few more reviewers, you guys are great lol. Enjoy chapter three.

Impetus

Chapter Three

Hangover Tea and Childhood Memories

Leonardo's POV.

"Mike, do you have enough cheesecake there?"I asked sarcastically, raising an eye ridge at the section of the food table solely dedicated to all different types of cheesecake. There must have been at least five various flavours.

"You're right! I should go get some more!" My little brother gasped in horror. I grabbed his wrist as he made to dash towards the kitchen.

"Mike! Whoa! We have plenty, I was just joking!" I explained hurriedly.

"Oh, right, sure, I knew that," He grinned stupidly at me. I rolled my eyes and let go of him.

"Sure you did,"

"Hey do you think cheesecake has _real _cheese in it?" He asked curiously, examining one of the individual mini cheesecakes he'd bought. He's obsessed with it.

"I have no idea, but why call it cheesecake if it has nothing to do with cheese?" I wondered. Mike shrugged and began to shovel spoonfuls of it into his mouth as if he hadn't eaten for days.

I was getting quite sleepy now. It was well into the early hours of the morning and the guests were too tired but to do anything but sit around and chat in lazy voices. The music was turned off and Casey was snoring like a jackhammer in Sensei's armchair. Sensei himself must have been on his sixth glass of sake and was still very merry. When Usagi-san said it was the best, he wasn't kidding.

And Usagi? I'd sort of kept my distance from the rabbit since we got home from the scuffle with the Purple Dragons hours ago. It wasn't difficult, we were at a party after all. However, avoiding my best friend did kind of make me feel rather guilty. I mean, he's come all this way for my Sensei's birthday just to see us, and I completely ignore him like a proper jerk.

But can you really blame me? I mean if I'm around him, I'll just feel stupid and shy because he makes me feel so giddy and nervous. I can't have anyone else noticing and becoming suspicious. Daimyo, I don't think I've ever felt this attracted to anyone before in my life. It's actually quite scary. Is this what my brothers feel like when they're around girls they like? Oh god, someone help me.

Speaking of girls, I can hear the girl Raph likes yelling at him over the phone. My brother is a little tipsy, and he has just phoned her at a quarter past three in the morning, so she's not very happy, despite his protests it was Sensei's birthday. He passed the shell cell to Master Splinter, Natasha wished him birthday greetings and then when our father gave Raph his phone back, she hung up on him.

It didn't take long for everyone to clamber into bed after that. Casey wouldn't get up for love nor money, not even when Mikey waved the sake under his nose. Don and I had to carry him to the spare bed as we were the only ones anywhere near sober. Even April was giggling and stumbling as she followed.

I think everyone will be lying in tomorrow if all the empty bottles are anything to go by. Donny and I stayed up a little longer to clear the place up whilst everyone else prepared themselves for bed. If we left the tidying up until tomorrow, nobody would be in the mood to do it. Besides, I can trust Donny to help me get it done and not slack off.

When I entered my room rubbing my temples tiredly, I expected Usagi to be sleeping the sake off already but he wasn't. I should have knocked really but I didn't think about it. It was my room after all, I wasn't generally used to knocking on the door of my own room. I went in thinking of nothing but collapsing into my warm comforting bed.

I froze in the doorway in horror. No, I hadn't walked in on him naked, (was that a good thing, or a bad thing?) I'd walked in on him looking at my paintings, which was much worse. I shut the door gently and gulped nervously. He looked up at me and smiled softly, making me blush deeply.

"I didn't know you liked to paint," He murmured quietly, laying my sketchbook back on my desk.

"I love to paint," I whispered timidly.

"Do your brothers know?" He asked in interest, turning to face me. He was still dressed.

"No, I don't think so," I answered, moving over towards my bedside table. I began to unwrap the supports around my wrists.

"How do you keep them secret?" He questioned thoughtfully, watching me.

"Like this," I picked up my small portfolio and neatly tucked it inside a very large and very heavy book of Ancient Japanese architecture. "No one ever looks in there," And I put my book back on its shelf.

I don't know why but I didn't mind Usagi knowing about my paintings. Maybe it's because I know he'd never laugh at me. Or maybe it's because I wanted him to see into the windows of my soul and know how I really feel about everything in life. I don't know what it was, but I was glad.

When he laughed quietly at my technique, I felt all my concerns about sharing a room with him fading away beyond my reach. So I was slightly attracted to him now, big deal. Nothing had changed. We were still best friends, still connected by something more than simple common ground. I know that sounds ever so cheesy but it's true. Usagi and I were something more than friends yet there was nothing romantic going on, does that make sense?

I believe a soul mate isn't always the one you fall in love with, but the one with whom you share something special. You understand each other without saying a word and your mere presence helps them up when they fall. And no matter what happens between you, you can never bring yourself to think ill of them and you unquestioningly support them through anything and everything. To me, that is a soul mate.

So I think it is safe to say that at this moment in my life, Miyamoto Usagi is my soul mate. God I sound like some cheap romance movie. But everything that defines a soul mate to me applies to Usagi and myself. I think if the feeling was mutual though, he would have said something to me about it by now. He's that type of person. If he feels strongly about anything, he hardly ever hesitates in voicing his opinion, to the correct people of course. For example, he can't really express any annoyance he has with his lord _to _his lord, can he? That would be just asking for trouble.

I unknotted my bandana and pulled it from my face, holding the warm material in my calloused hands. I shook my head and sighed, placing it on my bedside table next to my supports, belt and knee and elbow pads. I flicked my eyes to the mirror on the wall and then hurriedly returned them to my hands. My rabbit friend was beginning to undress, sliding the pale blue kimono from his slim, muscled shoulders. I bit my lip hard. I will not look, I will not look.

I managed to roll up my mask, my belt and both my supports into neat and tidy reels before I heard him climb in between the sheets of the camp bed and I knew it was safe to turn around. Give a turtle a heart attack why don't you Usagi! But as I settled back in my bed, I couldn't quite wipe the image of his strong and defined shoulder blades beneath the fur out of my head.

"Goodnight, Usagi-san,"

"Goodnight Leonardo,"

He was asleep, breathing softly and happily before it clicked. He called me _Leonardo_, not Leonardo-san, but Leonardo. It could be the effects of the sake finally taking place, but adding san was a sin of formality, taking it away, well, it suggested comfort, friendliness. Of course it doesn't generally apply in America, but my family and I have never needed to use chan or san because we knew each other more than very well. Was Usagi simply a little drunk, or did he genuinely believe we were now so close formality was no longer needed?

Should I ask him about it tomorrow? Or should I wait until he mentions it? Or should I start calling him Usagi? But what if that offended him? This was crazy. How could three little letters throw a relationship into major question? I listened to him sleep, wondering how long he'd lie in tomorrow.

I was far too tired to process everything that had happened since my friend's arrival today so I shifted into a more comfortable position and closed my eyes with a weary yet elated breath. As I was letting the darkness fill my mind, an image had rudely pushed its way into my thoughts.

Usagi pinned me to the harsh concrete, his face so close his breath warmed my skin. He straddled my stomach, his thighs pressing into my sides. His eyes, they were confused yet almost inviting. I groaned quietly and rolled over. I'd tried to forget that hot, thrilling feeling, but I guess I wasn't allowed. It was going to be a long night.

I cursed the alarm clock I'd forgotten to turn off and brutally slammed the snooze button. I rubbed my eyes, nursing the slight headache that had formed. Hm, I wonder how Casey would feel when he woke up. It was probably the sake that did him in, I don't think he'd ever had it before. I don't think he ever will again either come to think of it.

I lay still in the darkness, listening to Usagi's light breathing as he slept peacefully. It took longer than I liked to fall into slumber last night after I'd remembered what had gone off fighting the Purple Dragons yesterday evening. I just couldn't throw it off again. I'd recalled that feeling and just couldn't escape it. It felt so good it was unreal. I'd never felt like that before, not ever. It was so strange, however I found I liked it, very much so.

Shaking my head I flung off my sheets and very quietly manoeuvred my way around my room to the door, carefully avoiding Usagi's camp bed. He won't even know I'm missing, I am ninja after all. I closed the door behind me and travelled into the kitchen.

The lair was deadly silent, until you passed Raph's, Mikey's and Casey's doors, they all had abnormally loud snores, I don't know how April puts up with Casey, I hate loud sleepers, especially if they talk and smack their lips and grind their teeth in their sleep like Casey does. It drives me mad.

I must have been the only one awake, everyone one else was smart enough to turn off their alarms and Usagi miraculously slept through mine. I could have gone back to sleep but I know I wouldn't be able to. Once I've woken up, that's it, I have to get up. Better prepare myself for a few boring hours on my own whilst everyone else slept off the alcohol.

After making myself a cup of tea I steeled down at the table with yesterday's newspaper. I was so busy panicking about the party yesterday I didn't have time to read it. I snorted in disgust at the article about Karai taking her father's place in funding for the city's improvements. That'll change. I've lost all faith in her and soon she will get what's coming to her. I just know it.

I've told Usagi about my huge mistake and he told me although it's alright to try and see good in everyone, there is always evil in there too, just like Yin and Yang. I understand what he's saying now I think. Not everyone will be a suspect, but not everyone deserves your trust either.

It's odd that I'm attracted to him even though he's seven years older. Maybe it's his wisdom and experience that appeals to me, I don't know. Or perhaps it's the security he offers, because he's older he can look after me. I don't know what it is, but it sure feels good, even though I know it's wrong.

I thought I wasn't ready for love, and yet something like this springs on me. Well, I don't think I can really call it love, because I've never been in love before. But if this what just crushing on somebody feels like, love must be mind-blowing. Wow I don't think I could sound any cheesier if I tried. I need to stop watching those chick flicks with April. I only watch them with her because no one else will (except Master Splinter of course) and look where it gets me.

I know there's no chance of us ever getting romantically linked however. With Usagi I mean, not April. I don't even know if he's gay. Imagine what it'd be like if I expressed how I felt and he was totally straight! I think I'd want the floor to swallow me up whole and never spit me out again. And then there's the age difference. He probably thinks I'm just a kid, I mean seven years is quite a bit. There's also the whole other world thing. I know portals can get you here and there in seconds but still, neither of us have enough time to keep flitting in and out of each other's worlds, it's just absurd.

Usagi and I can never be together, even if the attraction _is _mutual, which I know it's not. What can I offer him? I don't even live by myself. I can't earn money to survive, I have a dangerous life and I'm not even eighteen. I can't offer him anything.

Finished with the paper an hour later, I began working on the puzzles in there. I'm particularly fond of Su-Do-Ku, although Donny can finish them a lot faster than I can. The ones in the paper usually take me twenty minutes or so depending on the difficulty but he can finish them in half the time. I don't mind of course, he's the resident genius, things like this are a doddle to him.

Half an hour later whilst I was pondering where to put a certain nine and six in a specific box on my second Su-Do-Ku puzzle (I'd finished the first in a record eleven minutes) the rabbit samurai entered the kitchen, clutching his head.

"Maybe I should have bought your master the _second _best sake my world has to offer," He half chuckled, half moaned as he took a seat.

I laughed and got up to make him a drink, grateful he felt well enough to get dressed. I switched on the kettle and instead of reaching for our supply of green tea, I began to prepare a herbal one, which we usually lend to April when Casey has hangovers. Trust me, it works. And we'll probably get through a bucket load today.

"I didn't hear you get up," He said, watching me. Surprisingly, I didn't feel nervous at all.

"You weren't supposed to," I smiled at him. He offered one in return and I felt all giddy like a schoolgirl.

"Right, ninja," He grinned.

So far, he hadn't spoken my name. I wonder if he knew I was waiting for him to. I wanted to know if he would use 'Leonardo-san' or not, then I would really know if it were the effects of the sake or not. I hoped it wasn't, because I felt so close to him now there was no need for formalities whatsoever. Yet if it _was _because of the alcohol, I wouldn't be too disappointed, because if truth be told, I'm rather quite frightened.

"Here, drink this," I placed the mug before him.

The steaming liquid certainly didn't look too appetising. It was a murky brown in colour, I definitely didn't want to drink it. He sniffed it, whiskers twitching, then recoiled in disgust, much to my amusement.

"Does it taste as bad as it smells?" He asked feebly.

"Worse," I answered, trying desperately not to laugh.

"What about sugar?" He added hopefully.

"Don't even think about it," I said serenely. I had to bite my lip so I wouldn't snigger when he grimaced. I wasn't lying, it really did taste horrendous, and even more so when you added sugar.

He braced himself and took a large swallow.

"That's disgusting!" He said passionately, pulling a face far better than any of Casey's I'd ever seen.

I burst out laughing at him as he wiped his watering eyes. He half-heartedly told me to shut up, chortling himself. He was ready for it after that and drank the rest without so much as a wince, much to my disappointment.

I never realised how much I missed him. I don't know whether that's the attraction or the friendship speaking, but I really had missed him. I'd missed the way he always used to make me laugh with the slightest thing and I'd missed all the stories he told me about his days as a travelling ronin. And I'd most definitely missed the way he could always make me smile, even if the worst had happened.

We chatted for a while, sharing with each other what had happened since the last time we met. He told me about bloodthirsty ninja clans and his lord's new marriage, whilst I told him about my brother's new friends and the Foot laying dormant. He told me to keep my eye out for Karai and expect a disturbance in the near future. Way ahead of you Usagi.

"I believe that one's six," He posed thoughtfully, tilting his head to examine my half finished puzzle. I looked down and it was indeed six.

"Oh, yeah, thanks," I scribbled the number in, which meant the square next to it was a nine.

"It was an old friend of mine who first introduced me to Su-Do-Ku," He let out a quiet, almost sorrowful laugh. "I found myself practising it for hours just to get her to notice me,"

"Who was she?" His wistful tone disheartened me, yet I felt compelled to know more.

"Mariko, the most beautiful girl in our village. I haven't seen her in years," His eyes seemed to glisten and I gulped, finding myself slightly begging.

"Did you love her?" I mumbled, hoping I didn't sound nosey or anything. He smiled sadly.

"It was a long time ago. I was young like yourself. I may have loved her, but I don't think I knew what love was,"

My heart sank. He had had feelings for a _woman_. He was straight, my feelings were unrequited. I felt numb, almost heartbroken. And yet he seemed so yearning and forlorn, it made me want to hear all about this woman that affected him so. Where was she from? How did he meet her? Did she like him too? What happened between them?

"Where is she now?" I asked softly.

"The last I knew she was still in our village with my childhood rival, Kenichi. We competed at everything, strength, speed, wits, even for Mariko's love. I was usually better, and he hated me because of it. Mariko and I finally got together when she stayed at mine during a storm one night. Kenichi never forgave me for it. We had a happy relationship but when I decided to leave for the final stages of my samurai training, we chose to separate for both our sakes. That was five years ago. Once when I was visiting a town nearby a couple of years ago, I learnt she and Kenichi had wed, and living happily ever after with a son. I've never been back since. I don't think I could bear to,"

"I'm..." My voice broke. "I'm sorry,"

"Don't be. Like I said, it was a long time ago. Things have changed, _I've _changed,"

He smiled warmly at me and I felt all the previous unhappy emotions fade away from the both of us as if they were never there in the first place. I smiled back, feeling my heart thump hard in my plastron. To hide this, I hurriedly got to my feet to make us both another drink.

We chatted for another half an hour and he still hadn't mentioned my name, much to my annoyance. Maybe it had been the effects of the sake after all. Either that or he had been too tired to realise what he was saying. Maybe it was for the best. If our relationship got any closer I'd probably have a heart attack.

We could hear people throughout the lair rousing themselves groggily and slowly. There was probably going to be a kitchen full of hung over messes soon, ruining my peace and quiet. Oh, wonderful.

"I'm going for a shower if that's alright," He drained his mug of tea and I nodded, deep in thought.

"Sure,"

"And thanks for listening, Leonardo,"

To Be Continued

A.N: The information about Usagi's background can be found on Wikipedia under Usagi Miyamoto and you will find it's all from the original comics. I've been doing some research hehe. My story will revolve around that information so expect to hear more about Mariko and Kenichi, just not anytime soon though lol. Thanks for reading, you guys rock!


	4. Passing The Time

1A.N: So what did you guys think of the new movie? I saw it on the preview days here where they show it like a week before just for a couple of showings lol. I couldn't wait until it came out officially lol. But I absolutely adored it. Won't give anything away in case people haven't seen it but I found Mike and Don hilarious lol and Leo and Raph nearly made me cry lol, jerks. But anyway, here's Impetus. Enjoy. Thanks to Donny's Girl for beta reading, she rocks lol.

Impetus

Chapter Four

Passing The Time

"Ah, sociology, interesting Donatello-san,"

"Not really, it's just the sociological studies aspects such as education and welfare have on..."

"Shut up Don, we don't care what sociology is,"

I chuckled and examined my tiles, pondering my next turn. I must say, Scrabble with my reptilian friends is quite amusing to say the least, especially when Donatello creates words I did not know existed without looking in the dictionary and Michelangelo tries to get away with 'Neopets' and 'Kryptonite'. Raphael also tried to spell out 'Karai-is-a-hoe' but unfortunately (for Raphael at least) that was against the rules.

Needless to say, Donatello was in the lead. Logic puzzles like this were child's play to him. However, I expect the game is still quite enjoyable for the young turtle. How can it not be when you are playing with his brothers? Sometimes, I regret being an only child. Although if I had siblings, I expect sometimes I'd wish I hadn't.

"Your turn Leo,"

Leonardo had been very subdued since our talk in the kitchen this morning. I sincerely hope I haven't offended him by addressing him as just Leonardo. I can honestly say I don't feel one hundred per cent certain I should have. We have been good friends for two years now and I felt we were past formalities.

I know strong friendships take such a long time to build. They are like any structure, you have to develop them bit by bit. Rush it and the connections will not be as stable, take it too slow and you may lose motivation. I'm trying my hardest with this relationship because Leonardo does mean a great deal to me and I don't want to lose him any time soon.

Because I travel so much, my life can become so lonely. Sure I make friends in each town I visit, but I leave them behind when I have to move on for my next assignment. It's hard to stay in touch. As much as I love my work, I do miss my old friends from time to time, just like I miss Mariko and even Kenichi.

But that was such a long time ago. Things have happened since then. I know I have never loved since then, if I really did love Mariko. I've never had much time for love and courtship. I long for it occasionally, on a cold and lonesome night, but I don't feel the need to focus my life solely on finding a mate. Not at the moment anyway.

Perhaps I shall return to my childhood home one day soon and see how everything is going. The idea of Mariko and Kenichi together used to make my blood boil but now I've come to realise if they are happy together I shouldn't feel any resentment towards them, whether there was history between us or not.

Sharing my past with Leonardo this morning felt like another step ahead on our friendship path. I'd never spoken of Mariko to anyone before, not even my lord, whom I feel very close to. No, the friendship I have with Leonardo is different. I can't explain why, I think it may have something to do with the fact we just connected on our very first meeting, like a lock and key. Sometimes it almost feels like the friendship I shared with Mariko before our relationship developed.

Some nights, when I am curled in front of the crackling fire in an inn, when I am nursing a glass of sake by myself, when I am lying in bed feeling a little under the weather, I regret confessing my feelings to the beautiful rabbit during that storm. Sometimes I can't help but feel so much heartache for the both of us would have been spared if I hadn't told her.

I'll never forget her face, the way she looked at me when she watched me walk away from her. It reflected everything I felt inside, despair, anger, fear. She looked so heartbroken it took all my strength not to turn around and forsake my training. But I knew if there was ever going to be a future for us, it would have to take place after my training. If I'd stayed, I wouldn't have been able to look after her. We were young, foolish. My time away would give me maturity, experience, skills.

But I guess she just waited too long, grew tired of watching the horizon for me coming towards her and away from the sunset. It was coming to a time where she needed to marry, find a mate she was going to spend the rest of her life with. I wasn't there, so I suppose her second best choice was Kenichi.

It's strange, how it doesn't hurt anymore. I think I realised I needed to move on just like she had. It was no use wishing for her each night, she wasn't going to come to me, and I wasn't going to her. I never even asked how old their son was. I'm guessing four at the most, two at the least, only an infant. I may not feel brave enough to face Mariko and Kenichi again, but seeing their son would be an interesting experience.

Maybe when my life is quiet and I have collected my bravery, I shall return. Not for Mariko, but to settle my heart. It would give me peace of mind and allow me to carry on my travels without a worry. Perhaps it would even heal the rift between Kenichi and myself.

I realise though if I hadn't left Mariko and home, I wouldn't have experienced so many things. For example, I wouldn't have met Leonardo and his family. I probably would have never left my little village, grew old with Mariko and had many little rabbits hopping around underfoot. That sounds both a blessing and a curse. I would never have been able to see the world and that comforts me about my choice to leave greatly.

I observed Leonardo's profile as he mulled over his tiles and mentally frowned. On first glance, you would think the four reptilian brothers were completely identical save for their attire and eye colour. Then look closer and you realise they're not really that identical at all. Their skin tones were slightly different, Raphael's and Michelangelo's were more of an emerald, Leonardo's a dark jade and Donatello was edging more towards khaki. Look further and you see Michelangelo's plastron is slightly darker, Raphael's shell a little more oval, Donatello's beak raised a tad higher, Leonardo's hands smaller. And then of course were the various scars each of them had acquired over their small amount of years.

But there was something about Leonardo's appearance that startled me, even attracted me. He looked more interesting than handsome with the wide mouth, tough pebbled skin and three fingers, but his eyes drew me in, a vivid sapphire blue, and his smile, shy but comforting. I was indeed attracted to him, there was no doubt about it.

I hadn't generally felt attraction to members of the same sex. I had when I was growing up, I remember developing a liking for one of my teachers and getting into quite a bit of trouble for it too. But then my feelings for Mariko came to the surface and recently I haven't felt anything towards men, not even the slightest fleeting fancy. I thought it was a teenage phase I had grown out of. Apparently not.

I never indulged in any fantasies with the same sex of course, no matter how much I wanted to. The wrath of my father would have been far worse than anything I've ever been through, including bloodthirsty wars and assassins. If I didn't know that before, I certainly knew it when Kenichi found out about my crush on my teacher and told my parents.

I truly think my mother couldn't care less if I preferred men, women, or nothing at all. I was simply her baby, and that's all that mattered to her, my happiness. My father however was a

different matter. After a beating, he withdrew me from that particular class and enrolled me into another in the next village a couple of miles away. He didn't mind the journey each week if it meant I was nowhere near that teacher.

At least my father taught me one thing, and that was homosexuality was rarely accepted in any society. If I ever have children, I know I shan't treat them in the same way, and I shall never beat them, no matter how much they anger me.

I watched as Leonardo spelled out 'nostalgia', intentionally or not I didn't know, but it earned him a decent set of points and he caught up with myself and Donatello. I could tell the game was drawing to a finish because most of the players were getting rather bored, having known the eventual outcome even before starting the game.

Almost ten minutes later the game finished, much to Michelangelo's delight.

"Finally! Geez! I was so bored I thought I'd like drop dead right there on the board!" He wailed, flinging himself backwards onto the floor.

"That's only 'cause you were losin' Mike," Raphael smirked, pouring all the letter tiles back into their box.

"Hey you weren't _that _far ahead of me dude," The younger turtle shrugged, yawning widely.

I turned my head away from Raphael clearing up the game and focussed my attention on Leonardo. He'd been restless and edgy all morning, as if tension was burning up inside of him and he was itching to get rid of it one way or another. It surprised me, after all the time I've known him, I've never seen him fidget so much.

Raphael seemed to notice also because he laid a hand on his older brother's shoulder. Leonardo was so high strung he nearly jumped half a mile out of his shell and raised a hand in defence. Michelangelo started laughing so much he found it hard to breathe.

"Geez Leo, what's the matter with you?" Raphael demanded, waving the older teen's hand away as if it were an irritating insect.

"Nothing Raph, I'm just a little on edge, that's all," Leonardo replied testily, going a little pink with embarrassment.

"Is this 'cause you haven't trained today? For fuck's sake Leo, it's supposed to be our _day off_, y'know, a whole twenty four hours that doesn't involve the dojo or running the rooftops and shit?" Raphael explained sarcastically, rolling his eyes.

So that's what this was about. His behaviour wasn't because I'd offended him by using his first name only. It was because he hadn't had the chance to physically release his pent up energy. I always knew Leonardo was far more dedicated to Ninjitsu than his brothers, but I didn't know his devotion went so far as needing to practice his skills at least once a day.

"I'm not like you Raph, I can't just slack off for a whole day like that," Leonardo argued, looking up at his brother from his place on the floor, opposite myself. I heard Michelangelo groan very quietly under his breath, his laughing fit subsided.

"One day won't cause the apocalypse Leo! Y'spend most of the day in trainin' I think ya can afford a break!" Raphael pointed out, folding his arms.

I looked at Donatello stowing the board game away in its cupboard and he shook his head at me, smiling apologetically. He and Michelangelo left for the kitchen, deciding to leave their brothers to it. I figured this must be a common event in this household and I reluctantly chose to follow the youngest two members of the Hamato clan, not including the cat of course.

"Do they argue often?" I asked, sitting at the table with them, the sounds of the conflict travelling to this room too.

"Are you kiddin' me dude? There's somethin' wrong if those guys don't argue at least once a day," Michelangelo answered. His cat purred at my ankles, demanding to be picked up, so I obeyed, petting him gently.

"Why do they fight so much?" I wondered, rubbing under Klunk's throat. He mewed appreciatively.

"Jealousy mainly. Raph wants what Leo has and Leo wants what Raph has. I don't know what Raph's deal is today, he knows Leo gets obsessive compulsive about his training," Donatello sighed wearily.

Obsessive compulsive, that would explain a lot of things about Leonardo that were an enigma to me. I knew his family meant more to him than life itself, and I found that knowledge made me covetous. I envied the way Leonardo felt about his family, and that confused me.

I said nothing, listening to the cat purring gratefully in my arms and the fight in the room next door. I knew Leonardo's relationship with Raphael was fragile in places but I had no idea he was jealous. He never told me but it makes sense now. Raphael craves the responsibilities and attention Leonardo has, yet Leonardo wants freedom and an identity. I know however, Raphael would not be able to handle the pressure, just as Leonardo could never hide his leadership abilities.

"Well at least they haven't hit each other," Michelangelo said optimistically as we heard one of them storm off. Klunk made an odd noise in the back of his throat as if to agree.

Raphael entered the kitchen, grumbling to himself. Klunk leapt out of my arms to greet him but Raphael ignored the cat. Klunk meowed in indignation and trotted off, his tail high in the air. Raphael looked annoyed, even weary, as if all the arguing was finally taking its toll on the ninja.

"Where's he gone?" Donatello asked, folding his arms across his plastron, looking as resigned as his elder brother. I guess they were all tired of the fighting.

"For once in your life Donny, that was a really stupid question," Raphael sighed, leaning against the counter.

"Dojo, of course. You know you should really let him go with the training thing, I've told you he gets obsessive," Donatello reprimanded him lightly.

"Huh, obsessive is right that's for sure,"

I excused myself and made my way towards the dojo. I'd never been in this room before on my previous visits, but I knew where it was. As I approached, I heard someone mercilessly attacking a heavy leather bag, venting out their anger. I stepped inside, looking around.

There were candles everywhere. It was a vast room, very open, with few windows high up. There were worn and faded plastic mats in the middle of the room to aid falls and throws. Various weapon racks littered the walls. There was the usual, katanas, nunchakus etcetera, then there was the kama, tanto and so on. It made me wonder how Master Splinter managed to acquire them, but then I realised they were probably Master Yoshi's, judging how old and well-used they were.

Leonardo was, just as I suspected, assaulting the punchbag in the corner as if it was the most hated person in the world. He wasn't really focussing on technique, happier just to pummel out his frustration on the tough leather. He was breathing heavily already from the ferocity of the attack, his knuckles sore.

I crossed the room, making sure he heard me so as not to startle him. Under all the proper behaviour, he was just like everybody else, able to feel emotions just as strongly. I moved behind the swaying punchbag and held it steady with my paws. He took the hint and ceased his actions, regaining his breath. I watched him for a few seconds, eyeing his chest as it rise and fell, then I spoke quietly.

"I didn't know you were jealous of Raphael," I said, my eyes still fixed on him. His were on the floor.

"It's hard enough admitting it to myself, let alone anybody else," He answered after a moment's hesitation. I nodded in understanding. "Who told you?" He wondered, looking up.

"Donatello. I never would have known otherwise, you hide it so well," I mused. His shoulders lifted and dropped in a passive shrug.

"Second nature I guess, no big deal," He murmured.

I felt a flash of sympathy then, but I waved it away, knowing he would not appreciate it, he is too proud. I looked around the room for inspiration, he needed cheering up. My eyes fell on the display of practice bokken. Surely a friendly sparring match would take his mind off things.

"Come," I said brightly, walking towards them. "I bet you can't beat me,"

He grinned at me.

"Think again,"

---

I lay awake later that night, fingering one of the bruises he gave me in the darkness. I listened to him breathe as he slept. Even now he was guarded and prepared. I'd won our little match earlier but it really was nearly too close to call. His skill is immaculate at such an age, even if our styles are different. I suppose the only real difference that settled the match is my experience. I was older after all.

I was to be leaving first thing tomorrow morning. I couldn't be away from home too long, my lord will be needing me. I must say however, this short break has been interesting to say the least. I'm not sure I would have come if I had known I'd be so attracted to Leonardo, for both our sakes.

Maybe going home any later would be a mistake. Being so strongly drawn to my friend could be quite dangerous. It is not as though anything will come of this attraction however. Leonardo is young, hormonal even. Chances he is just as drawn to me are very slim.

Still I couldn't help but think what would happen if Leonardo and I _did _start a more than friendly relationship. Difficult for certain. Things are so different between us, there would be so many complications.

For starters, ninjas are such exasperating creatures, even if my friend is different. They vary so much to samurai, if only in the sense that they are unsociable almost, preferring the quiet shadows to working out in the open. He prefers the dark, I prefer the light. An honourable ninja, what a sight!

Another complexity is the age difference. Seven years doesn't seem like much, but when you see one is in his teens and the other is in his mid-twenties, it sounds much more. He is so young, he deserves to be able to explore the world, discover who Leonardo really is, not be tied up in some relationship. He has had to mature much too quickly, he has not had the chance to be an adolescent.

Also, we live in two entirely separate worlds. Not towns or cities, or even countries, but _worlds_. He is used to the city life, artificial lights and the rumble of traffic. I live in the country, surrounded by open skies and rice fields and pine forests. He may enjoy these peaceful features, but he has not grown up with them, they aren't what he's used to.

And finally, we are of the same sex. I know what a strain it would put on his family, especially on his relationship with Raphael. I know they are extremely supportive but sexuality is a huge part of who you are. I know homosexuality is not as big an issue as it used to be but there are still people out there who do not approve.

Maybe there is just too much trouble attached to this possible relationship. But even after thinking about all the problems that would arise if Leonardo and I became closer, the idea still made me smile. To hold him close, to touch and feel him, to reassure his insecurities, to think of him lovingly, it filled me with happiness. I haven't felt like this in a long time, not since I was with Mariko. I must say it feels good.

A part of me didn't care bout the troubles anymore. The age difference was nothing, why should worlds or honour or any of that change anything? If I felt so strongly for Leonardo and he did me, why should I let any of that be an obstacle? Why should I keep silent?

Because it's not proper. We have honour, we have duties, we have loyalty. Besides, he wouldn't be drawn to me like this, surely. Wouldn't he have said something by now? Should I? Maybe I should go home and let things develop. It's early days yet. We are both still youthful. There will be plenty of time to act on such feelings when I know they are stronger.

Still, Mariko never drew me to her with such strength like he does.

To Be Continued

A.N: Whoo chapter four finished. Would you believe it took over five hours to type this up? Well, I was talking to people at the same time but still. Hope you enjoy.


	5. Hello, Goodbye!

1A.N: Hm, hang on, the chapter title needs changing. Ooh, got one. Anyway lol, thanks so much for the reviews you guys have left for this, you all rock. Thanks again to Donny's Girl for the beta read! Here's chapter five, enjoy.

Impetus

Chapter Five

Hello Goodbye!

Leonardo's POV

I watched, well aware I was smiling stupidly, as my friend bid my family farewell. I was of course rather sad to see him go, but we had already arranged to stay with him in his world next month, for our own little vacation. It was hard to be upset when I knew I would be seeing him again in a few weeks. He was also wearing a grin that was quite infectious.

I know I'm going to miss him even more now. Isn't it weird how a relationship can change so much over two days? But ours had. I no longer called him Usagi-san, but just Usagi, and it felt good on my lips every time I said it. Guess it wasn't the sake after all.

"Take care dude!" Mike gave Usagi a heart hug, which the rabbit cheerfully returned.

I think he's become rather fond of my family, Mikey especially. It's probably because he's never really come across a character like my baby brother before. I suppose he knows hotheads and perhaps even geniuses and definitely people like myself, but because Usagi usually dwells with his lord when he's not travelling, he's never seen someone cut loose like Mikey. And cutting loose is an understatement, Mike is downright crazy!

I mean, who else enjoys fries and chocolate ice cream for breakfast? I could go on forever about his strange eating habits. Well, I suppose we are partly to blame after all, we did nothing but encourage his creativity in the kitchen. Besides, he loves it. I'd say he even loves it just as much as his video games and comics. He hardly ever lets anyone else cook. Sometimes Raph, rarely Donny, never me. I guess it's one of those unwritten rules.

There are plenty of unwritten rules in our household. Like whoever's first up (usually me) has to make Sensei's tea, or whoever finishes dinner last has to wash the dishes. Mikey loves this one because he always gets exempt from it as he nearly always makes dinner. It's usually me or Don who ends up on dish duty because we're such slow eaters.

I watched Usagi say goodbye to Raphael and the samurai turned to me, grinning widely. His whiskers twitched in amusement. I smiled shyly, aware Sensei was beginning to create the portal Usagi would need to travel home. I had to cut this quick, much to my disappointment. If only he could stay!

"I guess I'll see you around," I never thought about how small he was. I know it's only a few inches but it felt like a lot.

"Yes, you will. Take good care of yourself Leonardo," His grin turned into a smile and he hugged me close, he stood on tiptoe and I crouched a little.

"And you, Usagi," Although he was small, he didn't feel fragile in my arms, like April, quite the opposite in fact.

I barely felt his soft, warm paw on my cheek before it was gone again and he faced the portal. I was grateful for the bright white light from the doorway as it hid my blush. If Raph, if _anyone_ saw, I don't know what I'd do. He gave a last wave and stepped through, then he was gone.

"Who's up for ice cream?"

I listened to my family greet Michelangelo's offer with enthusiasm and watched as the last watery remnants of the portal evaporate into the wall. Then I turned around and joined them making their way towards the Battleshell, jabbering away about what flavour ice cream they wanted.

Feeling slightly sick because of eating chocolate ice cream at ten in the morning, I went into my room with the intention of chilling out with a book for an hour or so. My room felt almost empty now the sleeping bag and all Usagi's belongings had gone. I'd gotten used to him being there in such a small amount of time.

I found my book on my desk and lowered onto my bed, leaning back into the pillows. Just as I let the book fall open on my lap to the desired page, I caught something out of the corner of my eye. Frowning, I leaned over to look. It was the kimono Usagi wore the other day.

At first I wondered what the hell it was doing there and then I remembered it was the one he got bloody and dirty fighting the Purple Dragons. April washed it for him and it was on his sleeping bag this morning, only I had to move it to clear up the bedding. I must've forgotten to put it back and he must've forgotten to pack it.

I didn't know how desperate Usagi was for clothes, but I did know it was one of his best robes. He wore it to the Christmas party we had a couple of years ago when Mike found Klunk. I really couldn't take it with me when we go there next month, what if he needs it before then? I'll have to return it now, if Sensei allows me of course.

I bundled the kimono up in my arms and got up. I may as well ask Sensei if I could take it back now. I might even get to spend the day with Usagi if he's not too busy. I don't think he will be, he said he wouldn't be returning to work until next week.

I knocked on my father's door and went in after I heard him give permission. He was burning some of the candles he'd bought yesterday (Mike gave him the old ones back) and was sat cross-legged on the floor, examining the book April bought him (An autobiography by his favourite actor) and the dvd of his favourite soap opera from Casey (Who knew he could be so thoughtful?), obviously deciding which one to give his attention to first.

"Is something wrong Leonardo?" He asked, looking up curiously from his dilemma. I knelt before him out of habit.

"Oh no, Sensei. It's just I found one of Usagi-san's kimonos in my room, he must have forgotten to pack it," I indicated the clothes in my hands.

"Is that the one Miss. O'Neil laundered for him?"

"Yeah, may I return it to him?" I requested quietly, afraid he might refuse me.

"Of course you may. You didn't have to ask," He smiled at me. I almost grinned. "Do you remember how to conjure the portal?"

"Yes Sensei," I nodded.

"Very well, take care,"

I gave a half bow and got to my feet, feeling slightly giddy. I was off to see Usagi, all by myself! When I reached the door of his room, he called me back, as if he'd only just thought of something.

"I expect you to be back by tomorrow noon at the latest," He said calmly, then returned to his book and dvd.

I really did grin then. I was allowed to sleep over! Well, if Usagi didn't have plans and he said it was ok of course. I know he wasn't staying in a hotel, but a little cottage a little way off from one of the towns near his lord's estate. He rents it from the town's lord when he's not working or at home. I've never been there, but it sounds quite peaceful, especially as it's down by the river.

I bid my brothers farewell and went out into the sewers. It was a little chilly, despite it being late June, and the water was cold. But I sloshed through it, careful not to wet the kimono, until I found a suitable place to draw the symbols for the portal. We did it up in an alley earlier, but the surface would be a lot busier now and I didn't want to risk it.

I found what I was looking for and began drawing the symbols I would need on the grubby wall with some chalk. I slipped the robes under my arm and started the chant, feeling the energy around me. When I opened my eyes, the portal was ready and I stepped through it confidently.

I emerged into a small bright room. As was ninja custom, I instantly noted the large window behind me, the big sliding screen door to my left. There was a wardrobe to my right, a small bookcase under the window behind me, a rack of swords by the door. Usagi was unpacking his bag onto the bed.

I laughed at his expression, pure shock. He clearly hadn't noticed he'd left his kimono behind yet, so wasn't expecting anybody to return it. He got over his surprise swiftly however, and realised what had happened when he saw me with his clothes. He laughed too and came over to give me a hug.

"You didn't have to bring this back immediately, I could have waited for it," He chuckled, taking it off to me to hang up in the wardrobe.

"You might have needed it," I shrugged. He cleared a space on his bed for me and I sat down, watching him continue to unpack his things.

"Oh I won't. I don't make a habit of attending formal gatherings much," He explained, throwing more clothes onto a pile by the bed to be washed.

"How very ninja-esque of you," I smirked mockingly. This drew another laugh from him.

"Yes that is rather hypocritical of me isn't it?" He tied up his bag and tucked it at the bottom of the wardrobe out of the way. "I just don't particularly enjoy court games, that's all," He began shoving his dirty clothes into a different bag.

"Court games?" I frowned. He nodded, straightening up.

"Where people try to impress my lord for their own benefit," He explained, then grinned at me. "It annoys me just as much as ninja treachery," I laughed, getting the jibe.

"Yeah, but I'm different, remember?"

"Yes I remember. Would you mind terribly going up to the river with me? Only I need to wash these and I'm pretty sure you don't want to go home just yet," He smiled softly at me and I found I couldn't refuse even if I wanted to.

It was peaceful outside, just like he'd said. The midday sun was warm and we trekked across the grassy field towards the river at ease. The nearest town was about a ten minute walk down the road so he wasn't too isolated from society. I could see why he liked it here.

We chatted whilst we washed his clothes in the gentle stream. It was harder than I thought it would be, scrubbing the material together to get rid of the stains, but then again we didn't have to do much laundry at home. After we'd washed them, we laid the clothes out to dry on the grass.

Usagi gave a content sigh and flopped onto his back, the sun warming his fur. He closed hi eyes, clearly still tired from talking all night and our early start this morning. I smiled and lay next to him on my front, fiddling with the blades of grass. We stayed in silence for a while, listening to the water and the birds singing to one another, then I ventured into the silence, finally feeling brave enough to say what was on my mind since Sensei's party.

"Usagi?"

"Hm?" He didn't open his eyes.

"I...I want to say thanks,"

"What for?" He opened his eyes this time in curiosity and his gaze made me nervous.

"For, you know, saving my life the other day, with the Purple Dragons," I silently cursed how warm and red my cheeks were getting, not because of my shyness, but because I remembered what happened _after _he saved me.

"Oh, that," He closed his eyes again. "Don't mention it,"

I frowned. _Don't mention it_? What was that supposed to mean? Saving me wasn't a big deal? I was just in the way? I looked away from him and returned to ripping up the grass blade by blade and rubbing it between my fingers.

He must have noticed my sudden change in mood because he opened his eyes and looked up at me. He watched me mutilate the grass for a while, making me even more nervous. After a few seconds, he gave a sigh.

"You worry too much," He concluded softly. I looked back at him and he offered a small smile. I gave a meek one in return.

"Yeah, I guess I do," I admitted sheepishly.

He chortled quietly and tugged gently, teasingly, on one of the bandana tails lying lazily over my shoulder. I gave a half-hearted grin. Then my breath hitched, stuck in my throat, as I felt his soft fingers touch my cheek, a small show of affection similar to the one this morning. I stared hard at the grass, my throat tight. Then I closed my eyes and bit my lip, but it did nothing to lessen the sensations his touch brought as he simply stroked my cheek. I think he must have thought he was causing me discomfort, because he let his hand fall heavily to the ground.

I looked at him in confusion. Why did he do that? That was something people in love did, touch each other like that. What did he mean by it? My heart skipped a beat. Could he really like me as much as I like him? But that was just stupid, wishful thinking, wasn't it?

He smiled softly at my bewilderment and leaned up on his elbows, his face level with and only inches from mine. His expression was something I'd never seen before. I saw tenderness, fondness, and it both astonished and scared me. What was going on?

"Usagi?" I breathed.

"You are so young," Was all he answered with, more to himself than to me.

"What are you talking about?" I asked, creasing my brow. That mysterious smile was becoming quite infuriating. He tilted his head to the side as if thinking hard.

"And I know I shouldn't," He continued, staring at me as if deciding something. He was only baffling me further.

"Shouldn't what?" I probed, hearing my voice get irritable.

"Lord knows I've argued with myself about it enough," He pulled a face this time, as if annoyed too.

"Usagi!" I said firmly. By the tone of my voice I knew he'd listen to me. He looked at me calmly, and I felt my breath hitch once more.

"It was the way you looked at me this morning when we said goodbye that made me realise. We've said goodbyes before, but none like that," He shook his head, recalling our previous meetings, and suddenly I felt frightened again, but there was a suppressed excitement mixed in there too.

"I don't understand," I whispered, hardly daring to breathe. His look nearly made me shiver. It seemed like he was torn with possibilities.

"Maybe this will clear things up for you,"

And the tender way he kissed me would have made my knees buckle if I hadn't been lying on my front.

I opened my eyes and swallowed nervously when he released me. He smiled again, this time self-assured, relaxed. I felt myself blush again and had to look away in embarrassment. I twiddled the shards of grass I had snapped and he watched me calmly, as if he sensed my shyness.

"I thought I was so discreet," I eventually grinned, albeit weakly.

"You were, but it was the looks. There was no way I could misread them," He shrugged casually.

"Guess I'm not as good a ninja as I first thought," I mumbled, feeling slightly ashamed I'd been rumbled.

"It had nothing to do with ninjitsu,"

I looked at my friend but he didn't elaborate. Maybe he was right. My liking for him had nothing to do with ninjitsu, so why did I use it to try and hide my feelings? That's all they are, _feelings_, not a death threat, or a murder plot. I guess in the end, those feelings overpowered the ninja in me.

"How long have you felt this way?" He asked me as I thought.

"I don't know," I replied slowly. "It just kinda hit me,"

"I think I know what you mean," He mused quietly. It took a lot of strength to say the next thing.

"I thought you loved Mariko," I mumbled edgily.

What if he didn't really like me at all? What if he just wanted somebody until he could go back to her? No, Usagi's not like that, he wouldn't lead me on like that, would he?

"I told you, that was a long time ago," He replied, sitting up properly, as his elbows must ache from resting his weight on them.

"So you-"

"Do have feelings for you, yes,"

I think I could have split my face I was grinning so much. I didn't even care when he started laughing at me. This was absurd, this was amazing! I felt like there was nothing I couldn't do, I felt so damn happy! He liked me, I mean, he liked _me_. Not Mariko, or anybody else, but me, Hamato Leonardo.

It was only a few days ago I said I didn't think I was ready for love, yet here I am, well on the way to it. I wouldn't of course call any of it love at the moment, it's far too early for that, even if he does like me back. I mean, I've never felt this way, ever before. It's crazy.

He liked _me_!

Usagi smirked at my silly expression, obviously finding me amusing. In one swift motion, he leaned over to delicately kiss my cheek, then got up to see how his washing was drying in the afternoon sun. I smiled happily to myself.

But what was going to happen now? Sure he cared for me in a more than friendly way but he hadn't mentioned anything about relationships. Didn't he want one with me? Was I too young? Were we too different? But then why did he kiss me? Surely it would have been kinder for the both of us for him to hide these feelings like I tried to? That way it would have saved us both a lot of heartache.

"You also think too much," He reflected with a grin, standing in front of me. I sat up and smiled apologetically at him.

He had folded his clothes back into his bag and held out his hand for me to take. I grasped it and he helped me to my feet. We started back towards his home, and he never let go of my hand the whole way there.

When we got back, he put all his clothes away in their respectful places in his wardrobe and then came to sit beside me on his bed. We hadn't spoke much. I was content enough just to sit in his presence, thinking about my very first kiss and how amazing it felt.

"So, what do you want to do now? We could go for lunch in town, or we could go for a swim, or a walk?" He suggested, looking over at me from his seat propped against his pillows. I rested my head on the wall, thinking about it.

"I don't know. I'm not really that hungry, so I don't want lunch," I shrugged. I hadn't bought any money with me either and didn't want my friend to pay for everything.

"How about the walk then?" He wondered, stretching and settling back again.

"I don't know," I said again, getting up to stand by the window, looking out on to the fields and the stream where we were earlier.

Truthfully, I did not know why I couldn't make my mind up. I suppose it's because I've never really had to about things like this. I've never decided what movie my brothers and I were to watch, never had to choose which book to read, never had to wonder between training or chilling out. It was always settled for me.

"Are you always this indecisive?" He asked with a chuckle, coming to stand beside me. He rested a tender hand on my shoulder, despite his amusement.

"Yeah, I suppose I am," I laughed.

"Well, it's a good thing I have an idea, isn't it?" He said softly, using a finger to barely brush the skin on my neck. My blood ran cold.

"Usagi?" I whispered, my voice catching in my throat. He gave a small smile, moving his hand up to stroke my cheek.

He leant up and I instinctively stooped when he pulled me in for another kiss, this one just as breathtaking as the last. I had to hold onto his shoulder with one hand and the window sill with the other just to keep my knees from giving way. His touch on my face was careful, reassuring.

"If there's anything you don't want to do, you should tell me," He said, once we had stopped kissing. I nodded, suddenly feeling a lot braver.

He took my hand again. I looked down and frowned. We couldn't interlock fingers, mine were too big and he had more. It looked weird, a small, white furry paw wrapped around a large green hand. We were so different. With his other hand, he upturned my face to look at him.

"Let it go," He whispered, smiling. The sun from outside made his eyes gleam.

So I did. I let it all go, all the worry, the stress, the fear, the differences, everything. Why? Because I trusted him. There was nothing more to it. I trusted him with my life and nothing was going to change that. Our relationship might have changed, but my faith in him never will.

To Be Continued

A.N: Not much to say here, just I hope you liked reading this and please review! Until next time, take care!


	6. Secrets

1A.N: Thoughts go out to the family of Madeleine, the little girl who was snatched from her bed in Portugal. Just wanted to say that before we continue. Enjoy the chapter.

Impetus

Chapter Six

Secrets

Usagi's POV

I awoke the next morning with something clinging to me so tightly it felt like a second skin. I opened my eyes groggily, and when the something moved closer, I remembered. It was Leonardo; clutching me as if afraid I would be snatched from him.

Even in his slumber he was on guard, alert, face turning towards the slightest noise outside. It must be past dawn, judging by the weak sunlight pushing through the shutters and the birds chirping their morning song.

I yawned, watching him sleep for a little while before gently easing myself out of his hold and getting up. He slept on. I'd expected him to wake as soon as I left the bed, but he simply curled up tighter against the chill of my absence. I had to smile before leaving to wash and dress.

I know I should have waited. And I was going to, but, as I told him, it was just the fashion in which he looked at me when I was leaving. He reminded me so much of Mariko it was unbearable. I couldn't make that same mistake again. I didn't want to leave him.

In fact, I think I would have explained myself right there and then if his whole family hadn't been with us. So I went. Of course, I was planning to go back, late at night, when it was guaranteed he would be alone, preparing for bed. But then he bought my kimono back and there was no need to return to New York.

I'd argued with myself over and over again what I was going to say to him. It wasn't as if I was unsure of his feelings, I wasn't, not anymore. I'd seen that look before, I couldn't forget it. No, I knew he felt the same. But how was I supposed to tell him I did too?

With Mariko, it just sort of happened. One minute we were just talking, the next she was in my arms after a particularly loud crash of thunder. And everything just kind of fell into place from then on. Until I had to leave of course.

I hadn't even been thinking of courting or anything before Master Splinter's birthday party. I suppose that's how it always is. Things always crop up when you least expect them. It's also like when you don't want something, it's always there, and when you do want it, you can never find it. That is so infuriating.

But whatever way I thought about it, a relationship had come to me, and I wasn't stupid enough to ignore it. I think I'm ready to feel those things again. It has been a long time since I left home. Still, it's not as if this won't be new to me, because it most certainly will.

Dinner last night was an amusing affair. We went out into the village later in the evening, dined in one of the inns. He was reluctant to touch the sake, but he'd had his share by the end of the night, which is most likely why he's still sleeping.

I found out things about him I never knew before. He'd been attracted to men for years. I was the only one who knew. He enjoyed alternative music. He didn't like carrots. He despised cooking. He'd once murdered a Purple Dragon by accident. Raphael was the only one who knew that. He'd pretended he'd made a cake all by himself when in actual fact he'd bought it from the store.

There were so many secrets Leonardo had, and it pleased me to know he had shared them with me. Some, like the cake, nearly made me cry with laughter, and others made me realise how mature Leonardo was for such a young age.

I answered the door swiftly when someone knocked. It was a messenger, bringing me a much expected letter. I paid him and returned upstairs with it and a pot of boiling tea. I don't think Leonardo will be asleep for much longer, especially not with the scent of tea in the morning air.

I was halfway through reading my letter when I heard him stir. I looked up, watching him drag himself out of sleep. I was sat facing my bed, and I smiled at him in greeting when he looked at me, realising where he was. He smiled widely.

"Good morning," I laughed, indicating the pot before me. "Tea is still hot if you would like some,"

"No thanks," He yawned and stretched, rolling over to face me properly.

He'd taken his mask off before we went to bed. His blue eyes were dull from sleep, his smile still half dreamy. It was still reasonably early, around eight or so. But I knew he had to be home for twelve. He pulled the sheets tighter around himself, waking up fully.

I returned to my letter. My friend is extremely talkative, and more so in letters because she has no one to interrupt her. Of course, she doesn't always have something interesting to say, and she does rant on for many paragraphs about nothing in particular, but she does make me laugh and chases away the creeping homesickness.

However, writing my reply to Tomoe Ame will have to wait until Leonardo has returned home. For the moment, my morning will be focussed on my friend.

Friend. He's not even my friend anymore. What he is to me now I don't know. It doesn't matter of course, he is who he is after all and that's what makes me care for him. There are things about him that annoy me of course, such as his indecisiveness and stubborn pride for example, but there will be things about me that he finds annoying. Most likely my digs at his Ninjitsu for one.

Still, life would be boring if we liked everything about someone.

He wasn't making any attempt to get out of bed, content enough to just quietly watch me read and drink tea. I finished reading Tomoe Ame's letter and laid it aside, finishing my drink. I watched him this time, and I could tell he didn't like it because he rolled over onto his shell to look at the ceiling.

"I've thought about telling your master about our relationship when you go back, what do you think?" I asked, pouring myself another cup of tea.

I felt the old rat really needed to know if I was going to 'court' his son, and I wanted his blessing before continuing, otherwise I'd feel we were betraying him. I also think Leonardo's brothers should know, it wouldn't be fair to keep it from them either.

"Do we have to?" Leonardo pulled a face, sounding very much the age he was. I frowned.

"You don't want him to know?" This puzzled me. He looked on edge, uncomfortable.

"They don't know I'm gay," He said unhelpfully, shaking his head. I already knew that.

"You have to tell them sometime," I raised an eyebrow at him.

Surely this had crossed his mind? What was he planning on doing? Never tell them his preferences? Live a lie? But that was absurd. He couldn't do that. It's not something you could hide forever. And my relationship with him would just make it harder.

"I know that. Just…not yet," He replied solemnly.

"Are you frightened?" I asked quietly, watching him watch the roof. He nodded.

"Well yeah, I mean, you know what Raph and Mikey are like, and Sensei is so old fashioned sometimes," He explained, flicking me a look to make sure I was following.

"You can't guarantee they will react negatively," I pointed out casually.

"I know that too, I just don't want to risk it just yet," He sighed.

"So you're telling me you want to go behind your father's back?" I questioned sharply. I didn't like this. If he wasn't ashamed why sneak in the dark like a, forgive the terrible pun, a ninja?

"No, not go behind his back exactly, but unless you don't want to carry on seeing me in secret, I want it to be just you and me for a while,"

I pulled a face, thinking. Just us? Well yes that would be extremely nice but not telling his family about what had changed between Leonardo and myself could be disastrous. It was risking trust and safety. And I would worry about getting discovered, and if I worried, he surely would.

But if we were exceptionally careful, where was the real danger in keeping our relationship secret for a while? It wasn't as if either of us were reckless, far from it. And it's not as if we were seeing each other every night, that just wouldn't be possible, we both have lives apart from each other after all.

However, I still didn't like the idea much.

"Only if you promise me you will tell him soon, I don't like keeping these sorts of secrets," I sighed reluctantly. I had to smile though when he grinned gratefully.

"I promise Usagi," He tried to be serious, but he was laughing, displaying his true age once more. I shook my head, letting the subject drop for now. I didn't want to cause trouble so early on in our relationship.

"Come, get washed and we shall go out for breakfast," I offered, smiling lightly. He frowned.

"But we went out for dinner, and you know I have no money," He argued, leaning up on his elbows.

"I know. But I also know an inn nearby, and the chef can do miracles with eggs," I grinned lightly, tucking Tomoe Ame's letter back into its pouch. His frown instantly reversed.

"Are you trying to get out of cooking?" He wondered, now smirking.

"Of course not," I sniffed. "Unless _you _want to?" I suggested, raising a brow in mock seriousness. He didn't even give a moment's hesitation.

"Let's go out," He jumped up out of bed as swiftly as he could and hastily went to wash.

"I thought as much," I chuckled loudly.

Ten minutes later, we were walking up the road towards the village, Leonardo washed and prepared, the weak morning sun warming the earth and rice fields. It was a fine morning, and I could already tell the temperature was going to rise. Maybe later I shall go by the river once more and write my reply to Tomoe Ame in the sun.

"Well, it'd be pretty risky if you came to mine, it's always full," He mused, continuing a conversation we were having.

Having decided to keep our relationship a secret, we now had to find a discreet place to meet. He was right; his home was totally out of the question. Neither of us were irresponsible enough to flaunt our relationship practically under his family's noses.

"It shall have to be mine then until I go back to work," I answered, taking the left fork which will lead us into the village centre.

"What about after?" He asked, following me. He'd probably follow me to death if he had to, and that sort of devotion scares me a little.

"I don't know. Wait until I have free days I suppose," I shrugged.

"But they might be ages away!" He argued sadly.

"Such disadvantages that come with sneaking in the dark," I reprimanded evenly, raising an eyebrow at him. He blushed, probably feeling a little guilty.

He apologised and we changed the subject for now. It was no use arguing on our first day together, that just gives the whole relationship a bad start. However, Mariko and I never argued much, and that still ended badly. But then again Mariko and Leonardo aren't much like each other.

The innkeeper of the Merry Dragon greeted me jovially as per usual. He himself was always cheerful, but definitely not a dragon. He was a lion, his shaggy mane pulled neatly back from his face with a length of string, so I really don't know what prompted the name. Perhaps dragon just sounds a little more adventurous.

I noticed Leonardo's wary look and smiled. To any newcomer, I'm sure the innkeeper's toothy grin would unnerve them, especially Leonardo, as he rarely encounters…what was Donatello's most curious description? Ah, anthropomorphics. Very interesting. But I'd known old Daisuke for years and he was a valued friend.

Daisuke came over himself, served us juice and took our order. Leonardo busied himself with eyeing up all the customers, probably deciding if they were a threat, or perhaps he merely found them odd. Daisuke asked me of Tomoe Ame and Gen's health before he noticed my unusual friend staring at him.

"No one's going to chew your head off your shoulders in here, ninja," He remarked softly, obviously finding Leonardo's behaviour intriguing.

"Leonardo is visiting me from New York. He is fairly unaccustomed to seeing a lion serve behind a bar," I supplied helpfully, trying to hide my amusement at Leonardo's expression, a mixture of surprise and taking offence.

"I'm unaccustomed to _any _animal talking and standing on two feet," He answered finally, once the bewilderment had vanished and he saw Daisuke meant him no trouble.

"Yet you yourself walk and talk," Daisuke commented, tucking his tawny paws into the pockets of his apron.

"My family and I are…unique in New York," Leonardo shrugged, eventually relaxing and leaning back in his chair to drink the apple juice Daisuke had bought for us.

"I see. Well, any friend of Usagi's is more than welcome at the Merry Dragon," Daisuke grinned again. He slapped Leonardo on the shoulder, winked at me and then returned to work, shouting our order through the hatch behind him which led to the kitchen.

"He is nearly always disgustingly cheerful and nosy, but he has been a good friend to me. Even allowed me to hide in his cellar once when I was being chased by an assassin," I recalled fondly and thoughtfully. Leonardo continued to watch Daisuke work for a little while, then smiled awkwardly and turned back to me when the innkeeper waved at him.

"It's a little weird to see a lion wearing an apron with his hair tied back in a ponytail," He confessed with a grin. I suppose it was weird for him to see any animal talking and wearing clothes.

"Well it was a shock to see animals like they are in your world," I admitted much to his amusement.

"This is perfect," He sighed. "No one screams at me and runs away. I can go wherever I want, do whatever I want,"

"Your master knows of this world, why did he not come here when you were mutated?" I wondered out loud.

"I don't know," He frowned in thought. "Perhaps it was because Master Yoshi lived in New York, I think Sensei would want to be near him," He mused.

I nodded, it made perfect sense. Our breakfast arrived and my friend concluded the Merry Dragon's cook could indeed perform miracles with eggs. And that's saying something, as Michelangelo is an exceptional cook himself. I didn't know you could do so many things with a carrot when he cooked Christmas dinner that year.

I wonder if Leonardo's cooking really is as bad as he makes out. He's probably just exaggerating. I'm not a brilliant chef myself, but I know enough to keep my stomach satisfied. Perhaps Leonardo just didn't like it. Personally I enjoy it but that's just me. I'll have to put Leonardo's culinary skills to the test. Quite an interesting endeavour I'm sure.

We spent most of the morning in Daisuke's inn, enjoying our breakfast and each other's company. It was like everything and nothing between us had changed. We were just as good friends as we were before, yet underneath it all there was that exhilaration knowing he shared my bed the night before. It was all totally innocent of course, where else was he supposed to sleep?

We paid for our meal, bade Daisuke goodbye and I promised to join him in a drink later, then we whiled away the last hour aimlessly walking around town. As I visited here often, we met quite a few people I'd befriended on my stays. As I made polite conversation, Leonardo civilly stared, obviously still unused to my world. Most people seemed just as intrigued with him. How many ninjas do you see out and about in the daytime? That's what I thought.

"I could get used to this," Leonardo remarked happily as we began to backtrack through town to the road that would lead us to my temporary home.

"Walking freely in the streets?" I asked, peering up at him, enjoying watching him smile.

"Yeah. It's just so…I don't know…satisfying almost. Like this is my reward for helping to look after New York for so long. Normality," He answered contently, laughing at a group of children playing samurai by the road.

"Be careful of the carts," I warned them with a kind smile.

It was only last week one of them, a small male bear of around eight or so, ran out into the road chasing a ball and I had to move faster than I ever have in my life to stop him from being crushed by one of the carts travelling to the next town.

"Yes Mr. Usagi-san," They chorused respectfully, making me chuckle.

"Why don't you ask your Sensei to consider moving over here?" I suggested once the children had returned to their games.

"We have the Foot to worry about, that's why," He sighed, happiness vanishing.

"Well then, what about when that threat is over?" I went on.

We were walking away from the town now, towards where I was staying. The midday sun was warm and pleasant, almost making me dread going back to work. But, naturally, that's how it always is. And I really can't take any more time off. Not only do I need the money but I think I'd probably die of boredom.

"I don't think the threat will _ever _be over," He said woefully. I shook my head.

"Don't be so pessimistic, you're starting to sound like Raphael," This drew a chortle from him. "Of course Karai is tremendously different to Oroku Saki, but the fact remains Leonardo, she will be overcome, just like her father,"

His smile this time was genuine and I knew he felt truly better. I cast my eyes around to make sure we were fully alone on the road, and then leaned up to kiss him gently on his cheek when he was looking at the dirt track on which we were walking.

He stumbled the tiniest fraction, regained his feet and half raised his hand as if to touch where my mouth had. Then he blushed ever so slightly and grinned widely, even goofily. I laughed at his silly expression and reached up to squeeze his shoulder reassuringly.

"So you're coming to mine as soon as your family are asleep yes?" I repeated what we'd planned earlier.

We were approaching the river now and my little cottage was coming into view. It was a quarter to twelve and time for Leonardo to return home. However, he would be coming back here tonight, just like we intended. Only until early morning though. It wouldn't do for one of his brothers to go to rouse him and find him missing from his usual bed.

"Yeah, this should be around eleven or so if Mike doesn't decide to watch a dvd or something. I'll send you a message through a portal if he does," He shrugged.

"Very well then. You remember the chant and design?" We advanced towards one of the back walls where the stone was quite smooth. I'd used it to travel many times.

He nodded and I watched him draw the symbols with white chalk. I noticed his hand was shaking. He was probably nervous about facing his family and pretending nothing remotely interesting had happened. The idea of him lying through his teeth to a very suspicious Raphael was an amusing one, if risky.

He finished the eerie chant and magically the gateway began to open, bringing with it the scent of New York sewers. I daresay I hope it does not linger once the portal has closed. I reached up and kissed him briefly on the mouth.

"I shall see you tonight. And do be careful," I warned. As wary and observant as Leonardo is, he has uncontrolled moments just like the rest of us.

"I will. And we'll tell them soon Usagi, I promise,"

I nodded and waved him through the door. I stayed and watched until he and every remainder of the watery portal had vanished. I understood, he needed time to adjust and accept the changes in our relationship before sharing it with others and I respect that.

It doesn't mean I like it on the other hand.

Still, things will right themselves in time, of that I'm sure. I went back into the house, stuck between choosing to write a reply to Tomoe Ame and joining Daisuke in that drink he offered me. So many choices, so little time. I should take breaks from work more often.

To Be Continued

A.N: Sorry it took so long to get up, I've been pretty busy. I have 3 exams this week and have managed to update this in between revising you see. Hope you enjoyed. Take care and please review!


	7. Fears

A.N: I'm not sure if I like this chapter, the pace seems a little weird. Oh well, we'll see what you guys think. Have fun.

Impetus

Chapter Seven

Fears

Leonardo's POV

Okay, so I kind of, sorta, in a way broke my promise to Usagi. But not totally, I swear. I just, haven't found the right moment. I know that sounds stupid of me to say but it's the truth, I haven't. Everything's been so crazy lately, and Sensei hasn't been all that well, so it wouldn't be fair to burden him with such a revelation whilst he's still recovering.

Our 'affair' or whatever seems an appropriate name, has been going on for months now. To be honest I don't know how we've managed it. There's been so many close scrapes. Once Raph came into my room about five in the morning claiming he'd heard noises in there when I was climbing back into bed. I told him I'd had cramp but in actual fact I'd just teleported back from Usagi's. I don't think Raph believed me, but he let it drop anyway.

Just as Usagi's dropped the issue of sharing our relationship with my family. I think he finally tired of hearing me reply 'not yet'. I'm just too scared to tell them. I know it's getting riskier day by day but the thought of seeing everyone's faces when I tell them I've been seeing Usagi for more than seven months now was frightening.

Most of the time I see Usagi at night. I'd sleep there then return home before anyone knew I was missing. Sometimes we'd make love, but most often the both of us were far too exhausted to do anything but sleep. There were times of course where Usagi took a couple of days off work and I convinced Master Splinter to let me stay with him.

It was clearly noticeable that Usagi and I were spending a lot of time with each other, a fair amount more than we previously did and when asked about it, I simply replied it was only like Raph and Casey, which it was in a way. The only difference is our relationship and where we live.

Usagi on the other hand, has told plenty of people, which makes me extremely embarrassed when we go into the village together, because a lot of the people there, especially Daisuke the Merry Dragon's innkeeper, give us knowing looks even if we never show public displays of affection. I suppose its times like that I wish I was as comfortable with all this as he was.

It's not that I'm ashamed of him of course. It's more like I'm still unused to the unquestioning acceptance, because it's nothing like it is at home. I'm starting to prefer it there, it's so peaceful compared to New York, although I do miss the guys whenever I'm down there.

It's not like they miss me when they're out with _their _partners after all. But then, they don't stay over days at a time, Sensei forbids it. I suppose that's sort of a good thing, or I wouldn't be the first to lose my virginity, as far as I know anyway. Raphael is very unpredictable. It's not exactly something you discuss lightly anyway.

I can't believe how fast time has gone. One minute it was Sensei's birthday, the next it's a whole new year. We'll be eighteen this year, full adults more or less. I didn't feel any different on my last birthday so I don't think I will this year, eighteen or not. Birthdays are like Christmases, the novelty wears off after a few years, unless you're Michelangelo of course.

But anyway, there's a time for brooding and that time is not now. Usagi has a whole week off starting tomorrow so Sensei invited him here for a night, and then I get to spend an entire seven days with him, just the two of us. He'll be coming after work, which should be any minute now.

I think Sensei is pleased Usagi and I are seeing more of each other now. Of course he just thinks it's like Raph and Casey's friendship. It's probably because I used to be such a loner. I mean Raph's always out with Casey or Natasha, Donny is very close to April so if he's not at hers he's out with his girlfriend Philippa. And Mike's always connected with April too and he has Alex, who he met, surprise surprise, at the pizzeria. Yes, Alex is a girl. Michelangelo would murder me if I ever gave any indication, correct or not, of him being gay.

I had nobody. Of course I'm friends with April and Casey, but I've never had that special relationship with them as I have with Usagi. So you know I was pretty much a loner. Not anymore though. I know I'm always talking about him, like Raph does Casey, like he's my best friend. I think Sensei is relieved about that.

It makes me wonder what he'll be like when I come out. Angry? Worried? Careless? Sensei can be all of those except careless. He is never careless. He'll probably be furious with me for keeping such a secret, but I'm so frightened. And I'm not supposed to be, remember? I'm the Fearless Leader.

God, Raph would probably die laughing if he could see me now. He never lets me live my fears down, like they're some sort of weakness. Even now when we're training sometimes and we're on some of the higher rooftops, if I pause and look down, he'll begin to laugh and tease.

"Not gonna pass out are ya, _Fearless_?"

Sensei (and Usagi for that matter) always said fears make you stronger. But Raph on the other hand always treats fear as something that can hurt you, break you. Now I think about it, they're all right. I mean, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger yeah? But then what about all those people who are involved in horrific accidents and can't do stuff ever the same again? Sure they may not be stronger physically, but they may be spiritually right?

I don't know. I think it's better not to feel fear at all maybe? That way you don't get hurt or broken. You might not get stronger either but there are other ways to improve your strength. I think Raph agrees with me. Maybe it's better to be afraid of fear?

Phobophobia.

I used to think it was such a silly word. But it's not really, not at all. Especially when you know what it truly means, like Raphael and I do. I guess we're more alike than we like to acknowledge. We have the same morals and ideas, it's just some things get in the way. Like our jealousy.

Just as I was thinking about these things, the air around me started to cool and squeezed as if something was trying to force its way out. I smiled. The portal appeared right before my eyes, giving me a good view of the peaceful, sunny rice fields (they have their winter later than us) I missed. Still, couldn't have everything.

And then, out he stepped. The portal dried up and vanished, and he was left standing in the middle of my room. He bought with him the scent of fresh grass and a feeling of excitement.

He looked different somehow. Almost older. Certainly tireder, troubled. Still, his eyes lit up when they fell on my face and he seemed genuinely pleased to see me. He smiled widely, a worn one, one glad to be free of hassle, if only for a little while.

I got to my feet and my samurai took me into his arms. His fur was warm as always against my cool skin. His embrace was tight and safe against the cold and danger. His ears tickled my shoulder as I stooped and they were soft and clean.

God how I'd missed him.

It seemed forever before he let go, clutching my shell as if I'd be snatched away. He'd had a hard week, I could tell. Still, it was over now, and he had seven days to get over it. He didn't get time off very often, so when he did, he made the most of it.

"I missed you," He whispered, kissing my cheek lightly as he withdrew. I nodded.

"Missed you too," I smiled, my voice just as quiet. We had to be careful. Usagi was expected, but no one could hear us talk like this.

He smiled wearily back and sunk on my bed, lying back into the pillows with a grateful moan. I laughed quietly and joined him. He instantly pulled me close and I snuggled into his torso. He gently stroked the curve between my neck and shoulder with the back of his paw, knowing I adored the feel of his fur. I closed my eyes thankfully.

"Rough week?" I murmured and he gave a short 'mmm' in reply. "How come?" I asked, turning my head to look up at him. His whiskers twitched in annoyance.

"Everyone keeps relentlessly hinting Tomoe Ame and I should elope," He rolled his eyes in exasperation. "I keep telling them all I'm quite happy as I am but they're failing to get the message,"

"They'll get the point soon enough," I shrugged. I couldn't get mad. He was with me after all, and that's what mattered.

"Hm,"

We lay in a peaceful silence for just a few more minutes knowing we weren't likely to get a moment to ourselves until tonight when we were in bed. And even then it was risky. The soft stroking from his paw was making me sleepy so I was determined to get up. It just felt so nice.

"Daisuke sends his best wishes," He mumbled wearily. I smiled fondly. Daisuke had become a cheerful friend.

"How's he been?" I wondered.

"Well enough. His wife is expecting their second child," He answered with a smile.

"Really?" I grinned wide. Daisuke worshipped his young daughter, and another would only encourage that devotion even more. Not that it's a bad thing of course.

Usagi simply nodded and fell silent again, clearly not wanting to move. I didn't either. It was just so calming lying there without a care in the world.

All of a sudden, we heard footsteps coming down the hall. The doorknob twisted and before we even had a chance to entangle ourselves, the door flew open, revealing our compromising position to whoever it was.

"Hey Leo, I -"

Raph froze in his tracks. His mouth fell open and his eyes went as wide as saucers. Usagi and I instantly sat up and away from each other. Raph closed his mouth and turned to me, a look of pure disbelief adorning his features. He looked ready to scream the place down.

"Raph, wait, I can explain," I said hurriedly, getting to my feet and holding out my hands to mollify him. My heart felt like it was going to burst through my plastron.

We were screwed. Why had I been so stupid? Why couldn't I have waited until I knew we'd be safe? Why did I have to be so greedy? Now everything's ruined. There's no way Raph can keep this to himself. I've messed everything up. I should have told Sensei when Usagi first asked me to, then we wouldn't have been caught like this.

"What the _hell _is going on here?" My brother breathed, his voice almost furious. He shut the door loudly behind him, making me flinch.

"Please Raph, you have to be quiet," I began, my voice high with panic.

"No one's in. They've gone to April's. I was coming to tell you," He explained, flicking Usagi a searching look. My lover was standing quietly by my bed, calmly accepting the situation.

"Raph, please, it's not what it looks like," I begged desperately.

"Yes it is," Usagi's voice cut in sharply. I wheeled around in horror. He faced me defiantly. "There's no use denying it Leonardo, not when Raphael has already seen the truth,"

"But Usagi..." I whispered hopelessly. He shook his head.

"I told you something like this would happen Leonardo," He sighed.

"You let me do it!" I countered angrily, very aware Raph was extremely confused by now.

"Because I love you!"

It was like I'd been paralysed. I just stood and stared at him. He'd never told me he loved me before, and I'd never told him. I'd just been too scared, in case he didn't say it back. Guess I was wrong. See Raph? I have plenty of fears, too many in fact.

I swallowed with difficulty. Usagi was right. I couldn't deny this. It was just too obvious. I have to face the consequences of my actions. I'll have to face Raph's anger, Sensei's fury, all of it. I should have told them sooner. I should have told them I was in love. Then maybe it wouldn't frighten me so much now.

I took a deep breath. I felt sick. I closed my eyes.

"Raph, I'm gay,"

I can't believe I said it. All those years I've spent trying to think how to say two tiny words, and they just spill from my mouth almost casually, as if they meant nothing at all, as if I'd said I was a turtle. Is that the way it should be? Just another part of me that shouldn't matter to anyone?

"I know," Was the quiet reply. My eyes flew open.

"What?!" I stared at him, smiling ever so slightly. He shrugged, hooking his hands into his belt.

"I know," He repeated, looking me in the eyes. Brown to blue.

"But...how? I never told anyone, I...I hid it," I stammered, suddenly feeling very small and bewildered.

"For crying out Leo, I'm your brother. Of course I know, I'm not stupid you know. It was just the little things, like when you said Keira Knightley's dress didn't suit her hair. No offence bro but that was a really gay thing to say, straight men care about what's _in _the bloody dress, not the dress itself! And at Christmas, y'always watch the Wizard of Oz, that's like the campest film ever!"

I didn't enjoy my 'campness' being paraded in front of Usagi, but I let it slide for now. I mean, Raph's right, sure I hid the massive things, but I guess I slipped sometimes. Now I think about it, there are other cases too. Like when I don't find Casey's naked lady jokes (don't ask), or when April and I talk for ages about various musicals. I guess I wasn't as secretive as I first thought.

But if he'd guessed, who else had guessed? Don? Mikey? April? Master Splinter? Oh god, what if they all knew, and have been laughing at me behind my backs? What if they all privately hated me for it and were waiting until I'd confessed until they told me? I felt like screaming, the nausea gone.

"But...don't you...?" I couldn't say it. I couldn't force myself to. Raph shook his head, almost laughed.

"If I thought it was a problem I'd have said something by now Leo," He said severely.

He stepped up close and raised his arm. I can honestly, guiltily, admit I thought he was going to hit me. So when he hugged me I gasped lightly and found myself sobbing into his collar. He tutted and held me even tighter and I felt the closest I had ever been to him in my entire life, at a moment when I was scared, at a moment when our roles had been reversed. _I _was the frightened one, _he _was the comforter.

"I never would have thought _you _were gay Usagi," Raph mused thoughtfully, rubbing my shell.

"Oh I'm not," The samurai replied serenely.

"Ah, you're one of the greedy ones," Raph grinned cheekily, almost making me cringe.

"Well that's one way of putting it," Usagi chuckled.

I pulled away from my brother and wiped my eyes, smiling half heartedly. I felt better now. Raph didn't hate me, and I was silly to think that he would. Raph and I have been through so much together, it would be such a shame to ruin all that now. I'd finally told someone and I felt lighter, younger.

"So how long has this been going on between you two?" Raph asked in amusement, flopping himself down onto my bed without a care in the world. I wish I could be like that sometimes.

"I dunno, seven months?" I looked at Usagi and he nodded. Raph whistled.

"It's serious then,"

"Very serious," Usagi agreed, smiling at me and causing me to grin stupidly. Remind me to reciprocate his love later.

"You can't tell anyone Raph, not even Natasha," I said solemnly. Just because Raphael knew, it didn't mean I wanted the rest of the family knowing just yet.

"I know, it's not my secret to tell. But you need to tell them soon Leo. I started having suspicions when I caught you climbing back into bed at god knows what hour, and if _I _had suspicions, they certainly will," He remarked, his tone just as sombre. I made up my mind.

"Tomorrow, before Usagi and I leave. I'll tell them then," I vowed. Raph and Usagi nodded. It was my decision, not theirs.

The prospect of telling them didn't seem so bad anymore, not after Raphael's reaction. I truly felt like everything was going to be okay. I had been wrong about Raph, so who's to say I won't be wrong again? Like Raph said, if it was going to be a problem, wouldn't someone have said something by now?

"Yeah well, we'd better go. April's invited us to dinner. We were supposed to go when Usagi got here," Raph sighed, sitting up. He looked as reluctant as I felt. Maybe he'd given up a night with Natasha?

"We won't be there long will we?" I asked grudgingly as my brother got to his feet.

"Beats me bro but if _I _have to go, _you _have to go, especially since you get a week off over there and I gotta stay here. And if you think I'm gonna leave you two alone now you must think I'm stupider than Casey, now c'mon,"

He stood at the door waiting for us to pass him, ready to make sure we went with him. Spoilsport. Well, I suppose he's right, I get a whole week off in another world whilst he has to stay in New York. Still, couldn't resist winding him up a little. God Usagi, do you see what you've done to me?

"Already done it little brother," I smirked on passing. Raphael squawked 'what?' just as Usagi cried 'Leonardo!', which only made me grin wider.

Usagi caught up with me in the hallway whilst Raph went to retrieve something from his room, grumbling to himself. I was still smirking and I could tell from his interesting expression he was trying not to allow himself to become too amused.

"You shouldn't have said that," He remarked with a raised brow.

"I know, but I couldn't help myself," I shrugged with a light chuckle.

We came to a halt in the main area of the lair to wait for Raph. It was weirdly quiet with Mikey screeching at the tv or Donny hammering away at something. In fact it was almost eerie and I fought the urge to shudder.

"I told you it would work out if you told somebody," He smiled softly. I nodded.

"Hm, you also told me you loved me and I just have to say it back," I grinned, turning to face him.

He laughed and kissed me, although we were both very aware Raph could walk in any second. Never mind, he never thinks about anyone else when Natasha's over. It might teach him a lesson. Wait, what was I thinking? This is Raphael we're talking about here.

"Hey you guys, cut it out, that's-"

Raphael suddenly paused mid-sentence and what we were we never found out because he didn't say another word. I broke off to look at my brother in the doorway to the hall. He looked literally horrified. Someone had just entered our home.

I felt Usagi roughly push me away and I looked at him in absolute confusion. He looked grave, stony. Oh god. Please don't let it be whom I think it is. Please don't let it be Sensei. Feeling like it was the end of the world, I spun around to face the front door.

It was then that I wished the floor would swallow me up whole, although I knew it wouldn't. I was so completely dead. No doubt about it.

Of course it was Sensei, who else would it be? He was paused just inside the door, one claw on the door frame, the other clutching his stick so hard his knuckles were white. His tail gently flicked the floor with a quiet 'thup'. His eyes were narrow, glinting in the dim light. There was an aura of intense emotion around him and my heart sank. We were so screwed. I just knew it.

Why?

Because boy did he look seriously pissed.

To Be Continued

A.N: Whoo cliffy hangery lol, sorry about that. But please review! Love you!


	8. Check Mate

A.N: I apologise for the extreme lateness. I've had exams and a huge writer's block. I've been working through it little by little, a page or so here and there, but thankfully it's coming together. And I've nearly finished school over here, so that means I'll have more time to work on this and hopefully Black Balloon. We'll see how that goes. In the meantime, enjoy a little Usagi/Leoness.

Impetus

Chapter Eight

Check Mate

Usagi's POV

Forbidden.

One word that can cause so much heartache. Seems odd, doesn't it? Just one word, nine letters long. Just a simple word and it echoes relentlessly in your head like the aftermath of a bad explosion. It cannot get out and it never ceases to ricochet through your mind.

It's only been three days. I was so furious. But now things are clearer. I still do not like them, but they are clearer. I can understand him just a little bit more. He's given me another piece to the seemingly endless jigsaw puzzle that is Hamato Leonardo.

"_I would appreciate it if you left my son well alone, Miyamoto Usagi,"_

I had always respected Splinter-san. Ever since I first met and helped him fight Drako all those years ago I held him in high esteem, despite he was ninja. I was a child then, barely older than Leonardo. Up until now I had genuinely admired the way Splinter-San had single-handedly raised four baby turtles into honourable young adults.

And now it is like discovering Father Christmas is not real. I have lost my faith and respect in my lover's father. I see now his true motives and his feelings and plans for his eldest son. I am not involved in them, no lover is.

"_And you're just going to allow this?"_

His brothers had been a pillar of strength for the both of us, Raphael especially. Who would have thought they could be as unquestioningly supportive? It seemed as if they all knew Leonardo's sexuality and were pleased his hiding had come to an end. After all they did not shout or weep, in fact they were all calm and cheerful. Leonardo could not have asked for better brothers at that moment in time.

I was a little surprised in truth. I had not expected acceptance like this. I know how difficult such things could be and I incorrectly thought Leonardo's master would embrace Leonardo's secrets with open arms. I thought his brothers would be a little reluctant to accept the idea but come around eventually. It just goes to show how wrong a person can be at times.

"_What choice do I have? He's my father,"_

I was also mistaken about Leonardo. I thought I had him figured out, I thought I knew him. But it turns out I did not know him as well as I first thought. Family came first to Leonardo, that I knew from the very beginning. It didn't put me off in the slightest, in fact his unwavering loyalty appealed to me. However I never knew I would lose out to his family in such a way, I never thought the choice between family or lover would ever arise. I never saw a need to.

Of course this does not change the way I feel about him. What kind of dishonourable person would I be if it did? No, I am still very much in love with Leonardo, and I know he still loves me also, despite his recent choice. I understand now how difficult things are for him. Before it had never crossed my mind, but why should it? Splinter-San never gave me any reason to.

"_I thought I meant something to you!"_

I do think Splinter-San does truly love his eldest son, but I believe that love is hidden underneath the rat's desires for peace, his expectations, his honour, and his wish to see his sons alive and well. I can understand this but I do not like it. Maybe Splinter-San was not ready for fatherhood when the turtles came to him. I know that is bold of me to say but his treatment and plans for Leonardo do not come across to me as 'good' fathering.

Then again, I am not a father, and I do not think I will be for very many years to come. I am a ronin, much awaits me in life, but not children just yet. I do believe that is another thing Leonardo and I have in common, we both believe there are so many lessons left to learn. But do we have to learn them all lone for them to really sink in? I've asked myself that question many times and I still don't have an answer.

"_Successful leaders do not distract themselves with love, male or female, is that clear to you both?"_

Will I ever even have an answer? It is quite a challenging problem to solve. As is my predicament. My brain is telling me to accept what has happened and just let it go, but yet another part of me, my heart, my soul, is begging to fight it and return to him. I've always followed my head before, but this is rather a tricky dilemma.

If I do what my heart is telling me to do and challenge Splinter-San, I could cause a lot of family trouble between Leonardo and his father. Yet if I let him be it could cause a lot of heartache for the both of us. No matter how much I think Splinter-San is wrong, I do not want to be the trigger to start a family feud. That would be extremely dishonourable of me.

"_Yes, Master Splinter,"_

This reminds me of when I left Mariko all those years ago. To stay or not to stay, that was my problem then. Although this is different, just like my relationship with Leonardo. I cannot compare them, for starters their sexes are totally dissimilar. And yet, I'm not sure anymore if I had loved Mariko. Still if I had, it was a long time ago. Really though, do any of us truly know what love is?

It is so complicated at the best of times. How do we know when friendly love crosses the borderline into couple love? I suppose one answer could be when we sense our sexual feelings, just as another could be imagining spending the rest of your life with that person as your partner. I do not know where my friendship with Leonardo began to change. It may have been recently, or it could have started a while ago, I am unsure.

"_I never must have meant something to you after all, if you can cast our love aside so easily,"_

I shook my head to release myself of these memories, my ears flapping in the wind despite being tied up tight. Down by the river was a truly peaceful place to think. The sound of the water was soothing, and I could smell rich broths being prepared up in the village, drifted towards me by the breeze. The grass beneath me was cool, and did not have the voice to protest my rough handling every now and again when these memories angered me. Leonardo had loved it here.

All those factors I had thought would hinder our relationship haven't affected it at all. I often forget he is a ninja. When we are together, we are both taking a break from our work, therefore I am not a samurai and he is not a ninja, we are who we are supposed to be. I've hardly given much thought to the age difference either. He is so mature, it slips my mind he is still only seventeen, eighteen in a few months. Of course there are times I remember, when he breaks his guard and lets his true age show, but those events are rare, and the adulthood overshadows them. I also thought the idea of two separate worlds would trouble us, but it has hardly been an issue. I don't think I've ever used portals so much in my life, but I am grateful, because it means my love is only a few minutes away. And finally, I have not been bothered by our sexes either. I thought I would, because I am not gay like Leonardo, simply attracted to both sexes, or 'greedy' as Raphael so fondly worded it. But however different my relationship with Leonardo is, I know it is no less significant than the one I had with Mariko. Perhaps it is more at this moment in time.

"_Usagi, please! You have to understand,"_

Isn't all this proof Leonardo and I had something that was worth fighting for? We had already realised it was not just a fling lasting a month or two. Of course seven months is not as solid as seven years but I do believe it feels as if we have truly known each other many, many years, as if we were partners or good friends in a past life, as we both have such old souls. But that's silly to think, isn't it? Hm.

That's it, I've made up my mind. How could I have been so blind? All this just proves to me Leonardo and I should still be together, despite what his master says. Splinter-San is wrong. I know I have been taught to respect those that are older and more skilled than I am, but my lover's father has taken this too far. I've also been taught to stand up for what I believe in and to protect the innocent and those I love. And I certainly love Leonardo.

"_I understand perfectly well Leonardo. Farewell,"_

Determinedly, I rose from my spot by the river and returned to the house to retrieve my swords. It wasn't to look intimidating or professional, but simply because I felt lost without them, just like Leonardo does when he is without his. I know it's quite ridiculous really, the way we get attached to our blades, but I suppose it makes us more careful and precise with them, instead of careless and sloppy. Once they were safe on my belt, I made my way back outside.

Creating the portal, my veins pulsed with some sort of nervous certitude. I didn't know what it was I wanted to say to Master Splinter but I believed it would come to me when I faced him. I didn't write in the symbols for Splinter-San himself, but the home they lived in. I didn't want to just burst in and appear rude and inconsiderate. That would not help matters any.

I took a deep and calming breath and stepped through, hoping I didn't run into Leonardo before I met his father. I didn't want to face Splinter-San hurt and angry, my guard cracked and unprepared, as Leonardo often tends to stir a number of emotions within me, not usually hurt and anger of course, but in the circumstances.

When I emerged their home seemed empty. I had entered just before the front door and could see the television talking to itself in the middle of the room, a light was shining through the gap at the bottom of the door to Donatello's laboratory, indicating he was studying something or other. Every other door was closed completely so I didn't know where anyone else was.

The place was absolutely spotless. Nothing was dusty or out of place. The floor had been scrubbed and the stone was no longer dirty. If it weren't for the photographs lying on the mantlepiece I would not know it was the same place. I know Leonardo and Donatello were moderately neat, but this was a drastic change.

Before I took a step forwards, the kitchen door swung open and out plodded Michelangelo carrying a sandwich and a glass of juice whilst looking surprisingly thoughtful and solemn. The moment he saw me he let out a high pitched shriek and his lunch crashed to the floor. His cat instantly pounced on it, claiming the sandwich for his own.

"Dude! Couldn't you have _knocked_?" He breathed, holding a hand to his hammering heart.

"I do apologise," I couldn't help a chuckle.

"What are you doing here? You know Splinter forbid you," He said seriously, stepping over his feasting cat nearer towards me.

"I know he did. I need to talk this through with your master. To be honest, I wasn't sure if I was in the right place," I remarked gesturing towards the obvious strange cleanliness.

"That's Leo. He's just turned into this clean freak. Every room in the house is like it, even Raph's," Michelangelo sighed sorrowfully.

"How's he been?" I asked quietly. My young friend hugged himself, ignoring his cat nowlapping the apple juice on the floor.

"Almost silent. He doesn't speak to Splinter anymore, well, not unless he's spoken to, but he talks to us, especially Raph. Raph's been good. They go out together now. They still argue, but there's no hate or jealousy behind it, not anymore," He explained with a very small smile.

"Well at least some good has come from this," I shook myhead almost fondly. To learn that my lover's relationship with his brother has prospered fills me with relieved joy.

"We're not allowed to speak about you anymore. And Raph pretends Sensei doesn't exist. Leo just cleans all day, even if it's still clean from the day before. Things were better when he was seeing you. We might not have known the cause, but he was happier, less tense and uptight," Michelangelo told me sadly, eyes flickering towards the tv still switched on.

"I will try to change things Michelangelo. Where is your master?" I questioned.

"In his room, like he always is," The turtle shrugged and nodded towards a door a little down a corridor to the left.

"Please, don't tell Leonardo I am here. If this goes well, I want it to be a surprise," I requested, tightening my obi and readjusting my swords.

"Sure thing dude, Good luck," And with that Michelangelo began to clear up the china and glass he had dropped now Klunk had finished his lunch.

I sucked in soothing air once more and made my way to Splinter-San's quarters. Talking with Michelangelo only further fuelled my determination. He had said there had been a pleasant change in his oldest brother when we were courting, and that shows to me it wasn't just my imagination thinking our relationship was for the better. His master just couldn't see that.

My nerves were stronger now, and my mouth went dry as it always did when I was nervous. I could leave this room with his blessing, or I could leave with his hatred. Either prospect was scary but I knew at the end of this, be it a good end or a bad end, I will know for sure whether I can be with Leonardo or not. I was adamant this discussion would be different to our last. I was not furious this time and I know what is at stake.

I hesitated at his door, noticing my paw was shaking as I raised it to knock. Then I closed my eyes briefly, breathed deeply, gathered my courage, then knocked and entered before I even had permission. I could not risk being disallowed entry. I would talk with him if it was the last thing I did, whether he liked it or not.

I had only ever been in here once, and then it was on more pleasant matters. Myrrh incense hung heavily in the air, making my nose twitch. Candsles were the only light source, bright and hot yet insufficient. There were dark muslin sheets lining the walls between the paintings. I wondered if long ago, he ever had Leonardo's drawings taped to the wall by his futon. There were many drawn by a young Michelangelo, and even a few by Raphael and Donatello (Identifiable by the various shades in which they were made with), but none by my lover. Had Leonardo simply not drawn any at all, or none for his master's eyes?

"Why are you here? To take my son away from me?"

His voice was cold and hating, just like his expression. A book was poen in his lap, but he slammed it shut. I knelt before him, a table between us. I wondered how Leonardo had always felt when he knelt here at times. Frightened? Hateful? Upset? Crushed under so much weight?

"Have you lost so much respect in me you really think I would do that?" I remarked icily, raising an eyebrow. He scrutinised me for a few seconds then sighed.

"I do not know what to think. You have thrown this family out of balance," He accused, frowning. I shook my head, marvelling how brave I was to correct him.

"No, I simply righted the scales," I answered. He knew I meant his eldest son without even saying his name. The rat couldn't deny Leonardo representing the scales holding his brothers up. After all, Splinter had raised him to do so.

"Things were perfect until you pursued my son," He scowled. He was angry too, but unlike me, he didn't tremble.

"They were perfect for you, not Leonardo," I snapped back.

"It is a sacrifice the eldest has to make as a leader," He shrugged as if he had heard this many times. Had he told it himself to justify his actions?

"He had no choice in the matter!" I hissed furiously, then calmed myself down. I hate angry arguments, they cloud your judgement until you cannot see clearly. I sighed and spoke serenely. "I know family comes first to Leonardo, and I know even if you hadn't forced leadership upon him he would still bear it on his shoulders, but let me ease that weight," I beseeched softly, firmly.

"No," Splinter-San shook his head and I felt the resentment bristle once more. "If I lessen that pressure he will slack, make more mistakes, put his and their lives in danger," He argued, regarding me in clear distaste for even suggesting such a thing.

"Did he slack when we were together in secret? Did he make any more mistakes?" I demanded hotly, already aware of the answer. He hadn't, otherwise he would have picked up on it. Splinter-San's expression changed and I know he inspected me in a new light.

"No he did not," He replied truthfully with a sigh. He was silent for a few seconds, understanding he had lost that part of our debate. Then he found a new tact. "He is young and you are different. You will grow tired and cast him aside. If you end your relationship now, that hurt will not be as strong, and he will recover eventually.

"Yes he will," I agreed. I was after all speaking from experience. "But I will not hurt him in the future. I have no intention of 'casting him aside'. I care very much for your son Splinter-San," I had wanted to say I loved Leonardo, but I think that would have been a little extreme. It was also the truth. I would never tire of Leonardo.

"Why should I take your word for it?" He surveyed me tranquilly, as if trying to see if I was lying and coming up with nothing.

"I'm here, am I not? If I didn't, I wouldn't be here, and you know it," I replied with a smirk I didn't mean to let slip.

He pulled a face, creasing his brow. I could tell by his defeated, shamed expression he had folded. I still feel enraged with Master Splinter for some of his beliefs and plans, but I felt a little respect for him return. He may not admit he was wrong, but at least he felt a little regret, and he did truly care for Leonardo, deep down under all those beliefs and plans, just like I thought.

"Very well, I will allow this, but I do not like it. We shall see if Leonardo's leadership abilities falter, and the moment they do, I will forbid this once more, do you understand?" He stipulated, eyes glinting with as much vexation as my own. That little respect he had regained he lost once more.

"I understand perfectly well Master Splinter," I scowled.

Out of politeness, I bowed my head and thanked him for his time before getting to my feet. I had a sudden urge to smother him in his own muslin but I fought it off with a mental, bitter chuckle. Leonardo would not be pleased if I murdered his own father, even if I merely jokingly thought about it. As I reached the doorway, the old rat spoke once more.

"Usagi-San, has your relationship with my son developed into one of a sexual nature?" He asked quietly to my retreating back.

I paused, trying to think what the best response should be. Should I lie and tell him Leonardo and I had never even thought about making love, let alone done it in the moonlight late at night with the stars peering nosily down on us. Or should I tell him the truth? Perhaps that would be the best course of action, if a little personal. What was it to him anyway?

"Many times,"

"Hm, maybe I should stop pretending they will remain innocent souls for as long as I live," He mused thoughtfully. So that was it. He was frightened of his sons entering adulthood.

"Yes, you should. They are grown up now,"

I smiled ever so slightly to myself then left the room and quietly shut the door behind me. I had earned this victory, whether Splinter liked it or not. And I will prove to him I am more than good enough for Leonardo.

And with that, I went to find my boyfriend and be with him once more.

To Be Continued

A.N: I know I could very easily end it here but I'm not lol, there'll be around four more chapters hopefully, we'll see how it goes lol. Thanks to Donny's Girl for beta reading as usual, and apologies if Splinter appears OOC, it wasn't intended. I just wanted to swap ideas round and have Raph as supportive and Splinter disliking the idea. How did it go? Lol please review and tell me what you thought! Much love!


	9. Fur

A.N: You know, I need to stop saying how many chapters I think there will be, because now I'm estimating another five after this one. So we'll just go with that lol. I'm not complaining anyway lol. Anyway, thanks muchly for the reviews and love, you guys rock. Prepare yourself for an onslaught of fluff. Do it. Now. Thank you.

Impetus

Chapter Nine

Fur

Leonardo's POV

My wrists ached with the pressure, but I continued to scrub the stone until it was smooth enough to use as a mirror. This is the second time this week I've polished this lair spotless, and note it's only Tuesday. I never realised how really dirty everything was. So, so dirty. And as soon as something is clean, it gets mucky again.

But it keeps my mind off of him. It stops me from curling up in a corner and refusing the world. It doesn't allow me to remember the tender way he held me and every trouble, big or small, seemed to vanish. Busy, busy, busy, always busy. Just one thing after another, no time to myself, and that's how I like it. I don't like thinking about him anymore, it hurts too much.

I was not expecting what my father said to me. I thought there was a chance he would disapprove of my sexuality, or of Usagi as a lover, but it never crossed my mind that I was not supposed to have _any _partner, male or female. I'm supposed to live my life alone to ensure I would be a perfect leader.

The hurt I felt upon hearing those plans is starting to dull now. I'm growing used to the idea. After all, I won't be totally alone. I have my brothers. The brothers I will love, and protect, and care for, and watch grow old with the ones they cherish, for the rest of my life.

Who am I kidding? I can't do this. No one can be that selfless their whole life. Nearly eighteen years of being their guide, and this is the thanks I get? I know it's not my brothers' fault, I know they don't want this anymore than I do, but is my father the one to blame? Is he wrong to deny his son his own life, to guarantee the other sons are healthy and happy with their own? Is a little part of me wrong for thinking yes?

But he's my father and teacher isn't he? Or is he my teacher, and their father? I'm so confused. Is anyone at fault, or are we all at fault? Am I to blame for allowing this to happen? I consented to be the leader, I agreed without doubt to care for them, I let Usagi walk right out of my life.

My brothers have been a godsend. Raphael and I are so close now. For once, and it makes me feel so proud, he is standing up for me and not against me, he is fighting my battle instead of fighting against me. It has not been like this since we were little and it makes me love him all the more, especially when he pretends our father doesn't exist. Yes, I know that is wrong of me.

Donatello and Michelangelo have also been nothing but supportive, although thankfully they are more respectful of Master Splinter. If they all refused to accept his presence, I don't even want to think about what might happen. All hell would break loose probably. I can't allow that, even if I do feel resentment toward my father at the moment.

I don't know what I'm going to do. What choice do I have? Stay here and just waste my life? Or do I leave everything I've ever known and start anew? I can't do either, I know I can't. I can't live my life how Sensei wants and I can't just abandon my brothers. I need them.

I had thought as we got older, my responsibilities would lessen. I'd hopefully still be the leader of course but as we aged and our abilities grew they would need less and less of my protection. And I can just be a leader, not a baby sitter. I guess I was wrong. My father is too wrapped up in making me perfect, he has forgotten nobody can be perfect, we all have our flaws.

Even Usagi had faults. I used to pretend they weren't there, but now we are through, I realise them. And I'm sure my brothers see faults in their partners too. And surely my father sees things wrong in himself. After all, it is better to find one fault in yourself, than a million faults in another, right? So why can't he see I cannot be the perfect leader he wants me to be? Very good maybe, but never perfect.

I shifted on my knees a little to scrub in the doorway of my room. Spotless, this floor had to be absolutely spotless before I could allow myself to move on. The scraping of the bristles on the cold stone hissed loudly, thankfully drowning out the noise of Mikey's tv programme. I paused for a brief second to adjust my sore grip on the brush, then got back to work.

Funny. My eyes must be tired, because I could have sworn I saw a pair of white furry feet in my doorway. God my mind is playing tricks on me, I'm seeing glimpses of him everywhere but it never is him, always just my imagination. I shook my head and glared hard at the stone floor. Busy.

I jumped as a pair of paws to match the feet I'd imagined curled themselves around my wrists, firmly stopping my scrubbing. I stared. Hallucinations couldn't do this. I hardly dared to breathe, my heart was pounding so forcefully in my chest it hurt. It couldn't be. He's not allowed here. We're not even allowed to talk about him. Gulping, I looked up.

It _was _him, more beautiful and powerful than I'd ever imagined him to be. He was wearing a look I'd never seen before, he was happy yet sad, all at once. The happiness made his eyes shine and the sadness made his smile all the sweeter. I'd almost forgotten to breathe.

"I'm here," He whispered tenderly.

He wasn't real, he couldn't be. Sensei had forbid him and the way he said farewell to me sounded so final I had given up any hope of seeing him again. Yet, if he wasn't real, how could I feel his blood pulsing through his veins as he held onto me? How could his voice exhilarate me? How could his fur feel so soft underneath my fingers as I touched his cheek?

"This is not a dream?" I breathed, my eyes sweeping over every part of him I could.

"No, this is not a dream," He smiled softly, coming from his haunches to his knees to be eye level with me.

I'd never felt his kisses as strongly or appreciated them more than I did that moment. He was fiercer, his touch tighter, as if to chase away any doubt left in my mind. He held me afterwards, pulling me close into that triangle of fur underneath his neck that was revealed by his kimono. He smelt strongly of myrrh, my father's current favourite scent of incense.

"You've been to see Master Splinter?" My question was light and quiet, muffled by his fur. If I smelt hard and long enough, his usual musk fought through, familiar, soothing.

"Mmhmm," He mumbled, face caught up in the crook of my neck, where it joined my shoulder. The tickle of his fur made me shudder pleasantly.

"What did you say?" I asked, lifting my head to look him in the eyes. I knew he caught the fear in my voice because his smile grew bigger and more reassuring.

"I told him you will not slack or let your abilities suffer whilst we are together. And I also told him I will care for you for the rest of my life,"

Those words made me kiss him again. I couldn't help it. Fluffy sayings and gestures always make me want to touch him, even if it's just to hold his paw. Of course they aren't often, because neither of us feels the need to be sappy all the time, which makes them all the more special to me.

A high-pitched screech resounded in my ear when my eyes were still closed. I jumped and fell back from Usagi so haphazardly I upset the bucket of soapy water I'd been using to scrub the floor. It tipped over and gushed all over my floor and around our knees. I looked up and gave my baby brother, who was practically crying with laughter, the harshest glare I could muster.

"Gotcha big bro!"

"Michelangelo!" I growled and threw the scrubbing brush at him. It missed and hit the wall, but it got the point across.

"Hey! That could have hurt!" He whined.

"I won't miss next time," I warned, getting to my feet. Usagi, chuckling, followed my example. The hem of his kimono was wet where it had caught the water.

"Geez it was just a joke," Mike huffed indignantly.

"Just go and fetch me the mop please," I sighed, rolling my eyes.

He did so and I righted the silver bucket and dropped the scrubbing brush in there with a loud clang. Usagi collapsed onto my bed, treating it as if it was his own. Though obviously, mine was just an old mattress stacked on some crates, and his was a real bed. A lot of people say nothing can beat your own bed, but his certainly can that's for sure. And it has nothing to do with sex either I'll have you know.

Michelangelo returned with the mop and handed it to me before springing onto the bed next to my lover. Usagi laughed as he bounced a couple of inches as a result of Mike's weight before my brother settled down. He was clearly in a much better mood now Usagi had spoken to our father and I was more cheerful.

"So what did Splintie-man say dude?" Mike asked sunnily. I looked at Usagi curiously as I mopped up the water.

"He allows your brother and me to be together, although he doesn't like it," He replied solemnly, his eyes on the door behind me.

"Yeah well that's his mistake," Came a cool and deep voice from the door. I spun round and Raph was stood there, a smiling Donatello at his shoulder.

"That it is," Usagi smiled back.

I rolled my eyes with a grin before setting the mop in the bucket and then propping it against the wall. The floor was slippery now, but the excess water was gone and I perched on my desk, as seats were scarce now the room was full. Raph slouched in the chair beside me and Don chose the corner of my bed. It was an unwritten rule that my room was the meeting place when we didn't want Splinter involved.

"Dude! Now Donny can make you fertile and you can have lots of trabbit babies!" Mike sang loudly, bouncing on his knees.

Silence followed his tune, complete and utter silence. Trabbit babies? What the hell is he _on_?

"What?" He pouted, giving us all his puppy look.

"That's sick," Raph said bluntly. "Get out," He added, pointing forcefully at the door.

"Aw c'mon! Wouldn't it be cool to have little green rabbits with shells running around?" Mike shrugged with a wide grin. Usagi stared at him as if he had no idea what to think.

"That's sick," Raph reiterated, just as brusquely as before.

"You make me sound like some mad scientist," Donny rolled his eyes in exasperation.

"Dude, you sort of are," Mikey pointed out casually, earning him an unimpressed look from our genius.

"Just shut up Mike, you've scared me enough for one day," Raph shook his head and folded his arms across his plastron with a slight scowl. I laughed quietly, trying not to think of Mike's plainly disturbing image.

This is what it should have been like the first time. True Sensei would have said the same thing, but so would my brothers. I wish I'd said something earlier and got my father's reaction over and done with. Still, that bit is through now.

I hadn't let my relationship with Usagi affect my leadership before and I won't this time. If Sensei wants proof, I shall damn well give it to him! Usagi has been a breath of fresh air these past months, something to help me bear the weight. I'm not going to let him walk away like that again.

I was so foolish. I just wanted him to understand I couldn't disobey my master, that he was wrong. But I was the wrong one. I broke my promise and I made the incorrect decision. Of course I have a duty to my father, but I also have a duty to myself.

I wonder if Master Splinter will hate me now? I was the perfect son, before I went behind his back and blatantly disobeyed him. I love him. And I know he did love me as much as he does my brothers, but now I'm not so sure. I'm not sure if I could stay here knowing he resented me.

"Are you going away for the rest of the week?" Donny asked me, smiling gently.

"If I'm still welcome?" I looked over at Usagi, who was laid flat out on my bed with his arms folded behind his bed.

"That was a ridiculous question," He replied, not even giving me the satisfaction of opening his eyes, but his whiskers did twitch in amusement. I gave a laugh, but then a thought hit me and I frowned.

"It would not make a good impression on Sensei if I took a break right after promising to prove myself," I mused with a sad sigh.

"This has been planned, leave dickface to me," Raph shrugged carelessly, waving a hand by my face to indicate it was unimportant.

Raph has clearly lost all respect for our father. A part of me is thankful he is so supportive of me, but another part feels guilty for ruining his relationship with Sensei. It was already bruised to begin with and now Raph won't even acknowledge him, let alone talk with him and sort it out. And I feel bad for that.

I think Raph understands me a little now. Or at least he has started to think about my position a little more because he is clearly no longer jealous, and I don't think I am either. Raph still has that freedom I wanted, but I have Usagi now, he is more than enough. And I think leadership has lost its appeal to my younger brother, because I know he cares for Natasha very much, he told me so. He would definitely not give her up if Sensei ordered him to.

"Maybe we should go now, only I think I have upset your master enough for one day," Usagi suggested, finally sitting up. Mikey let out a long and whiny 'aw'.

"Yeah, you're right," I sighed, slipping down from my seat on the desk.

"We'll see you off," Donny offered with a grin.

It only took us about ten minutes to the place in the sewers we usually used to create portals. I've lost count of the times I've snuck out here over the past few months. But that's it now, there's no need for sneaking anymore. I was grateful for it too, do you know how difficult it is sneaking out of a house full of ninjas? Mike caught me once and I had to pretend I was sleepwalking. It sort of worked, because the night after I found my wrist had been tied to the bed when I awoke. No doubt another of Mike's brilliant schemes.

Usagi drew the portal, whilst I bid my brothers goodbye. It was only for a few days, as Usagi only had the week off. But still, it was much better than nothing. I'd have taken just an hour after I'd thought I'd never see him again.

I could hear someone walking around the corner despite the trickle of the sewage water in the pipes and Usagi saying goodbye to my brothers. I strained my ears and I could tell who it was by the claws scraping on the stone, the tap of the cane and the soft slither of his tail. I watched the hallway until he appeared around the corner. Everyone froze, all eyes on our father as he stood calmly observing.

"Are you going for good?" He asked me quietly. His expressionless eyes almost made me shiver.

"No Sensei. Only until Sunday, and then Usagi has to return to work," I replied as placidly as I could manage. I could feel Raphael's anger from his spot next to me and briefly touched his shoulder to pacify him and lull my nerves.

"Very well, I expect it to be business as usual come Monday morning," Master Splinter raised a brow at me, ignoring Raph's very audible and furious growl.

"Of course Sensei," I said, bowing my head out of polite respect.

And before either of us could say another word to each other, Usagi tugged my hand and we stepped through the portal together. I saw Mike and Don wave goodbye and Raph gave me a forced grin before we emerged outside the cottage and in the countryside of Usagi's world that I loved so much. Funny, it felt like the end of something.

"I fear your home will be a battleground from now on," Usagi smiled sadly, taking my hand as we made our way around the little house to the front door.

"You're telling me," I muttered, remembering my brother's fury. I guess he could only go so long pretending Sensei didn't exist. Poor Mike and Don, that's all I can say.

He let us in and I gratefully hurried over to the kettle sitting by the stove. It gets just as cold here as it does at home only sadly, Usagi doesn't have a central heating system built by a resident genius, unlike us. So we just spend more time by the fire or in bed, and I drink tea by the bucket load, but that isn't all that unusual. And my cold-bloodedness just gives me more of a reason to cuddle his fur. I love his fur.

As I prepared tea, he built up the fire and soon enough the place began to warm and I stopped shivering. It really was a sweet Japanese retreat, one you'd find in a history book. It wasn't exactly Usagi's, he just rented it, but he was thinking about saving up to buy it.

The kettle whistled and I poured the water into the cups and finished readying them. I swept mine into my hands instantly, bringing the heat close to my face. I smiled as I felt his arms snake their way around my waist. He had to stand on his tiptoes to rest his chin on my shoulder as I was still a few inches taller. And he had to press himself right against my shell to fit his arms around my middle. My body can be so awkward sometimes, but Usagi doesn't seem to mind.

"I'm sorry," He murmured into my shoulder, making me shiver again. I closed my eyes, just enjoying the feel of his fur against my skin.

"I'm sorry too," I whispered.

We didn't need to say what we were sorry for. He knew I was sorry for allowing Master Splinter to break us up and I knew he was sorry for not understanding my relationship with my master. I hope he knows now this relationship I have with _him _means more to me than anything. Except my brothers, but that is a different kind of love, so I cannot say I love one more than the other.

He said nothing, only kissed my shoulder so gently I could hardly feel it. His whiskers tickled and his touch gave me goose bumps I know he could feel but he carried on regardless, kissing up my neck then spinning me around to continue up my jaw. My legs felt like jelly and my breath caught in my throat.

I hastily and blindly put my mug of tea back onto the table beside his. I missed and it clattered to the floor, shattering upon impact and spilling the liquid. His was ignored and left to go stone-cold.

I couldn't dismiss the mess and made to clear it up but he pulled me back, clearly under the impression a little spilt tea was unimportant. It soon slipped my mind also when all I could smell was him instead of tea fumes and his fur was so soft and clean beneath my fingers.

I forgot everything else. Forgot I nearly lost him. Forgot I would never live up to my father's crazy expectations. Forgot Raph and Sensei were probably at each other's throats by now. I even forgot about Mikey and Don and little Klunk. Just for now. Because I'll have him and he is more than enough.

I said I wasn't ready for love and now look what's happened. Still, I'm not complaining.

To Be Continued

A.N: Wow that took a long time to type lol. Anyway hope you all enjoyed. I'll try not to be too long with the next chapter. Take care.


	10. The End of All Things

A.N: I can't believe how fast I wrote this chapter. I wrote most of it in one day, instead of over a week or so like usual. It's probably because this chapter has been planned for ages. It's like the last chapter, I did a JK Rowling and planned the last chapter from the beginning. I'm crazy, and I know lol. I'm also sad to say there will be no more chapters in Usagi's point of view. From now on, they will be in Leos'. I'm sorry, I really did enjoy writing Usagi, but for the benefit of the story, we will now be hearing it from Leonardo. Anyway, hope you enjoy this truly fast update, even if it is a little longer lol, but you guys don't mind that, rights?

Impetus

Chapter Ten

The End of All Things

Leonardo's POV

I woke up in a cold bed. It didn't bother me though, I still find it strange sharing the sheets and waking up next to someone I love, even after three years. Yeah it's been three years since Usagi and I told my family about our affair. Everything between my samurai and me has been nothing but perfect. God I'm making us sound like an old married couple.

I celebrated my twentieth birthday not so long ago, a few months after his twenty-seventh. It seems like a lot of years when you put it like that, doesn't it? I don't mind it, in fact I hardly notice it. There are times of course when I feel a little childish and ignorant compared to Usagi, but they pass quickly enough.

The first thing I see when I open my eyes and roll onto my side is his Battle Nexus trophy sitting modestly on a shelf by the window. He's the current champion, much to my baby brother's initial dismay. Mike soon got over it though, like he said, better it is a friend than a complete stranger.

It wasn't much longer after our eighteenths, nearer Sensei's birthday. I can still remember my defeat at Usagi's hands, it wasn't even during the finals. It was the quarters, or the semis, or something like that. It's hard to keep track when you can't see the other fights. I guess his experience won out in the end. The guilty yet loving feeling he gave me before I faded still gives me the chills. Still, there will be another tournament next year, although I am not that eager to win. I prefer the challenge, not the glory. Unlike Usagi, who enjoys both.

He will be coming home today. Not that it's really _my _home. I still live with Master Splinter and my brothers. Usagi bought this cottage last year and I just spend time here with him when he was off work. This time was different however. He had a week's break, but he didn't have it here with me.

I finally convinced him to visit Mariko and Kenichi. He has returned to his hometown after eight very long years. I just knew he wouldn't regret it. She was his first love and that was where he was raised, he had to go back sometime, if only for a short visit. If I were in his kimono, I certainly wouldn't rest until I had tied up all those loose ends.

I only had a couple of days before I had to return home and he had to go back to work so I'm determined to make the most of them. I've missed him so much but he's back today and that's all that matters, especially since this week has been so lonely without him.

He wasn't due back until this afternoon, so I spent the morning making sure the place was clean and then I went into the village to stock up on food and things. I have become good friends with many of the villagers after spending so much time here. They were a friendly and peaceful lot, and they accepted me for whom I am. I'm growing to enjoy it here much more than I do in New York. And I'm sure my brothers would share my sentiments.

I paid Daisuke a visit around one. It's hard to keep track of time here, there's no clock like home, so you have to keep an eye on the position of the sun. It was hard getting used to at first, as I hardly see the sun at home. He told me he would be back around three if the roads were clear, so I had another couple of hours to burn at least.

Daisuke was pleasant as usual and up for a long chat. I do get on well with him and his family. His son was nearly three now, his daughter just six. She was already reminding me of April with the way she bossed the other children in the village around. The little boy was curious for his age, always into things and exploring, sort of like Don when he was younger actually.

"Is Usagi back today?" Daisuke asked cheerfully, setting down a glass of fruit juice on the bar in front of me.

"Yeah, it's been a long week," I smiled gratefully, making sure my shopping was secure on the floor between my legs before relaxing.

"I'm sure it has, but it's about time he paid his hometown a visit," The lion grinned, collecting glasses from a couple of cats who had decided it was time to leave. There was a burst of loud barkish laughter from a group of coyotes behind me. The Merry Dragon sure did pull in a wide trade.

"It certainly was," I agreed. I smiled at the little heads that popped around the bottom of the counter.

"Leonardo-san!" Sora cried with glee, sprinting toward me and glomping my legs tightly. Her brother, Kio, plodded behind her, just gurgling happily. I laughed and lifted him onto my lap where he fiddled with my bandana.

"Sora what has your mother told you about coming into the bar?" Daisuke asked sternly, but I could tell he was dying to smirk.

"I'm sorry papa," Sora replied obediently, but she stayed where she was all the same. "Let e see your katana Leonardo-san, please!" She whined, tugging on my arm. Kio was heavy in my arms but he simply giggled and sucked on my bandana.

"I'm sorry Sora but I don't think your father or his customers would be very happy if I took my swords out in the bar," I smiled apologetically. She let out an 'aw' worthy of Michelangelo.

"Leonardo-san is right Sora. Perhaps some other time," Daisuke suggested, but I could tell the day I showed his daughter my swords would be my death day.

"Okay papa," The infant lioness smiled sweetly then began to clamber onto the stool beside me. Kio was still content with chewing on the blue fabric draped over my shoulder, babbling to himself. "Leonardo-san, is Usagi-san your best friend?" She asked innocently, peering up at me with amber eyes identical to her father's. Daisuke let out a very audible snort which turned into a cough and I blatantly ignored him.

"Yes he is, and has been for a very long time," I answered with a smile. She grinned widely.

"I have a best friend too," She carried on, oblivious to her father's amusement. "Her name is Rosie and she lives down the street,"

"Yes I am very familiar with Rosie," How could I not be when she likes to give Usagi a carrot whenever she sees him. It wouldn't be so bad if he actually liked carrots.

"I think it's time you went and helped your mama now Sora," Daisuke said firmly as he handed a couple of ales to some new customers (a bear and a lizard, surprisingly) and added their money to the till. Sora wasn't too pleased.

"Aw but papa, can't I help you in the bar?" She begged, giving the lion her best pout and wide eyes.

"No, a bar is no place for little children. I've allowed you to stay long enough," He raised an eyebrow at her and she slid off her stool reluctantly.

"Will you be back later with Usagi-san?" She asked hopefully as I attempted to pry Kio's newly formed teeth from my bandana.

"We will probably be over for dinner, yes," I laughed, setting her brother back onto the floor. He tried to stick his tail into his mouth instead but it wouldn't reach.

"Yay!" She sang loudly, turned on her heel and skipped into the back to find her mother.

"Bye 'Nardo-san," Kio mumbled through a mouthful of paw. He didn't speak often, but when he did, he certainly blew up the cute-o-meter.

"Goodbye Kio," I chuckled. He nodded and followed his sister.

"Sorry about that," Daisuke roared with laughter at my effort to wring out the saliva from my bandana tails. "He's at the chewing stage, can't get him out of it,"

"Yes I'm sure that's difficult for a _lion_," I remarked dryly, causing him to chortle more. I tossed my bandana over my shoulder onto my shell where I couldn't feel it.

"Please try to come for dinner, Sora can hold a grudge for a very long time," He warned with a toothy grin.

"I promise we'll come. I don't think Usagi will feel like cooking after all that traveling," No need to mention I couldn't cook to save my life.

Daisuke and I chatted for a little while longer, and whilst he was busy, countless people came over and enquired about how I was doing and everything. I really feel like I belong here, despite my ninjitsu. Before they knew me, the villagers didn't take it into account because I was with Usagi. Now they know me, and it still doesn't cross their minds. And that's what I like most about this place. It feels like Leonardo well and truly fits, with or without Usagi.

"I'd better get going, he'll be home soon," I drained my second glass of juice and set it onto the bar with a chink.

"All right then, see you later friend,"

"Bye,"

I gathered my shopping, shook his paw and made my way out of his bar, offering farewells to the villagers who offered the same. I think it's fair to say I've made quite a few friends in the past three years. Even the children are admiring and awed. Of course that may be because I always carry around a pair of swords but shush.

The walk back to the cottage was pleasant. It was dry out, and sunny for early September. The road was pretty quiet to say it was mid-afternoon. It was a little odd not to hear the rumble of a cart but I didn't mind. It meant I could hear his footsteps better when he came.

Once I was back home it didn't take long to put away all that I'd bought and make myself a cup of tea. I took it up to the bedroom and opened the window shutters wide so I could easily hear and see anyone coming up the road. I sat on the bed with my tea, fully intending to read until he got home.

What I didn't intend on doing was falling asleep. But the bed was so soft and I hadn't got much sleep last night and the sun was making me drowsy. I don't know how long I slept but I heard someone come into the room and go through the wardrobe through my slumber.

I opened my eyes to find the sun setting, leaving a dark sky behind and dimming the room. A sight of beauty (god doesn't that sound cheesy?!) was folding his kimonos and putting them back into their place as silently as he could manage. He looked over at me, his face solemn and calm.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you," He said softly, returning to his unpacking.

"Don't be silly. I missed you," I smiled, getting up and crossing to him.

He didn't pause as I approached so I wrapped my arms around his waist and rested my chin on his shoulder. Funny, had he lost weight? I felt him tense, his back stiff against my plastron.

"Not now Leonardo, I only just got in," He mumbled, shrugging himself out of my hold and pulling himself away. Try as I might I never got him to call me Leo.

"What's wrong?" I asked quietly, letting my arms drop to my side. He never, _never _brushes me off, especially if he just home. When he finishes work, he usually can't stop touching me, except in public of course.

"Nothing's wrong," He snapped, which of course meant something was. He's never snapped at me before.

"Usagi, I know you. What's happened? Didn't Mariko want you there or something?" I questioned gently, taking a step toward him and touching his arm. He snatched it away as if he had been burned and I suddenly felt sick.

"We need to talk," He said finally, turning to face me.

My stomach churned unpleasantly as a result of his weary tone. Warning bells screeched in my head. What was going on? Had something happened while he was away? A tiny mocking voice in the back of my mind sneered, the voice that always knew Usagi would grow bored with me eventually.

"This has to stop," He said firmly, pushing me to sit on the bed with a thump. My mouth moved on its own accord I swear.

"What has to stop? Staying here without you? I can do that, that's no problem. Or do you mean falling asleep in the afternoon? I can stop that too. I mean I only did it because I didn't sleep well last night," Yes I am very aware I was babbling like a nervous idiot. That's because I _was _a nervous idiot.

"No Leonardo," He interrupted calmly, patiently. I silenced, abruptly feeling very silly and vulnerable. "_We _have to stop," He corrected quietly.

"What do you mean?" I whispered, although I knew very well what he meant. My throat felt like sandpaper.

"I mean we have to stop seeing each other Leonardo,"

"What? Why?" I blurted out in shock. I had unexpectedly gone very, very cold, my brain hardly registering what was going on.

"It's not you Leonardo, trust me, it's-"

I wasn't listening. I don't understand. He was breaking up with me. Usagi. After three long years. I don't get it. What had I done? What had changed between us? What was different? Nothing. Well, not to me anyway. To me everything was still the same, I still loved him more than ever. What had changed for him?

My throat felt tight and I thought I was going to cry, but I didn't. He never gave any indication things were slipping. And everything was great before he went to his hometown. We made love the night before and he kissed me goodbye and everything. We were fine. I don't understand.

Unless . . . no, he wouldn't. What if there was someone else? Someone he'd met there? If he was fine with me before he went, then that surely meant he had met someone else. I don't know how I felt. Confused. Betrayed. Hurt. I had to know. I had to know everything.

"You've met someone else," I interrupted unexpectedly, bluntly, looking up at him.

"What?" He pulled a face, pausing his why-it's-not-your-fault-we're-breaking-up lecture.

"You've met someone else, haven't you?" I said again. Swallowing was hard when it felt like you had a golf ball stuck in there. He hesitated, probably wondering whether to tell me the truth or not.

"...Yes," He agreed finally, wrapping his arms around himself.

I nodded. My throat suddenly so tight I couldn't speak. I hugged myself, staring at the floor. Everything seems so surreal. A week ago we were happy together, and now, now we're no longer lovers. He doesn't love me anymore. Oh god.

"It might be best if you go home. I'm sorry,"

I hardly heard him. A part of me wanted to scream at him, yell at him for doing this to me. Yet another part just wanted him to leave me alone, let me cry, because that tiny part of knew he would end this sooner or later.

"Why? What am I doing wrong? What do they have that I don't?" I demanded, feeling my eyes burn painfully.

I didn't even want to know who it was. It could be Mariko, it was possible he fell in love with her again. Or it could have been someone I don't even know. All I wanted to know was why he didn't love me anymore. I wanted the truth.

"Don't be ridiculous Leonardo. It's not like that," Usagi sighed again, rubbing his eyes tiredly. I stared at him, determined not to look away until I had the truth. I think my watering eyes did him in. "I just . . . I just don't love you anymore,"

I got the truth all right. I couldn't answer that. I wasn't going to cry in front of him. I just sat there like an idiot, hugging himself, staring at the floor instead of his face. I felt like I didn't belong here. I felt like I was somewhere in between. In between fury and heartache. It hurt so much I was numb.

He reached out with a soft and tender paw to wipe away a tear that had escaped my eyes, but his touch felt like it burned and I pulled away, curling up on the bed. I couldn't stay here. I had to get out before it killed me.

It only took me a few minutes to gather my things. I never took much. We didn't speak all the time I was packing. He just watched me from the window, his face sadly serene. My hands were shaking but I still refused to cry. Not here. Not in front of him.

I tried not to think about him, or the things we've done, because I know it'd make me cry, and I promised myself I never would. I never cried when Master Splinter broke us up and I wouldn't cry now. Even though he'd never kiss me again, or hold me, or take me to an inn for dinner and sake, or make love to me. Because we were finished, over.

He didn't love me anymore.

I paused on my way out, wanting to say something, anything, but nothing came out. If I opened my mouth, I might start to cry and beg him to take me back. I can't do that, I still have my dignity right? I missed his fur already, the fur I had loved so much, and he was only standing three feet from me.

I made it downstairs and outside despite my legs feeling as if they were made of jell-O. Usagi hated jell-O. God why am I even thinking about that? It shouldn't matter to me what he likes and doesn't like anymore but it does. There were so many little things I loved so much. Like he used to pick the carrots out of his dinner, which is ironic really because rabbits are supposed to love carrots, and he _is _a rabbit. Oh for crying out loud. I'm walking out forever, and I'm thinking about damn carrots!

My hands were trembling when I drew the symbols for a portal on the back wall, but they were clear enough, because when it opened I was met with good old New York sewers. I was nearly home. _My _home. Home is where you are safe, and loved, and supported. Oh god, what am I supposed to tell Master Splinter?

Something in me, I don't know what, hope maybe, or desperation, I don't know, but something made me look up at his bedroom window. And there he was, watching me go. And he looked more beautiful than I'd ever seen him, more so than when he persuaded Master Splinter to let us be together, more beautiful just when I couldn't have him anymore. He raised his hand in a last farewell, and I stepped through the portal with a dry face.

The walk home was a blur. My mind was all over the place. What would I tell my family? Would I ever see Usagi again, even only as friends? And a part of me wanted to scream and cry, because I really damn loved him! I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. He'd promised Master Splinter he'd love me for the rest of his life and now look. The perfect opportunity for Sensei to say 'I told you so' and Raph to go psycho.

Home appeared empty when I got in. I didn't imagine anything less, because I wasn't due home for another two days yet. And the quiet was soothing, as was the smell of cookies drifting through the air. I threw my bag down by the door and went into the kitchen. I knew Mikey must be in there if he'd been baking, but I needed tea, I needed to think, to pull myself together.

"Leo? What are you doing back bro?"

I didn't answer my baby brother because I still couldn't trust myself not to cry. I crossed to the kettle and began making my tea, finding it harder and harder to control my hurt now I was in a place of comfort with my brothers, who I know now will support me through anything.

"Leo? Has something happened?" Mike came over to me this time, coiling an arm around my shoulders and trying to see my face because all I did was stare into my tea. I looked up at him, my throat tighter than ever.

"He broke up with me Mike," I whispered finally, looking back at my tea because if I saw his horrified face I know I wouldn't be able to stop the tears.

"Oh god Leo," And he held me closer.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw the rest of my family pile into the tiny kitchen, probably drawn by the sound of the front door. Sensei was the one I just couldn't look at. He was the one who was against this, he knew this would happen eventually.

"What's happened?" Don asked quietly. The atmosphere when they walked in must have felt terrible. I felt Mike flick me an apprehensive look but I couldn't reply, my mouth was too dry, so I merely drank some more tea.

"Usagi's dumped him," Mike answered for me. Gee thanks baby brother, _that's _compassionate.

"Oh,"

"That bastard!"

Don and Raph spoke at the same time but Sensei didn't say a word. Donny instantly came over to hug the other side of me Mike wasn't clutching. Raph paced around the table, ranting and muttering to himself and giving the counters brutal kicks when he passed them. I couldn't say anything or even look at anyone I know. I wasn't going to cry, especially not over him, because if I do, I fear I won't be able to stop.

"Leo? You okay?"

I didn't answer Donny, but I did look up. He and Mike were pictures of sympathy, looking at me as if I were about to sob myself to death, because they knew as well as I did how much I loved him. Raph was mutinous. He knew how well I'd fitted into Usagi's world, how many friends I'd made, and he'd accepted Usagi into our family too. And now it was all gone.

Sensei's look was the one that made me finally cry. His expression was one of pity mixed with superiority, one that clearly said 'I told you so'.

After that, I couldn't stop Don and Mike fussing, couldn't stop Raph's furious rant, couldn't escape Sensei's glare, I couldn't even stop thinking about Usagi and how much I'd lost, because it hurt too much to just let go. I had loved him, so much and now we were over. Just . . . over. It had all happened so fast I could barely grasp it.

Should I love him still for loving me, if only for a while? Or should I hate him for hurting me like this? I can't decide.

To Be Continued

A.N: I do realise I am going to be mobbed by a huge crowd with pitchforks and flaming torches. I'm sorry, but there is a to be continued! Please keep reading! Love you!


	11. 21

A.N: I apologise for the lateness, I've been having a little trouble with muses and plot bunnies at the moment. I must warn you, after this chapter I believe there will be two more and then an epilogue. I hope to get this story finished before the new year but I'm starting my last year of Sixth Form on Tuesday so there will be a bit extra work I fear. We'll just have to see how it goes. In the mean time, enjoy the chapter.

Impetus

Chapter Eleven

21

Leonardo's POV

Life was different now, and it had been hard getting used to. I'd become so adapted to having a life with a lover, it was bizarre to think I didn't have it anymore, to think any breaks I took I wouldn't spend them with Usagi. It hasn't even been a year, only nine, nearly ten months.

He wasn't here to hold and comfort me when Sensei passed away not long after Christmas. He wasn't here when Raph broke up with Natasha after four and a half years (I bet she doesn't tell her current boyfriend her ex was a turtle). He wasn't here when Casey and April were engaged. He wasn't here for a lot of things, including our twenty-first.

Well, in all honesty, our twenty-first is actually today. And it's only just past eight in the morning, but I don't think he'll come. Why should he? I missed his twenty-eighth in February, although Sensei had just passed away so I did have an excuse. I wanted to write him a letter, or send him a birthday card (He used to find the idea so comical) but I couldn't bring myself to.

Sensei had been so pleased we'd broken up, even though I hadn't let my relationship with Usagi affect my leadership. I proved I could have a lover and be a decent leader, but that wasn't good enough for him. He wanted no distractions, no time off. And he always told me Usagi would hurt me in the end because that's what lovers did. That didn't stop him from accepting the women in my brothers' lives.

But he was still my father and I loved him, right to the very end. He and Raphael repaired their relationship just weeks before it happened. It was Donny who convinced him to, after telling us Splinter wasn't likely to make it past Easter he was so ill. I guess he was just too old and living in the sewers caught up with him eventually.

There were many tears, even from Raph. Despite their feud, which was my fault, he still loved our father so very much. Mikey wouldn't talk for days, Don locked himself in his lab, and Raph was hardly home, but things are better now. We all knew he was starting to live on borrowed time when he got sick more often. He was already pretty old when we were mutated.

Things don't seem so strange without him anymore. We practice in the mornings still, but no one takes the lessons anymore. There's just a script we all follow. An hour of drill, an hour of kata, then an hour of meditation or sparring depending on the day. No one watches Friends at exactly six in the evening anymore. And the only person I make tea for now is me.

I found it hard at first. His lectures and instructions were all I'd ever known. But I'm doing fine now, we all are. Things are easier to cope with, for all of us. We miss him, but we are older now, adults, we can take care of ourselves.

Boy am I going to feel left out tonight. I don't like parties so much. Don't get me wrong, I love spending time with my brothers, even if their girlfriends are there, and April and Casey, but there will be vast amounts of alcohol, and really loud music, and lots of mess. Michelangelo and Casey are very hyper drunks. Raph's just mean. And Don? He's hard enough to understand when he's sober, it's even worse when he's tipsy. And April just gets silly and sentimental.

I hope Raphael's new girlfriend is different to his last one. Sure Natasha was pretty and saw past my brother's exterior, but she could appear quite snobbish sometimes, and she'd say things that hurt and you don't know if she was joking or if she meant it. She was different with him of course but I think he grew tired of it in the end. He was young then anyway, he probably has better judgement now.

It both amuses me and annoys me how I'm introduced now. I think it was Mike who started it. Well, meeting Alex was the first time I'd heard it. No doubt he'd come up with the title long before he ever had to introduce me, knowing Mike.

"_Alex, this is Leo,"_

"_Oh, are you the ol-"_

"_The gay one who dated a screwed-up rabbit Samurai person-thing, yeah that's him."_

Thanks Mike, but I'm pretty sure she was about to say 'oldest', dork. Not that I mind much, I know he wasn't being nasty, I just don't see why he was to mention it. It's as if this is how people should recognise me now. You know, Mike the prankster, Don the genius, Raph the hothead and Leo the gay one. That sure sounds good doesn't it? Huh please.

You want to know something else that happened this year? Don won the Battle Nexus Tournament. I was so proud of him. I lost my match to Raphael in the semifinals and Donny won his against Traximus surprisingly, (Mikey lost in the round before to our Triceraton friend) so that left the two middle brothers in the finals. It was weird really, seeing Raph and Don fight like that, like they had nothing to lose and everything to gain.

I hate to admit it but I was so shocked when Donny won. Not that I have a lack of faith in Donatello's abilities, but Raph was so determined and Don's usually so peaceful. I guess Donny was just tired of being taken as just the genius all the time or something, I don't know, but he deserved all the praise and recognition he received.

Now there's a statue next to Mikey's in the Hall of Champions (Don looking far more modest of course) and an identical trophy on the mantlepiece. I couldn't have been prouder, and I don't think Raphael was too disappointed either. He congratulated our brother, shrugged his shoulders and said there's always a next time. He has really matured over the years.

I didn't see Usagi there. I don't know if it's because he knew we would be competing or because he was genuinely too busy to enter. I asked the Daimyo if he'd seen him but he told me he hadn't heard from the samurai for a good year or so. It still sort of hurts, not calling him 'my' samurai like I used to.

Nobody else is up yet. Well I can't blame them really, not when we get to sleep in for once. We always get lie-ins on birthdays and Christmases. I can predict what time they'll be up already. Don will be awake in about an hour, Raph around ten or so, and then one of us will drag Mikey out of bed around noon. If Alex hasn't phoned by then of course.

Another thing that happened since Usagi broke up with me? April and Casey got engaged. How crazy is that? I mean don't get me wrong, I like Casey as much as the next guy but I thought April would have had enough by now. I mean they're so different, it's literally a relationship of brains versus brawns don't you think? Who would have thought April liked all those muscles and clueless grins?

I'm happy for them of course. We helped them find happiness together and that means so much to me. I couldn't believe it when they came round to tell us. I think we were all in shock, even Raph and Donny who are closest to the couple. But then again, they had been dating nearly five years at the time.

It was quite a funny story actually. Casey took her out for dinner, put the ring on a bread stick when she'd vanished to the bathroom and waited for her to take one. Casey, being the shell-for-brains that he is, forgot she doesn't like them, so she didn't find the ring. Once they'd finished eating, April went to the bathroom again and a waitress came to clear their plates. She was going to take the bread sticks away, but of course Casey showed her the ring. And the waitress must have flunked every test of common sense, because she tried the bloody thing on. Yup, you guessed it. It got stuck.

So April comes back from the bathroom to find her boyfriend trying to wrestle an engagement ring off this stupid waitress' finger. He had no choice then but to get on bended knee, dragging the waitress with him, and propose by sticking the waitress' hand in April's face so she got the picture.

Needless to say she said yes and they unstuck the ring eventually. By that time, after all the grunting and arguing with the waitress after she'd tried the ring on, the whole restaurant was watching and applauded. Trust Casey to make a scene out of a mere marriage proposal. But thankfully the ring fit April fine and now they are happily engaged with a date set for March next year, near the anniversary of Casey's father's death.

Quite an event, both the proposal and the ceremony to come. I'm not sure if we'll be able to attend. Both April and Casey have decent sized families. We'd have to disguise ourselves really well and sit right at the back. I guess we'll just have to wait and see where things will be and how they'll work.

You know what was the first thing Raph said the moment we were told they were engaged? _You're not up the duff are you?_ I kid you not, that's exactly what he said. April hit him before I could. At the time I didn't think much of it but recently I have a great deal.

This means our friends want to live together as a _family_. So you know, that implies children. Now doesn't that sound weird? Casey might be a father and April a mother. We'd have a little niece or nephew to chase after. I know they'd make good parents, even Casey. He has protectiveness and enthusiasm to compliment April's seriousness and dedication. Wow children.

I'd accepted long ago I'd never have my own children. Even if I wasn't gay, I didn't think I'd ever strike up a relationship that would be that strong and meaningful. Let's be frank here, how many ladies out there would like to mate with a mutant turtle and have their babies? Yeah that's what I thought. So I got over the idea of no children.

It bothered me at first but now it hardly crosses my mind. I would have liked them, very much so. Who knows, maybe my brothers will have children someday. It might hurt me briefly, remembering I can never be a father, only an uncle, I don't know. Even if they never do have children, we will have any offspring April and Casey produce, and they'll be spoilt rotten.

Usagi and I had spoken about this, if only a little. It was after we'd only been together a year or so, and the thought of no children still upset me. It was a time when we were supposed to be together all our lives, and when we thought of our futures, we imagined the other definitely in it. Or I did at least.

He told me he knew the only way we could have children was if we adopted. And because he said he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me, he was willing to consider that option in many years to come when we were older and had learnt the lessons we were supposed to learn. At first I didn't like the idea, but then I thought about it.

Sure the child wouldn't have _my _blood, or Usagi's blood, but my brothers and I don't have Master Splinter's. I realised it doesn't matter if you are related through blood or not. What matters is how you feel. If you _feel _like that kid is your son, then heck, he _is _your son! Whatever child Usagi and I took in would still be _ours_.

But of course that's not happening now. Maybe he's still with that other person? A woman probably. One whom he could legitimately marry, one who could give him children, one who would be willingly accepted by his family and friends of his who were high ranked in Lord Noriyuki's hierarchy, those who cared about their reputation. I could never do that. To them, everything about me was wrong.

I don't think it ever bothered him, that I was not the ideal partner to anyone but him. But then again it was him I was with and not her friends. Despite some faults, Usagi was a down to earth person. He didn't care for his reputation or getting in with the superiors. And that was something I really loved about him. Sure he was a little proud and stubborn with it sometimes, but we all are.

I still miss him. Especially at times like this when we all have something to celebrate. I guess I wouldn't be 'normal' if I didn't, I mean he was a big part of me even before we dated. But you will lose people throughout your life, be it for good or bad, and there's nothing you can do to change it. I accept that now, particularly since breaking up with Usagi and losing Sensei. We all accept it, even Mikey.

Still, I know tonight will be a good night. We have a lot to be thankful for. I know it's not just me who feared we wouldn't still be four brothers at twenty-one years of age. We knew Sensei might pass on by then, but we also thought one of us might have gone too. I couldn't bear that thought.

I used to lie awake for hours, letting it eat me up. But it would eat up anyone living our lifestyle, human or not. We passed a milestone today, and I'm not the only one who knows it. God I sound so negative, kind of like Raph I guess. Still it's the truth and how things work in this day and age, whether we like it or not.

My tea was cold as I finished it. I guess I'd been brooding a little too much. I got up to make another, feeling rather nostalgic. Donny came in when I was boiling the kettle, looking quite perky for eight 'o' clock. I suppose that's what birthdays do to you even at our age. The novelty wore off for me years ago. It'll probably never wear off for Mike, and I hope it doesn't.

Don's always been an early riser, like me, even when we were children. And, also like me, he is a morning person. Never cranky or anything, even if he'd been up until God knows what hour in his lab, just like me in the dojo. We have a lot in common. Don was the one I'd go to for advice and help when we were young. He wouldn't patronise or mock me, he was always so attentive and willing to lend a hand no matter what the problem was.

"You want a drink Donny?" I asked quietly. I already knew the answer, Don needs his coffee just as much as I need my tea.

"Please," His grin was infectious and I couldn't help it spreading to my lips. "Hey Leo," He sat at the table and spread his arms as wide as his smile. "Happy birthday,"

"Happy birthday Donny," I repeated with a quiet laugh, preparing our drinks.

He was quiet for a while then, even when I'd sat opposite him and passed his coffee, milky with one sugar. I didn't quite know what to say to him, despite my initial thoughts of us having so much in common. The silence wasn't awkward though. We were comfortable just to sit in each other's presence, listening to someone else's breathing and the chink of a porcelain mug on the table.

"D'ya ever think about him?" He wondered finally, staring hard at the drawing Mikey drew for Master Splinter many years ago taped to the fridge door. It was a bit yellow and dog eared now.

"Which him?" I questioned, as two hims were very prominent in my mind that morning. Donny thought for a moment. He probably meant Master Splinter at first.

"Both," He replied eventually, looking up.

"All the time," I shrugged without hesitation.

I think about the future mainly. What would happen if Sensei was still alive, if Usagi and I were still together? What if questions are the worst kind of drug. You think just one, then a million explode in your mind and you can't stop thinking about them. What if this had happened? What if I did this? They gnaw at you relentlessly until they're all you know and you completely forget about everything else. I hate what if questions, but I can't help thinking about them, just like everybody else on this planet.

"Did you hate Sensei for what he thought about you and Usagi?" Donny asked softly, his face an expression of sympathy and curiosity. I shook my head.

"I never hated _him_, just that belief," I explained gently, staring into my tea. My brother's gaze was a little too intense, too observing, too analysing.

I hated his ideas, not him. I know it barely makes sense, but it's the truth. I just couldn't understand why I was supposed to be happy existing as a living weapon, how he expected me to be fine with it. I know he wanted me to be a perfect leader, but nobody's perfect. I have everything anybody else does. I have thoughts, feelings, emotions, and I experience them as strongly as anyone. It's how you deal with them that makes you who you are.

"Do you hate Usagi for breaking up with you?" Don's voice was softer, as if he knew Usagi was a tender subject for me. It is, although I try to pretend it wasn't.

Did I hate him? No, it was like how I felt about Sensei. I could never hate him no matter what he did. Except you know, hurt my brothers or something but whatever. Maybe I still have feelings for him, I don't know, but something's still there. Perhaps it was because he was my first lover or something, I don't know. But I still feel myself hanging onto him, his kisses, his voice, his touch, for some reason or other.

"No, I don't," I answered, noticing Don's sad smile. It somehow made his hazel eyes just that bit brighter.

"Do you still love him?" He wondered. His quiet, tender voice made me feel slightly vulnerable.

"I don't know," I sighed truthfully.

I'd fitted in so well in his world. Well, the village we stayed, as I haven't seen much of that side of the portal. But I'd made friends with his friends, learnt my way around the shops, adored Daisuke and his family. And now I can't go back. Usagi has no reason to leave that place. I can't risk returning, even for a little visit.

"Some people you can never let go of," Donny said intelligently.

He was right of course. Some people in your life touch you so deeply they snatch a piece of your heart for themselves and you can't get it back. I think Usagi may be one of them. There are some I don't mind, like my brothers, or April and Casey. And the piece Sensei took is gone and buried with his shell. I hate that Karai snatched a piece and continues to keep it, no matter how much she betrays us, a tiny part of me, the part that is missing, hopes there's some good left in her somewhere. But as for Usagi, I don't know if the piece he took will come back. It might in time.

"There might be others one day," I shrugged, although I do think no one is quite the same as your first partner.

"There might," He agreed wholeheartedly, his face filled with thought, an expression he wore often.

I'd hardly given much thought to any 'others'. I'm not like my brothers. I don't go out. Or if I do it's very dark and late at night and I avoid interacting with humans like the plague. The chance of my brothers meeting women who liked them was slim, what probability do I have of meeting a guy? Probably zero I'd say.

But what will be will be. I'm only twenty-one and I don't plan on leaving just yet. I have all these lessons left to learn, even if I'm not learning them with Usagi like I'd planned. We aren't the luckiest of clans, but things usually right themselves in the end.

"I wonder if he's married with children like most of his friends," I mused out loud, breaking the silence.

"It's possible," Don concurred slowly. "Why don't you find out?" He suggested. I shook my head.

"I think I'm better off not knowing," I answered.

Or maybe knowing he moved on would give me the incentive to move on myself. I don't know. It might hurt knowing he'd done what we planned with someone else. Although he is a few years older than I am, pressure would be on him in that society to marry and start a family. With a woman, of the same species.

Don got to his feet and put his cup in the sink. He didn't say anything to my reply and I could tell he was turning everything over in his mind again and again just like he always does. He stepped beside me sitting at the table and stooped to give me a strong hug.

It made me feel better, knowing I had Donatello, and always will, just like Mikey and Raph.

"Happy twenty-first Leo,"

"Happy twenty-first to you too Donny,"

To Be Continued

A.N: I really hope you enjoyed this chapter, even though there wasn't much development in story. Many thanks to the amazing Donny's Girl for beta reading as usual. Please review and much love!


	12. The Start of Something New

A.N: As usual, I owe apologies for a late chapter. I understand I haven't updated since early September, but I did say I was starting my last year of school. I also apologise for any mistakes this chapter, I have regrettably lost contact with my beta reader, and yes I miss her very much. In the meantime, you should know this is the second to last chapter. After this, there will be an epilogue and then finito! No more Leo/Usagi. Well, not in this story. In the future, who knows? It has become one of my favourite all time pairings after all. Anyway, enjoy Leo's campness!

Impetus

Chapter Twelve

The Start of Something New

Leonardo's POV

Something just didn't feel right to me walking through the alley with my brothers. They were chatting animatedly about the upcoming Battle Nexus Tournament we were on our way to, but I was silent. I didn't have a _bad _feeling exactly, more like an idea that something important was going to happen. Odd really.

Nothing seemed different from the last time we went to the Tournament three years ago when Donny won. We went the same way topside, used the same alley wall. Something was just different. I couldn't put my finger on it, and it was bugging me to the say the least. I'm the still the leader, I should be observant, should notice every last detail. Or maybe I'm just giving a demonstration of what Raph calls my obsessive paranoia I dunno.

Three years have gone by so quickly. We're nearly twenty-four now, well into adulthood. All of us are single now, and probably will be for the rest of our lives. Finding a second girlfriend, third for Raphael, well, that's unlikely for my brothers. They haven't spoken about it, but I know they think about it, especially Donatello. He thinks about everything.

Stepping through the portal felt just as weird. It almost felt as if I was leaving something behind. Sure, we were leaving home for a little while, but I mean something of me. It felt like a part of me was falling away for good, drifting back through the portal out of my reach. If I looked behind me, would I see it? A little fragment of soul, blue maybe, or clear as glass perhaps, breaking away and tumbling into the watery frame so deep I couldn't ever retrieve it? I need to stop reading so much Romanticism poetry.

Casey wanted to come with us this year, but April wouldn't allow it because he'd have been away during their daughter's second birthday. The Tournament's been held a little earlier this year so he'll probably end up coming next time when Madison's a little older.

It's crazy having a little girl running around our feet. She's so boisterous it's like she has sugar for blood. Kind of like how Michelangelo used to be. Those two are so close I'm actually jealous. I'm the only one will most likely end up without kids and I'm the one Madison likes least. Ironic really, isn't it?

"Dude, it's so good to be back!" Mikey sighed in contentment, spreading his arms wide and puffing out his plastron.

The Nexus was just how I remembered. Full to bursting with spectators and competitors of all species, spilling out of inns and shops and crowding the streets. Everyone was yelling to be heard, either selling their wares or just chatting to their friend. The smells reminded me painfully of Usagi's old village for a brief second, hot broth coming from kitchen windows and fresh bread from the baker's.

"And this time it's my turn!" Raph grinned widely, hands on his hips.

I listened with only one ear, accustoming myself after the unexpected memory. Little things like that, made me remember what I'd lost, what I still sorely missed. There are some things you will miss for the rest of your life, like childhood memories, and I guess Usagi is one of them. A best friend, a boyfriend, soul mate, whatever he was to me.

"It's the Champion!"

I inwardly groaned. I hated this last time we came here. The moment Donny was spotted, that was it, he was swamped by screaming fans. I instantly felt claustrophobic as I was shoved aside and Don was mauled. He was shy and blushing, yet clearly enjoying all this attention. Mike was in the thick of it, loving the recognition.

Raph grabbed my hand and we slipped away out of the mob. He was as unimportant at the moment as I was. But he wanted that glory, wanted to be known as the best fighter in the universe. Personally, I couldn't think of anything worse. Pretty soon it will be just me disappearing through the crowd, leaving all three to soak up the attention I loathed.

We left our brothers and their fans in favor of a quiet inn on the other side of town. Raph let go of my hand as soon as he knew we were no longer in danger of getting separated. He knew how much I despised crowds and credit. I suppose I am the only true ninja among us, willing to fade away into the unknown and never be remembered as a legend.

"Y'can't hide away forever Leo, not when ya manage t'get through to the finals nearly every time," Raph pointed out casually, hooking his thumbs in his belt as if he were sticking his hands in pockets of invisible pants.

The streets were quieter now we were away from the town center near the main arena. This was the local area, the place where tourists rarely go. I preferred it here. There was less trouble, fewer crowds. None of the locals passing by barely gave us a second glance, even though we clearly stood out.

I was about to tell Raph I was happy with hiding and never winning, when he froze, laying a hand on my shoulder, looking toward one of the inns down the street. My mouth fell open and I suddenly felt very cold. I knew I'd probably end up coming across him sometime at these tournaments but still.

He looked older than I remembered, as if he was tired, and had many wearisome days clocked up. He looked straight at us, face solemn. His left ear dropped slightly, his eyes piercing, just how I remembered. Slowly, he bowed respectfully, impersonally, then went on his way.

Raph shook his head and I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding. He clapped me on the shoulder and took a left toward a different inn. I followed him half-heartedly now I'd seen Usagi. I knew today was going to be weird.

"...Bowing like a fuckin' . . . stuck up Samurai . . . thinks he's better'n everybody else . . . "

Raph mumbled angrily to himself all the way through getting our drinks and sitting down. It bothered me a little, but I left him to it, sipping my juice thoughtfully. I wasn't even fussed about him having sake at like one in the afternoon. Seeing Usagi was just too mind blowing.

Yet Raph has him to thank for our relationship. Before I dated Usagi, my brother and I were so cold and distant toward one another. After Master Splinter separating us, and the Samurai breaking up with me, Raph and I were so much closer. We are so much more like the brothers we are supposed to be.

"What about signing up?" I asked finally, interrupting his rant about my ex-boyfriend.

"Mike 'n' Don'll do it," He shrugged carelessly, drinking his sake.

I nodded and looked around me. This inn was quiet, and almost empty. The barman, a young dog by the looks of it, was chatting to a couple of creatures that looked like some mixture of Egyptian and Indian gods. They sort of had humanish bodies, with animalistic heads, many arms and abnormally colored skin. It never ceases to amaze me discovering what species our universe really holds. The inn itself was dim, nothing like the Merry Dragon. God how I miss that place. I miss Daisuke and his family, they were such beautiful people. And they served such good food and drink. Here, the juice tasted awful, and I daren't even try the food. It was smoky too, and smelled of fusty mothballs, like Casey's mom. The Merry Dragon always smelled of stews and cooking meat.

"You okay?" Raph wondered, raising an eyeridge at me. I must've looked as sick as I felt. I nodded again.

"I'm fine, just a little shaken up," I answered nonchalantly.

"Y'know," Raph rolled the dusty glass in his hands, looking thoughtfully at his sake. "Y'could easily win one o' these things," He looked back up at me. I smiled half-heartedly.

"I don't want to win. I just like the challenge," I murmured.

"Crowds and fame aren't really your thing, are they?" He grinned weakly. I shook my head.

"No, and to be honest, I didn't think they were your's either," I looked at him curiously and he shrugged.

"I like the idea of being the best fighter in the universe," From him, it didn't sound big headed.

The door opened widely, breaking the hushed mumbles coming from the bar and our table. Raph muttered an overused swearword and I felt like crawling under the table and staying there. Usagi barely shot us a glance before marching toward the bar and engaging the barkeeper in hurried, shushed conversation. I couldn't tell what he was saying, but his tones gave me the chills.

"Just ignore him, we'll go in a minute," Raph grumbled, scowling darkly.

"I don't _want _to ignore him," I whispered back, fighting the urge to look at the bar.

"You want to hit him?" He asked in surprise.

"No!" I hissed hastily. He smiled sadly.

"So you do still love him,"

"It's not up for discussion," I snapped stubbornly, but from his smirk I knew he knew he was right.

I couldn't help it, I snuck a look toward the bar and my breath caught in my throat. He was coming toward us! I looked desperately back at Raph but he had a fixed, determined look and I knew we weren't about to move anytime soon. I felt sick. I wanted to run away fast, and yet another part of me wanted to stay and listen to the voice I loved so much.

"You'd better have a good reason for disturbing our drink, _Samurai_," Raph spoke coolly, yet that 'samurai' was filled with so much bitterness I shivered.

"I can assure you Raphael, I do," Usagi answered respectfully, bowing ever so slightly. Just hearing his voice again made my chest constrict.

"Spit it out then," Raph demanded, reeking cockiness, still not giving Usagi the satisfaction of looking at him. I stared at my juice, scared that if I even glanced at him I wouldn't be able to control myself. It was all just too surreal.

"I'd like to talk to Leonardo alone please," It was subtle, but I caught the tightness in his voice, Raph was ticking him off. "I feel I have a lot of explaining to do," He said solemnly.

I gulped nervously. My mouth was dry despite the awful juice. After four years of not seeing his face, hearing his voice, this was like an overload of senses. I could smell patchouli incense mixed with his natural musk, clinging to his fur, the fur I'd always loved, probably because I'd never had any sort of hair myself. It was just too much to take in. I wanted to touch him as much as I wanted to completely ignore him.

"Too bad, he's staying here," Raph snapped instantly, scowling furiously.

"I believe Leonardo is capable answering for himself," Usagi sniped back. I could tell he was getting angry now.

"Hardly, since you fucked him up!"

"I had no choice!"

I sat and listened to the two people I loved most bicker over me. It sounded alien, Raph and Usagi had never argued before. Seeing that made me realise I wanted to hear what Usagi had to say for himself. A part of me, the most hopeful part, wanted him to tell me he'd never stopped loving me either.

"I have a mouth Raph," I said casually, setting my drink firmly on the grubby table.

"Use it then, instead of sittin' there like a nob," Raph spat, leaning back and folding his arms across his plastron. I got to my feet slowly, knowing he was upset. I laid a hand on his shoulder gently.

"Trust me Raph. And don't wait, find Mike and Don," He shrugged and I removed my hand.

I looked at Usagi and he smiled so softly I barely noticed it. I hoped my face didn't show how queasy I felt. He nodded and turned. I followed his toward the bar where he picked up two glasses of sake the bartender had prepared. I saw the aliens were staring but I ignored them, following my ex through a door to the left and up some stairs leading to the rooms.

"This doesn't seem like your usual spots," I mentally kicked myself. Don't I sound good?! First words I say to him in years and I could offend him.

"It's quiet, and I owed the barman a favor," He replied simply, emotionlessly. I fell silent.

His room was on the second floor. He let me in without a word, then went in after me, closing the door quietly. I looked around and with a painful jolt, I realized it was almost like his room at the old cottage. Almost bare, just the odd thing dotted here and there to show it was Miyamoto Usagi who lived there.

"We would have had this talk three years ago, only Lord Noriyuki has been experiencing difficulties in agreements with other lords. This year I was lucky enough to be offered leave at this time," He explained gently, extending me a glass. I took it reluctantly. The sake looked worse than the juice.

"You couldn't see me outside of the Tournament?" I wondered quietly. He sighed wearily and knelt at the table. He looked old, jaded. He must only be thirty-one. I stayed standing, feeling awkward. He shook his head.

"No, I couldn't leave Lord Noriyuki, especially when war is predicted," He answered somberly. I nodded, taking a sip of the sake. Surprisingly, it was quite good.

"Four years is a long time," I murmured, glancing at him. He looked somehow remorseful.

"I know, and I apologise. But you know I am a samurai, just as you have a family," He said. I understood, he was as devoted to his job as I was to mine.

There was an awkward silence then, as we both reflected on what it felt like to be here. I felt scared and shy, as if on judgement. He said he had some explaining to do. Did that mean there were other reasons behind our breakup than him not loving me anymore? Or was he here to tell me how he'd moved on, and to introduce me to his wife? Whatever it was, I felt sick and nervous.

"I always knew that," I said quietly, eventually, drinking more sake to see if it would settle my churning stomach. No luck.

Usagi nodded and waved toward the place opposite him by the table. I shook my head, feeling if I moved now my legs would buckle. He sighed. His whiskers twitched. He stayed silent for a little while, rubbing his temples, and I know he was thinking about that day four years ago, just like I was.

"I lied to you," He said finally, seriously.

I felt his eyes on me and I shifted nervously, hardly daring to listen. Lied? I opened my mouth to question but he held up a paw and I stopped in my tracks.

"And I ended up hurting you far more by lying than telling you the truth," He smiled sadly and sympathetically at me.

"When did you lie?" I frowned, my mouth dry. I had a bad feeling about this. Maybe this is what Raph calls my 'freaky sixth sense'.

"I told you I didn't love you, when in truth, I did, so much," He murmured, looking shyly at his sake for the first time.

My breath caught in my throat. I don't understand. He lied to me? He hurt me unnecessarily? My head was reeling. He had loved me. He'd told me he didn't, but he really did. Did. Not do. I feel ill. I want to scream. This doesn't feel right.

"Why?" I breathed out, aware I was glaring now. He hurt me for nothing!

He was silent for a few moments and he looked so truly torn I didn't know what to do. A part of me wanted to revel watching him suffer through this personal dilemma, yet another part of me wanted to console and hold him through it. Before I could do anything however, he looked up again, determined, stony.

"Leonardo, I have a son,"

It struck like a bolt of lightning. One minute I was furious with him, the next I was stunned beyond comprehension. A son. A child. He lied to me because he has a son. That doesn't make sense. It's crazy, unbelievable. But when, how? Those are the real questions. How old is this son? Who is his mother?

"You . . . you cheated on me?" I managed to finally choke out through my shock.

"No, I swear," He said firmly, setting his glass down and rising slowly. "Jotaro was born long before we even met,"

I sank onto his bed, my own glass tumbling out of my fingers, smashing on the cold wooden floor. I felt numb, unfeeling. He took a step toward me, then halted as if changing his mind. He watched me and I cupped my chin in my hand, wondering what the hell was going on.

"Why?" I whispered again, peering up at him. He sighed again.

"No man wants to bring up another man's child," He shrugged forlornly, folding his arms awkwardly across his chest.

I sat and thought about it for a little while longer. He told me he didn't love me so he didn't have to tell me about his son, Jotaro. But why didn't he know of it? Why didn't he tell me he had a son when we first met? Unless, he didn't know? He hadn't seen Mariko for years. Or maybe it's not Mariko's?

"What happened when you visited Mariko and Kenichi, Usagi?" I asked softly.

He moistened his mouth and looked edgily at anything but me. I was suddenly reminded of Master Splinter, how he used to demand I explain myself, and I would look anywhere but him, nervous, scared of judgement and rejection. But I wasn't Master Splinter, and Usagi wasn't explaining why one of his brothers was hurt, or why they'd managed to cause damage to some building and draw attention to themselves.

"It was a few days before I left. I'd met Jotaro, got on well with him. I thought I would mind that Mariko and Kenichi were so happily married and everything, but it didn't, because I had you,"

It was one of those lines again. After four years he can't help but use one of those lines that just made me want to kiss him. But I didn't, I stayed where I was, listening, awestruck. He'd sunk back on his knees by the bed now, calm, collected, almost trance-like.

"Kenichi had taken Jotaro out hunting, and I had been to visit the village elder. When I came back, Mariko told me. She just . . . said it. 'Usagi-san, Jotaro is your son.' I didn't quite believe her at first," He paused, reminiscing on that moment for a second.

I was struggling to believe the concept, so of course he would. What possessed her to tell him in such a way? I suppose keeping it from him was just too hard, too heartbreaking. But how did she know it was Usagi's? There are so many questions, too few answers. And I deserved them!

"Then she explained she had fallen pregnant before I left. She confided in Kenichi, who married her to save her from the social stigma of bearing a child out of wedlock. That was most gracious of him, especially as he knew their love was one-sided. If he hadn't married her, she and her child would have been outcasts, and left to fend for themselves," His voice grew angry as he thought about the consequences of their relationship, and his leaving.

I remember he seemed amazed at how single parents were treated in New York, just like any other family. Society was so different to his, it was so modern, bizarre. I know he sometimes wished his world was as accepting as mine, because he always hated to see the innocent punished. He was a samurai after all.

"Jotaro was eight when I met him, he's twelve now. I...I didn't want to tell you because I knew how much you wanted children, and I had a son we could not raise together. And I knew, if we continued seeing each other, I wouldn't be able to keep it to myself. So, I decided to save you from this hurt, I would end our relationship,"

I felt physically sick. Like I was going to seriously throw up all over the creaky wooden floor. There was a lump, like a golfball, stuck tight in my throat. My eyes burned with saltwater. Here was the reason, the reason why he caused me so much pain. I could hardly take it in.

I didn't know if I preferred not knowing. Couldn't he see that I wouldn't have minded? He stuck by me through everything with Master Splinter, and I would have supported him with Jotaro, even if he wasn't my, our, son. I wouldn't have cared as long as I had Usagi.

"I'm sorry for doing that to you. Forgive me," He whispered, so quietly I barely heard him.

I licked my lips and glanced up. He looked more serious than I'd ever seen him before, apologetic and solemn, all in one. I sighed and stared at the shattered glass scattered around my feet.

"I wouldn't have cared about any of that. All I wanted was to be with you, no matter what," I mumbled, suddenly feeling quite self-conscious.

Slowly, he got to his feet. I looked at the ground, scared, nervous, and I heard the floorboards creak in a result of him making his way toward me. He paused before me, so close I could see the stitching on his kimono. My body tensed involuntarily when I felt his soft, warm paw on the calloused, cool skin of my shoulder. I hardly dared to breathe.

"I apologise. Clearly I did not know you as well as I hoped. There were times when you were a complete mystery to me," He muttered almost curiously. I licked my dry lips again, they tasted vaguely of bitter sake.

"I'm a ninja," I supplied unessentially. He nodded and removed his hand. My shoulder startlingly felt oddly cold and bare without the pink pads on his paw.

"As I am a samurai. And we samurai rectify our mistakes," I looked up at him and he smiled ever so slightly. "I have said I am sorry, and I have explained my reasons for my lack of opinion. We have no more business with each other,"

I gulped and looked at my feet once more. He was right, we had no more reason to share company, but I didn't like it. It was hard enough walking out four years ago, I couldn't do it a second time, not when I have the slightest chance of keeping him by my side, as a friend once more.

"Usagi . . . I . . . " My voice caught in my throat. I couldn't do it. I couldn't tell him I still needed him after all these very long years.

My stomach clenched unpleasantly as I felt those soft, firm fingers tenderly curl themselves around my chin. I wanted to close my eyes. Four years of nothing of Usagi at all, and here I am, hearing his more serious tone, smelling his muskier scent, his fur that was so much fluffier. I wanted to close my eyes and just _feel _him. But I looked at him and he was smiling more now. Not widely, but still small.

"I suppose I was wrong after all. Samurai and ninja can definitely be friends," He mused thoughtfully, keeping my face upturned. I bit my lip briefly before taking in a breath.

"Can we . . . stay friends?" I whispered shyly.

To my surprise, he smiled wider, moving his hand up to gently caress my cheek. I unconsciously leaned into it, closing my eyes for sure that time, just remembering those nights so long ago when he'd hold me before the fire, and we talked late into the night, and he touched me so delicately, as if he thought I might snap.

"I'd like that," He murmured throatily.

I smiled and looked down, bringing my cheek away from his hand as a result of my embarrassment. I felt very hot, and was very sure my face was quite red. I felt I had to tell him, although I accept his friendship eagerly, I still loved him. It only seemed fair.

"I'm still in love with you,"

I stared. I blinked. Had his mouth really uttered those exact same words at the exact same time? Or had my over hopeful imagination been playing tricks on me? I frowned and looked at him again. He looked dazed for a second, only a fleeting second, then he laughed, a beautiful, powerful sound I'd sorely missed.

"That certainly simplifies things," He chortled, planting his hands on his hips.

I pulled a confused face and he grinned at me, his whiskers twitching the way they only used to do when he was amused. He cupped my cheek again, rubbing slowly with his thumb. He wasn't suggesting what I thought he was, surely. His smile gradually vanished.

"Even after everything, after learning I have a son who is going to be a part of my life, would you still have me back?" He asked timidly. And for the first time ever since I had known him, I sensed uncertainty, a faint fear of rejection.

My mouth was so dry by now, my throat was so tight, all I could no was nod, tiredly, in relief. He smiled again, his face free from worry and fright. He looked almost young again, as if for the first time in a long while, he felt truly content. Cautiously, he bent and laid a tiny peck on my cheek. The touch of his whiskers and fur tickling my skin lingered.

I wrapped my arms around his waist and pulled him forwards. It didn't bother me that his legs were mashed against my thigh. Not when I could hug him close and bury my face into his chest, just underneath the 'v' of fur revealed by his kimono that I loved so much. He laughed and held my shoulders.

"You should know I will have to spend a lot of time away from home, aiding Lord Noriyuki," He said sorrowfully, his laughter drifting away.

"I don't care," I answered fervently. This drew another laugh, and I heard it rumble deep beneath his chest, drumming to his heartbeat, slow and steady.

I closed my eyes sleepily, listening to the soothing rhythm playing deep inside of him, almost reminding me of _Dirty Dancing_. I couldn't really see Usagi dancing like Patrick Swayze though. I breathed deeply, absorbing his natural odor, enjoyed the tickle of his fur as he stroked the back of my neck.

He pulled away and kissed me before I even acknowledged his absence. He was gentle, smooth, touchy-feely, just how I remembered. I shivered and leant in closer, falling into his mouth after years of solitude.

Usagi was with me again. I felt almost complete, like I'd nearly retrieved that fragment of lost soul that fell through the portal behind me. I guess in time I'll get it all back, just like my samurai. I suppose I was ready for love all that time ago after all.

Epilogue to Follow

A.N: You have no idea how long this chapter has been planned. The next chapter, the very last, was planned before I even started writing this story. So I am very pleased and scared to get to it at last. I hope you enjoyed, take care, and please review. It felt so weird writing this in American English lol. Thankies.


	13. Epilogue Promises

A.N: This is it guys, the very last chapter! I'm sorry it's taken so long to write, but Usagi didn't want to tell Leo what's been going on...pushy samurai. But he finally caved this morning and I got round to writing it all down. So, I hope you enjoy the epilogue to Impetus.

Impetus

Epilogue

Promises

Usagi's POV

I raised my paw in farewell to my son and his stepfather. Jotaro waved happily back, his eyes, so similar to my own, were carefree and content. It would break my heart if I saw him truly unhappy. I love my son so very much. And to think I have missed out on so many years of his childhood because I did not return home sooner upsets me greatly.

I watched until they had faded away into the distance and I could no longer see them, then I turned back to my lover, curled asleep on our bed. I smiled fondly, stepping away from the window.

Jotaro does not fully understand my relationship with Leonardo, and for that I think I am grateful. He's only thirteen, think how much finding out his father's best friend is actually his boyfriend would hurt and confuse him. He is just a young boy, he barely knows what homosexuality is. I think it could even break his heart if he discovered the truth about his father at such a young age.

He and Leonardo get along so well it fills me with pride every moment I see them together. I am glad he is a part of my son's life, and I know he is gradually becoming to feel for Jotaro as his own child. I am incredibly proud of the both of them.

Words cannot express how gratified I am at this moment in time for that. My situation with my career is very dire, and I believe Jotaro will eventually look to Leonardo for guidance, if only because he believes the ninja is my best friend. Which I suppose he is in a way.

Since Leonardo and I continued our relationship once more there have been no secrets between us, except this one. However I fully plan to tell him, preferably today. I felt guilty not sharing the secret with Jotaro, but Kenichi asked specifically if he could do the honors. I couldn't begrudge him that. There is no need to worry my son any more than he must. And he will worry, he's like Leonardo in that sense.

I may suggest living together permanently to soften the blow but I'm not sure Leonardo will accept. He rejected the offer the last time I asked. I am not angry or upset, because I think I understand his reasoning. With Master Splinter's departure from this world, Leonardo feels all he has his brothers and their friends besides myself. This is a lie of course, he has made so many close friends in this village, but he believes if he truly leaves New York for good, he will leave behind his family. I have told him that is not the case, that we will be able to visit each other any time we wish but he says I do not understand. Maybe I don't, but I let the discussion slide.

Leonardo can still feel so unprotected sometimes. I have learnt to live with it and offer him all the reassurance he needs when he needs it. I worry a little how he might cope once I'm gone but I know he has his brothers, who will stand by him no matter what, not to mention Daisuke and the other friends he has made here on the way.

I gently lowered myself to sit on the bed so as not to wake the young turtle. We didn't go to sleep until the early hours of this morning, too busy spending Jotaro's last night with us as specially as we could. It is not often I get to see my son, in between my career and his schooling, therefore I try so very hard to make his visits enjoyable. I fear this will be the last time I see him for a very, very long time.

I thought I would be tired today, but I wasn't. I expect it is because my mind is so full with thoughts about how I would break the news to Leonardo. I have to be extremely careful, and firm, as I know he will not respond well.

I remember the last time I avoided telling him something terribly important by calling off our relationship. That was one of the biggest mistakes of my life. It merely made things worse. But I have learnt from that, as I learn from all my mistakes. This time I will tell Leonardo the truth about everything. He deserves that at least.

I hope he accepts it well. He must understand there is no other choice. I wish I could put him before my career but in this situation it is simply not possible. I severely wish it was. Leonardo however is usually quite capable of calmly accepting news both good and bad, and he has matured greatly since we first began our relationship.

He is no longer the seventeen-year-old insecure boy I fell in love with, but the twenty-five-year-old brave and intelligent young man I am even more in love with. I fully understand how truly lucky I am to have him, and nothing Mariko or my colleagues within the court say will change the way I feel. I do not care if they disapprove. I have often done things Lord Noriyuki and his courts do not approve of, but I think they understand it is the right thing in the end.

I'd forgotten how well Kenichi and I get on now we both have Jotaro in our lives. I was only reminded when I came back upstairs to wave Jotaro off from the window after talking a while with Kenichi, and found Leonardo fast asleep. I hadn't meant to stay and chat for so long but Kenichi and I have become the friends I wish we had been in our childhood.

Still, I let my lover sleep and returned to a book I had started before my son's visit. Thanks to my relationship with Leonardo I have discovered a strong fondness for classic Western literature. A little unorthodox perhaps, but it makes a change from the traditional pieces I usually read.

I let the book fall open to the desired page on my lap. I wasn't enjoying this particular novel, but Leonardo assured me it bettered the further you read, so I was determined to see it through to the end. It's just like any rough spot in your life really. As long as you persevere, it will certainly begin to smooth out. I am proud to say I have learnt that lesson.

It wasn't long before Leonardo sensed my presence in his sleep and curled up beside me, clinging to my waist and seeking the warmth I had to offer. I really don't know what it is about my fur he loves so much. It's probably because he has none of his own. His reptilian blood doesn't help either, leaving him always cold. I don't mind, it gives me an excuse to touch him. I shouldn't really need an excuse so far on into our relationship but Leonardo can still be so temperamental sometimes it is difficult to know when he needs reassurance and when he needs his space.

The book was getting slightly better, but it was also getting hard to concentrate as a result of Leonardo pressing so close. It gets difficult when Jotaro sleeps over in the sense that we completely halt our relationship to the point of even sleeping in separate beds. It's frustrating not only because I want to physically be with Leonardo, but also because I am, more or less, lying to my son about my relationship with my ninja. However, it is Mariko and Kenichi's wish that Jotaro does not know the truth so I have not told him. I could never hurt him. Although it does shame me to say that, once he has left, Leonardo and I do tend to get rather...sensitive, even animalistic with one another, as is the case with young people. Forgive me for being so fractious, but surely you've heard the phrase 'At it like rabbits'? Considering my species that is quite ironic really.

I slightly consoled myself by putting an arm around him, using one hand to both support the book and turn the page. It wasn't enough just to hold him though and I found myself getting quite distracted. I traced the scars on his shoulder and bicep lightly, wondering at how they crisscrossed and intertwined. I must have an equal amount of abrasions, yet mine are all hidden underneath my pelt. An advantage really now I think about it.

I knew he was awake when he shifted even closer against me, resting his head on my chest as near to that little triangle of fur revealed by my kimono as he could. Neither of us spoke for a while, just reveling in the closeness of each other. Three days seemed such a long a time.

"Did you have fun talking to Kenichi?" He teased softly, his breath tickling my fur.

"Almost as much as you had sleeping," I answered lightly with a chuckle.

"Could you blame me? You were out there ages," He mumbled, giving a small shrug. I moved the hand rubbing his shoulder to tenderly stroke his cheek and he closed his eyes.

"You could have joined us, then you wouldn't have been so bored," I offered quietly. I knew I had said something wrong because he turned his head further into my torso, hiding from my eyes.

"No. Kenichi hates me," His voice was barely audible against my chest and I scarcely heard him.

"He doesn't hate you. He simply dislikes our relationship," I corrected calmly. I knew this was an old thorn in my lover's side.

"Same things," He argued, clutching at my side in an attempt to get even closer. Needless to say, it was driving me crazy.

I sighed but didn't say anything. It wasn't entirely true. Kenichi didn't dislike Leonardo personally, just the fact that he was my lover. He agreed with Mariko in thinking it would hurt Jotaro. I agree with them to some extent, but they really don't know how hard it is to lie to my only son.

I felt a small kiss on my cheek, his way of apologizing without actually saying the words. I didn't move for a few seconds, tempted to close my eyes when he leaned forward to tuck his head into the crook of my neck. His breath was warm and I couldn't help but shiver uncontrollably.

He was on his shell, a position he greatly disliked, before either of us knew what I'd done. I both loved and loathed this animalistic side of us, just so wild, so passionate, and to be frank, quite frightening. I'd pinned him down with my knees, an erotic reference to that first time so many years ago which was clearly innocent. I felt his chest rise and fall beneath me. My book was long forgotten, lying on the floor with its pages bent.

He wasn't completely submissive, untying my robe and pulling it from my shoulders faster than I remembered. We were frantic, clumsy, even desperate. We were hot, fast, even rough.

It was quiet afterwards, save for our harsh panting. He'd buried himself in my fur once again, always clingy after sex. I held him, his shoulders slick with sweat. I still didn't feel tired, my mind was fully alert, pondering things other than sexual activities. I wondered if now was the right time to tell him, when we were both high on adrenalin and sex. It sort of reminded me of something amusing Raphael had said once. _Sex, beats morphine for a painkiller anytime. _

I waited until we had both regained our breath. My fur was damp with sweat and I could tell he was eager for a shower as much as I was. But I knew mentioning that would merely set us off again, so it could wait. I needed to tell him this now, before it was too late.

"Leonardo," I said into the quiet, quite aware my mouth was dry.

"Mmm?" Was all he replied with, content enough just to feel my soft fur, however damp, against his calloused skin.

"There's something I have to tell you," I felt him tense against me the moment I said it and he instantly leant up onto his elbows to look at my face.

"What? What is it?" He questioned, his voice and face deeply worried. I smiled softly and reassuringly, reaching up to touch his cheek.

"I am not breaking up with you," I guaranteed him gently, knowing where his fear originated from. He visibly relaxed.

"Oh. What is it then? We're not having trabbit babies are we?" He frowned skeptically, drawing a laugh from me.

"No, we are not," I chortled and he grinned at his own joke.

"Then what's up?" He wondered lightly.

I sat up to match his eye level, my laughter had long disappeared. He frowned at my solemn look.

"Leonardo, whatever happens, you must promise me you will not follow me," I pleaded, laying a hand on his shoulder and looking deep into his confused sapphire eyes.

"What are you talking about?" He pulled a face, clearly puzzled. I sighed.

"I'm going to war for Lord Noriyuki," I explained gently, clearly.

I watched the different emotions display themselves on his broad face. At first the disarray simply deepened but then he understood and was surprised. Eventually that shock turned into anger and those handsome eyes gleamed with something that had nothing to do with passion or love.

"Why? You're not even Lord Noriyuki's samurai!" He exclaimed, voice shaking with fury. I remained steady, for his sake.

"You know I have an obligation to him as my friend and my employer. Just because he is not my own Lord does not mean I can ignore the fact he offered me a place in his command," I argued serenely. Leonardo hung his head, his anger dissipating as quickly as it came.

"I...I know that. I'm sorry," He whispered.

I sighed once more and embraced him with one arm around his shoulders, leaning in to tenderly kiss the top of his bicep. He didn't say anything for a few minutes, going over things in his mind. He knew how desperate Lord Noriyuki was, he would not go unnecessarily into war and risk the lives of his loyal men.

"I don't want you to go," He breathed finally, looking at me with an expression so broken it took all my strength not to agree to stay.

"There is no other choice," I said sadly, kissing his shoulder another time.

"Let me fight with you!" He requested suddenly, turning to face me and grabbing my arm.

"I could never allow that," I shook my head pitifully.

"Usagi please!" He begged, his face now contorted in pain.

It hurt me to see him like that. Here I was abandoning him once more, going some place I could not allow him to follow. He meant too much to me, I could never put him in so much danger. If anything ever happened to him I would never forgive myself for as long as I live.

"No Leonardo. I love you too much. I could never let you go," I cupped his face with my paws, hoping to calm him down with loving truths and gentle touches.

"I can't be without you again," He persisted in distress, his eyes shining with tears. He never cries for nothing, in the past yes, but not now. He had grown up. Perhaps too much.

"I need you to stay in New York where it's safe, for me. And Jotaro will need someone to look to when I'm gone," I knew this would get him to agree, he loves Jotaro like his own son.

"Okay. But...you might die," He whispered, rubbing roughly at his eyes. I reached up and pulled his hands away.

"I will not die," I said firmly. He took a deep breath and nodded. I wasn't sure if that was an agreement or a feeble attempt to argue.

He leaned into me and I held him close, taking in his scent and everything that made him Leonardo before it was snatched from me. He still hadn't wept, teetering on the edge, and I was proud of him trying to be strong. He didn't have to but he was trying and that was all that mattered.

"I'll wait for you,"

"I know you will,"

I must admit, going to war was not planned for our life together but I have no doubt he will rise above it, just as he always has done. And I will come back to him and Jotaro, there was no dubiety about that.

"Love you,"

"I love you too,"

I know we are both young, and thirty-two is no age to die but I also know this war will not take long, and I am not afraid of where I am going, only of what I am leaving behind. I have some experience in the art of war after all. And my time away will go quicker knowing I have someone waiting eagerly day by day for my return. Leonardo and my son will get me through this nightmare.

"Usagi, promise me something,"

"What's that?"

If I go and the worst should happen I know Leonardo is strong enough to get over it with the help of his brothers. I know Jotaro will be well looked after. I don't regret a single thing in my life. Leonardo has meant the world to me and he will continue to do so in this life, and the next, and any other lives that may follow.

"That you'll come back to me again,"

"I promise, Leo,"

The End

A.N. Wow. It's pretty hard to believe it's over, but I'm relieved all the same lol. I hope you enjoyed this as much as I did. Please remember to leave feedback, it'll only take a minute of your time. Thank you so much for reading and sticking it this far, I love you for it lol. Take care.


End file.
